This wasn’t today but i still find it hilarious in retrospect. so in 2020 I had been dating a guy for almost the whole year but because of the pandemic i hadn’t met any of his family yet. his cousin was getting married and encouraged him to bring me as they were all eager to meet me. i was very excited as i’d known him for much longer than we had been dating, knew his parents and sister, but hadn’t had the chance to connect with anyone else. i obviously accept the invitation.
the wedding is coming up and BF’s mom suggests that she take her daughter and I shopping for dresses which i thought would be a fun bonding experience so i agree. now, as a 22 year old who hadn’t been to many weddings, i didn’t know all of the etiquette so when she showed me a bright red dress i said it looked nice and agreed that i’d consider wearing it. i honestly didn’t love it (not a fan of red on me in general, i don’t like to stand out, and it wasn’t my style) but it wasn’t terrible and she seemed so excited about it. she said BF’s aunt would be wearing one similar and she’s be so happy if we matched. as much as i tried to hint at wanting to find other options she just would not give up on this dress so i gave in and we got it.
the wedding day comes, i show up in my bright red dress, and BF’s aunt most definitely is not wearing anything similar, her dress is dark blue and very subtle. i’m immediately a little less comfortable but i figure it’s fine and i find my seat next to BF’s dad who immediately made a comment similar to “wow, bold color! you’ll definitely stand out tonight” (sigh…).
the ceremony was beautiful and after pictures i mingled with a few family members, mainly just small talk, and i noticed a few people giving me odd looks. i figured it was just because i was unfamiliar. soon i was taken to meet the bride and groom. i immediately, very cheerfully, told them how wonderful the wedding was and congratulated both of them saying how happy i was to finally meet them. the groom (the cousin) thanked me and said how nice it was to finally meet me but the bride stood silent for a few moments before flatly and in a somewhat confused tone just said “thank you for coming” and then walked away. i thought her reaction to meeting me was quite odd and i kept thinking about how her eyes were on my dress for almost the entire interaction but i couldn’t figure out what i had done wrong.
well, fast forward three years. BF and i had broken up a year ago and i hadn’t thought about that interaction in ages. until i come across a podcast that was speaking about how offensive it is to wear red to a wedding. apparently this is a blatant sign that you strongly object to the union. well, when i heard this i wasn’t sure if i should cry of embarrassment, laugh at the audacity of my almost MIL, or just sit there absolutely dumbfounded at the fact that nobody who had seen the dress beforehand had warned me.
in any case, that interaction still stands in my mind as one of the funniest, most brutal things that i’ve ever unknowingly done. i will never forget the look of disgust and confusion on the bride’s face that day.
oh, and did i mention this was an italian family? as much as they ended up loving me, they sure knew how to hold a grudge so i’m sure
‘the girl that wore red to their baby’s wedding’ is still a part of the family lore to this day.
TL;DR
I wore red to the wedding of two people i’d never met and offended the bride
P.S. i hadn’t mentioned it before, but the groom later insisted that i join the extended family photo… in my gaudy bright red dress. it was the only photo of the entire family and i was not on the edge so i couldn’t imagine i’d easily be cropped out LOL
Comments
TIL about this thing about wearing red to a wedding. Definitely not a custom in my Dutch/German/Hillbilly heritage and maybe not in yours so maybe people shouldn’t assume we know their unwritten rules and give grace!?
I don’t think that’s definitely well known. I hadn’t heard of it before.
I think it’s more an issue of drawing attention away from the bride nowadays than it is a sign of objection
I am unaware if anybody in my family has this idea about red. But you definitely don’t want to take attention away from the bride
I didn’t know about this either before I wore a red dress to a wedding. It was more merlot colored than red-red, but I also saw something about it after the fact and had a nice internal cringe.
Old person here: it was an old wives tale that a woman wearing red to a wedding signified that she’d been (or was still) romantically linked to the groom.
I’ve heard it to mean you’ve slept with the groom
I wore a red dress to a wedding once, nobody said anything or looked at me funny. Then again, I was twelve
This must be a regional thing. I’ve been to weddings in a few countries and never heard it.
This is an “Italian” thing. I was trying to impress my boyfriend’s family (this happened many years ago) and I shopped for just the right modest dress for the occasion. It was a burgundy/reddish dress that was definitely not loud as it had some darker/brown tones in it. I showed up at his house and I thought his mother was going to pass out! I ran home immediately to change to a different dress that was certainly something I wouldn’t typically wear to a wedding, but was more “acceptable”.
FWIW, my high school BFF & her husband were both extremely Italian – like old school, NY Italian, with family who had come over from Italy – and her bridesmaid dresses were bright red (with shoes died to match).
This was back in the early 90s, so maybe it’s something people are more aware of now, but it seems completely understandable that you wouldn’t know!
Plus, as long as no genitals/butt cheeks/areolae are exposed and it’s not a flowing white gown, I can’t imagine caring enough about what a cousin’s date wore on my wedding day. Obviously you didn’t wear it to send a sign you object to their union – you didn’t even know her; why would you care enough to choose your outfit to signal any opinion on her relationship 😂
Round about 20yrs ago- I wore a bright red dress to my mom’s friends daughter’s wedding 🤷🏻♀️it was the fanciest wedding I’ve still ever been to, in a major US city, I was still in college but always kinda wondered why no1 asked me to dance, despite the friend going on about “single guys”. I’d also never heard that before & never wore that awesome dress again, sadly. Your not the only one OP!
Different story kinda, but I wore a bright red dress for my best friend’s wedding and I’m so interested in what gossip may have spread about me because of this because no one knew me there, but I was the girl in red getting a ride in the same car as the bride and groom and walking down the aisle as a bridesmaid😂 I’m too nosy. Sadly we’ll never know the fanfictions of the extended family and such (just to be clear, I got permission, my friend doesn’t care about such traditions, it wasn’t some ill-intentioned move, she even saw it beforehand)
Ok, I’m 41 years old and have been to a great many weddings of various cultures and have NEVER heard of red being a “sign of disapproval” of the marriage. While reading, as you mentioned the red dress my thought went to my great grandmother who thought red was “for ladies of the evening”, in other words a prostitute. But other than insinuating that you had loose morals, that’s the only thing I thought. Red is also an attention grabber, so it’s very likely the bride felt upstaged on her special day. Also, Italian weddings tend to be catholic.
It was probably just a bold dress, maybe even a cut that was not appropriate for a wedding. I don’t think anybody cares other than that and I’ve definitely never heard the “it means you strongly object to the wedding” thing. Generally you don’t want to take attention away from the bride so maybe that’s what it was all about.
Not your FU. Most people would have wear it if they learn Mil sister is doing it too. Cause I would.
>podcast that was speaking about how offensive it is to wear red to a wedding. apparently this is a blatant sign that you strongly object to the union.
nah, not a widespread thing
Not the red wedding I expected !