I “30f” and my ex “30m” have been separated for 2 years now. And since the beginning of time we had an agreement of he would take the kids if they get sick or their school is closed. But a couple months ago when he got a new woman and kids in his home life he has completely stopped that.
I understand the sickness due to the other kids and I don’t even ask during those days and just take 2 days off of work. (It’s policy for my work where if I call in for sickness I can’t go in the next day even if it’s my kids).
He doesn’t work, his mom pays his rent. His new woman works and her kids go to day care during the day.
If I ask him to watch kids because their school is closed unexpected he says it’s short notice and can’t. ( I accept it and just take off work I don’t push for it)
Unless it’s his time during the weekend (every other weekend unless anyone is sick) he refuses to take them now.
How should I go about this?
I can’t afford to miss work.
We never been through the courts. And neither of us can afford it.
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Sounds like he’s using his new life as an excuse to back out of responsibility. You might need to have a real talk with him about what’s fair and what’s best for the kids, or start making more backup plans yourself, ’cause he doesn’t seem willing to step up anymore
You don’t really have any options but court.
He got new woman in his life, so you just need to move on
Tell him you’re going to the courts and file for a formal request for child support. If you feel like it, give him one more chance to get back to helping before doing so but make it known. And follow through. The courts won’t much care that he doesn’t have a current income, he’ll need to get a job.
if he won’t talk to you about it you gotta take it to the court
See a lawyer. They’ll set a price for a custody battle. Get full custody. Sue him for child support.
There are things the courts can enforce (like child support), but they cannot force a parent to “step up” physically. It’s one of the most frustrating parts of the process, but understandable. The courts won’t make a parent parent children if they don’t want to, because who wants a parent not interested in parenting to be… parenting.
At any rate, courts can revise an order to give you more custody/access if he’s failing, but they can’t make him help with parenting unfortunately.
Just go to court anyway. You separated for a reason. He has no incentive to “work” on this, or to be a good partner. Court is the only answer. Just bite the bullet and do it. Separation lawyer will also probably give you other good advice.
Nothing you can do if you choose to not get the courts involved.
He’s a leech and mooch and an every other weekend warrior. You need to accept that he doesn’t care and let him slip out of your lives. Then take him to court for child support. Go to your local child support office and ask them how to proceed, they’ll help you.
Why do you women keep having kids with losers? Obviously you need to go to the courts. He needs to start paying something if he’s not going to be watching his kids.
Try a legal clinic for help, check your local law school or bar association for dates and locations. I would move forward on changing custody arrangements and child support orders.
He just keeps showing you why you divorced him, doesn’t he? He isn’t a father. I’d just plan my life as if he died. Or get the courts involved.
Sounds like another absolute douchebag.
Unfortunately, he won’t change and you will continue with this problem forever, especially since he now has another family.
Only justice to help you
In this case, as your guardian, he may even be asked to pay someone to look after the child while you work.
Apart from the mandatory pension
Family court is pro se-friendly. The clerks can point you to the forms you need and Google can help with filing motions. He will probably be ordered to pay based on minimum wage. Your kids deserve this money.
Yet you had kids with him, what did you expect?
As a single dad of a daughter who is now in her last year of college I can tell you this.. Daughters mom split when daughter was 2. Off and on mom for a few years. During that time I decided I need to adopt the mindset that I was a single dad with no help from anyone which was eventually the reality. If help came along and I trusted her enough to provide the help then it was a bonus. Sounds like this is where you are approaching. Once you get to the point that you are living life, expecting to have your kids full time you will be more at peace.
Court.
i wouldn’t want my kids in that environment. can his mom help out? this dude is a lost cause
He sounds like a real loser. You could try to threaten with child support – I don’t know how long he’s been out of work, sometimes the court will use his potential earnings to calculate it and tell him to get a job. I’d hate to see that backfire on you though – if he lies and says he has them 50% and heaven forbid you end up paying CS. Really, the best thing might be to try to line up backup child care. I’m so sorry.
It’s time to go to court and file for divorce and custody. Two years being separated is too long. You need formalize this. Borrow money from family/friends, church, anywhere you can think of. Sell assets if you have any like jewelry, gaming systems whatever furniture you own together. Get a move on this because he won’t. He doesn’t want to pay for it but you could have it in your divorce decree that he owes you half the cost.
Two words: court order. You should have gotten it 2 years ago when you separated from this man so you could nail him to a wall for everything. You should also be getting child support, you both agreed to kids so you should both need to pay.
Expecting too much out of him. He’s the type that gives most guys a very bad reputation
Go to court, and make sure all of your conversations are in writing.
You have to go through the courts. Because there’s no real repercussions for his actions, he will keep doing this. You need a concrete custody arrangement and, if necessary, child support.
It may be time to involve the courts. If you bring it up to him, I bet he’ll change his tune.
Find a babysitter. Don’t rely on him.
Sounds like you need to get a written agreement in please, and have it approved by your local jurisdiction as a child support / management plan. I know when I got divorced, a written child welfare plan/agreement was required if the kids are under 18 years of age.
Honestly, don’t pick them up one Sunday night. Just tell your Ex that since he broke the deal you are breaking the deal and will pick them up on Wednesday unless he’s willing to hold up his end. Don’t be at home so he can’t drop them off. At some point you’ll have to explain to the kids and apologize for the trouble.
Get a court established parenting plan. Get child support started. Find a childcare system that the cost can be split between, and move forward.
For your sake and kids, if this arrangement cannot work with anything beyond very minor issues, it’s likely not worth maintaining.
If he good with the kids? Otherwise reliable and trustworthy? At least as much as reasonable to care for kids?
If so, push for a 50/50 plan, give him no choice
I was watching a story similar to this, just be careful please. A man who does not take care of the children he helped create is not well in the head. I would move forward to establish a village outside of him and don’t consider him at all. https://youtu.be/lFZfV6TmnJs?si=TLYW__VLSZYUX70r