I (29M) feel so conflicted with my estranged father.

I’m a 29 y/o male at the moment, and I just had a call with my estranged father. He’s not an evil person, but my childhood was definitely not great with him. There were good moments, but most of it were not a walk in the park.

Well, I just got a call from him and we spoke for a while, after a period of not talking to each other for about 6 years. Turns out he’s got kidney failure and heart failure. He was in an accident a few months prior that damaged his kidneys, and he needed to go to the hospital. I was not involved in any of this until today.

During the call he dropped a bomb on me asking for 5k financial help. With monthly subsequent 50-150$ help.
The 5k was to settle his debts. Apparently a lot of my uncles and cousins pitch in to help free of charge (which I do appreciate) when he was in the hospital, however some debts still needed to be paid. My father is not in the condition to work as he is physically weak, and he has no other people he can depend on consistently (divorced). That leaves me, the only son. He didn’t pressure me into it, and did say he understands if I couldn’t help. I
don’t earn a lot, but I can spare him some money.

After the talk I decided to give him the help, because I do feel some of warmthness towards the man.

But even so, I don’t feel good about it. So much complex feelings, such as resentment, anger, and bitterness. Then memories of the good times gets mixed in, which leads me to the feeling of confliction within my heart. I can’t eat and sleep now because of these feelings and it feels like the world is going dark on me.

I just needed a place to vent to strangers online, and thankfully this subreddit exists with people who have complex emotions towards their parents too.

Thank you for reading. I hope your day goes well.

**TL;DR; : My estranged father contacted me for financial help, which I'm willing to give.  But I still feel down about this**.