For some back story: My sister and I are 11 years apart and she has two little girls, a three year old and an 8 month old. Now she’s recently moved In with my mom and I due to some personal reasons and I’ve seen the way she talks to my niece (3 years old) now she’s not the most obedient toddler but my sister is just mean. She’s never gotten physical with her (Thank God.) but it’s been unsettling for me to watch/listen to. For example tonight my niece wakes up at around 12am crying sobbing and my sister is just automatically telling her to be quiet and yelling at her for being too loud. Didn’t even ask her what’s wrong just straight to scolding her. I know my niece struggles with behaving (a little bit) the only way she listens is if you count to three and use a stern voice. I just can’t get past the tone my sister uses with her 24/7. Also some phrases she uses to a THREE YEAR OLD. like “I’m gonna whoop your ass” for miss behaving or “do you wanna fight?” I 100% understand disciplining kids and maybe raising your voice a lil when needed but those phrases?? Getting mad at a toddler for crying can’t be normal. Toddlers are gonna cry she’s only three. My sister has also tightly grabbed my nieces arm for a minor offence like not putting her shoes on when immediately asked. But tonight I had finally “went to use the bathroom” and found my niece crying on the floor, I picked her up a gently shushed her because her little sister was sleeping like “it’s okay shh shh what’s wrong?” And asking her take a deep breath (which my sister taught her and it actually helps my niece a lot) but then after my sister being totally rude to her she flips and consoles her after I enter the room and calmed her down somewhat. I know these aren’t horrible compared to other mothers out there but I feel it can only escalate. One thing to mention is that my sister was diagnosed with bipolar disorder like 6-7 ish years ago and it’s affected everyone in her life. She is medicated though so I’m not sure how that could play inot it (sorry I’m not very well educated on that subject) but it pains me to hear my niece be so rudely talked down on by my sister. I could 100% be overreacting, I’m not a mom myself but I think it’s gotten out of hand??
Edit: my sister is very caring. As soon as my niece is hungry there’s food. As soon as she needs anything my sister is there. As soon as she’s hurt she’s immediately there. She’s just very impatient with a tone, and phrases that don’t sit right with me. My sister 100% loves her daughters. To lyk :))
Comments
This situation sounds really concerning. Have you thought about talking to her about it?
This isn’t just strict parenting, it’s emotional damage in the making. Step in with calm, loving examples now because a child who grows up in constant fear learns to survive, not to thrive.
Your sister’s emotional instability will be your nieces burden to carry if this behavior continues. I have never met a three year old who just blindly always does what they are told and I work with children. Toddlerhood and early childhood are very big stages of independence and defiance, which is why it’s important to teach emotional regulation and reason.
I’d have a kind, firm discussion with your mother (unless you’re comfortable discussing it with your sister yourself) about your concerns. I have ADHD, OCD and potentially a BD diagnosis coming, so I completely sympathize with the overstimulation, lack of motivation, or burnout, but there is NO excuse for speaking to a child like this, regardless.
Is she struggling? You say she’s very caring person, so shouting and yelling doesn’t sound like her usual self.
Taking care of 3 years old and 8 months old on her own must be a real hard work. She maybe exhausted and stressed out.
Talk to her about your concern, and maybe offer some practical help to ease her stress.