Okay Reddit, I need to vent. I (38M) just found out that my wife (36F) has been CHEATING on me… for years. Like, I’m genuinely upset. I thought we had trust. I thought we had honesty. Turns out, she’s been living a DOUBLE LIFE behind my back.
Every morning for the last 6 years, she’s told me she makes our coffee with the French press. She KNOWS I’m a French press guy. I go around telling people, “We’re a French press household. No drip. No pods. Just beans, love, and pressure.”
WELL GUESS WHAT.
Today I walk into the kitchen early and catch her using a KEURIG. A. FREAKING. KEURIG.
There was a stash of pods hidden in the back of the cabinet like some kind of caffeinated contraband. She even had secret seasonal flavors. Pumpkin spice. Hazelnut. Things she knows I call “hipster bean blasphemy.”
Y’all. She has been waking up early, making her pod coffee, dumping it into the French press to “marinate” it, and THEN serving it to me so I think it’s legit.
I’m SHOOK.
I feel like my whole marriage is a lie. Who IS this woman?? What ELSE is she hiding?? Is she secretly a tea drinker too?? Is this why the barista at Starbucks always smirks at me when I order?
Anyway. I’m sleeping on the couch tonight. Not because we’re fighting, but because the couch is closer to the fridge and I need to emotionally eat an entire pint of ice cream.
Send help. And maybe a real French press.
☕️💔
Comments
Okay, this got a nasal exhale out of me. Well done stranger
Aren’t the connoisseur you thought you were bud.
Divorce!!!!
my husband and i are currently crying, thank you. best thing ive seen in forever.
sincerely, a french press wife – who is now buying a keurig to avoid my timely wifely responsibilities. this ish takes too long….
Bruh…
This is so shameful, idk how you even managed to post. Take it down now before your friends and family learn that you‘re a Keurig cuck
bahahaha I needed this today. thank you
I’m not sure how you can ever be seen in public again!! Also YTA for going to Starbucks.
Not gonna lie, true feelings. Divorce immediately. Keurig is absolute shit. Wouldn’t feed it to my worst enemy.
Omg. Only if the world had these kinds of problems.
Start making your own coffee dude.
Really? She’s probably glad you found out so she can stop fibbing. Dude, she’s not in an affair with someone.
Maybe the AO.
How TF did you confuse keurig plastic garbage for a delicious French press? Honestly you were asking for it. YTA
OMG dump her.
😂
Ah! So the Keurig is Calgon of coffee? (At 38, you might be a tad young to get that reference, but trust me, it’s funny AF. 😝😝😝) Condolences, OP.
She’s for the Starbucks
I fully supported your outrage and was ready to pitch in for a divorce lawyer until you said Starbucks. Now you’re just a poser. YTA
If you can’t tell the difference between Keurig and French press do you even like coffee?
That said- well done, I had a chuckle.
You goober! 😆
What sorcery is this?
But seriously. There has been a pod bearing coffee machine in your house for years and you don’t even know where it’s kept.
This suggests that your wife does everything in the kitchen and you sit and expect to be waited on.
Check your kitchen cupboards and drawers RIGHT NOW. She might have a hidden toaster somewhere, and she’s been using it rather than building a fire and holding bread over it on a toasting fork.
Then check your utility room. You might find that she has a washing machine and hasn’t actually been taking your clothes down to the river to beat them on rocks to remove the dirt for all these years.
Final suggestion. Make your own fucking coffee.
We all learned that Sous Vide makes a superior steak than all the fancy steak houses.
NGL had us in the first half.
First check your beer reserves. It’s highly likely that she brings you alcohol free beer. But honestly I think that marriage is over. I can only tell you to document everything. Just in case. And believe me, she will trickle truthing you. It was the first time. I just got carried away. It’s not that bad… Don’t fall for it.
Oh and NTA.
Haven’t you been cheating on your wife too though with Starbucks? You can’t cheat and expect her not to. Now as payback you’re going to eat all her ice cream? What kind of monster are you? Your whole marriage hasn’t been a lie, just the days you are at home together.
YTA… get up and make your own coffee
Did she like…cut open the pods & dump the grounds into the press? I’m not even clear on how this is less work than just making French press coffee 😭
Aero press or bust.
Divorce. No other option
My partner just had one of those re-usable pods delivered so I can use her keurig because she paid $200 so it must be better than my $25 drip machine I’ve been using for years. Want to be keurig refugee roomates?
YTA for making me audibly chuckle in public.
I make my wife coffee with a French press every morning. My morning drink is tea.
This is your fault for not figuring it out with your obviously so very refined tastes.
Point to wife.
YTA for thinking ONE morning she doesn’t deserve to rest her hands from pressing so hard every. Freaking. Morning.
is this real? also the lead in doesn’t match the substance.
Time to kick her and the Keurig to the curb, OP. You know it’s true.
ESH
Your wife for using the most wasteful/least environmentally-friendly way possible to make coffee.
You for NoT ReLiZiNg you had a fucking pod coffee maker. Like, WTF? Also for posting a click bait title. Downvoting.
Laughing🤪
YTA for bullshit
NTA because you went to Starbucks to get your coffee fix and she needs to go! Pack up her Keurig and water coffee pods! I think there is a support group for Keurig users so there’s help for you out there. Be strong during these rough times, unlike your wife’s coffee.
Grow up
YTA. The fact that you were so out of touch with what was in your kitchen and what was happening in your house for years tells me you are the problem. Plus you didn’t even notice the difference.
Man you have gotta act fast and get custody of that french press. She’s been viciously abusing it.
C’est dommage mon ami. Vous etes un idiot.
Well, I’m no lawyer, but it does seem grounds for divorce. Not to press the issue, but its a dark day for you
This is the kind of family drama I live for.
6 years and you never noticed until you caught her in the act? Maybe you aren’t the French press guy you think you are…
Whewww! Im glad this wasn’t a sad story and ended up chuckling
Man. You got me good. It’s late on a Friday and I’m fried. But now I’m ANGRY and fried. Good luck (sipping a a Dunkin coffee).