It. has recently come to light that My (33f) fiancé (41m) was dishonest about being single when we were first started talking. He was technically in a relationship for 6 months that ended only a week before we became official.
This came to light because his now ex girlfriend messaged me on Facebook accusing him of being involved with us both at the same time, using me for a US visa, being a cheater and a liar. Now that everything has come out it turns out that this woman was his first ever ex girlfriend over 10 years ago who never let go. After they had initially broken up she had continued to text his friends for years telling them to get him and her back together, many of his friends ended up blocking her for the continued spam. She even went so far as to show up to the hospital where his mother was ill and begging her to get them back together. She found this very frightening at the time and told him to please stop talking to her. I have verified this information with his friends and family. She may also have broken his windshield after they had a fight.
He got back together with her recently because she continued to spam him and make him feel responsible for her being 40, single, and not having kids, and he immediately regretted it but felt stuck. He told her it wasn’t working but she refused to accept it and wouldn’t allow him to end things in a healthy way. He didn’t want to tell me about her because he didn’t want to expose me to the messy situation and he didn’t want to scare me away.
He has handled everything since this has come to light in a very healthy way. He apologized, took ownership, didn’t downplay it and showed me their texts and everything else I wanted to see to verify the timeline etc.
I received the message a week ago and I’m just still not over it and I really want to be. This has been the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in and I deeply want to trust him and really think he was doing what he thought was best at the time in a bad situation but this is the last thing I would’ve ever expected and I am still so shook.
Any advice on how I can move past this in an emotionally intelligent way without risking my relationship would be much appreciated. Thanks for reading.
TLDR: my fiancé was in an abusive relationship when he met me and didn’t tell me and lied to cover that up. I only found out when the ex messaged me and I’m struggling to move past it.