Hi everyone! I came here to update about my situation with my ex bf in case anyone is interested in hearing it.
So, last night I got multiple calls from my ex bf around 11 pm. When I answered he was clearly drunk and crying, mumbling and begging me to hear him out and that he missed me more than anything. I was kind of sick of this whole circus so I agreed to meet him this morning. We met at a cafe near my job and he looked horrible, but the things he told he shocked me entirely.
A little background information because it’s important. My ex bf’s family is rich, like really rich. His paternal grandparents are a university professor and a lawyer. His father is a doctor and his mother a nurse (at the same private hospital). My ex bf is also in med school and his sister goes to a private high school. My family on the other hand is not rich. I think we are upper class? or middle class? (I have no idea how these categories work tbh) Both me and my sister go to public schools and the most important is that we don’t live in the city. My families on both sides are from villages around 100 km from the capital (where I go to college).
Now back to the meeting, I took the advice some of you gave me and recorded the conversation in case of anything bad happening. The reason his sister lied about me was because she saw me beneath them. She considered that a girl like me “poor and from a pathetic village” (her words) did not deserve to be around people like them (rich) and considered me a gold digger who fucked rich men. She said she never felt guilty or any remorse for breaking our relationship and she considered that she did her brother a favor. My ex bf believed her over me because she never did something like this before so he thought she was telling the truth, especially after she showed him videos.
I also told him about his friends and he said he only told his childhood friend (the one who apologized) the real reason behind the break up and told everyone else that we just didn’t get along. He didn’t know that they knew the story or that I had to change job locations because of them. He sent them a message in front of me, calling them out on their behavior and blocked them. And here is how they knew: Jane (fake name for the sister) has a friend in high school Olivia (fake name). Olivia is the step sister of one of my ex’s college friends, Paul (fake name). Jane told Olivia that I stole from them and Olivia told Paul, who told the rest.
The sister also got her punishment. Their mother is also from a village in the mountains (she moved to the capital for college and met her husband here) so the sister’s words and actions also hurt the mother deeply (especially since her parents still live there). They took the sister out of the private school, put her in a public one and she will be going to live with her maternal grandparents until the school starts. She is also not allowed to buy anything anymore (like designer stuff and whatever she was buying) and she will have to take the bus to school from now on instead. They also downgraded her phone (from a 16 to an iphone 7) and she will get a new phone with her own money if she doesn’t like this one (which isn’t in the near future lol since she refuses to get a job)
My ex also asked me at the end if there is a chance of us getting together again and I told him that I have to think about that
Comments
Please for the love of everything Holy, do not go back to this man. His sister is getting a lesson in being a snobby brat, and this is his lesson. He ruined a good thing with you for no other reason than he didn’t want to even consider that his teenage sister, who might not have lied like this before, but has got to have shown other signs of being a bad person, could be wrong. Over you, the woman he was dating. Especially after the whole going to your shop to try and get to know you. And I’m sorry, as an aside, I don’t want to be rude at all, but that comes off as creepy, not cute, at least to me.
Hold your head up high, tell him you’ve given him more than he deserved by meeting with him to clear the air, but that you are firmly not interested. Bring up moving to harassment or stalking if you think you need to. I say this strongly because this dude has not accepted a single answer from you that he hadn’t decided on. He decided you’d stolen and lied about it, refused to listen to you when you defended yourself. You told him you weren’t interested and he needed to leave you alone, he’s been calling and messaging you in every possible way. This dude is a walking red flag that you’ve already gotten rid of. Just keep walking away, Miss, and live your best life. You don’t owe him a single second more of your life.
NTA.
I personally wouldn’t give him another chance.
He’s missed you so much, I call BS. It’s been a year.
I’m glad the parents are punishing the daughter. But you’ll never trust your ex-bf to stand up for you again. You’ll never trust him. He clearly didn’t trust you or respect you. He was fine to accept you being a thief. He clearly didn’t know you very well.
Trust is gained in drops, but lost in buckets.
If you even consider taking him back, tell him, his sister and himself have to contact EVERYONE who was told you stole from her, and admit she lied and doctored videos of you previously being in their house and looking for the bathroom and bringing birthday gifts for his sister!
And the sister has to pay you restitution for anything related to your relocation to another cafe. Did that cost you more time or money in transport?
And you will not ever be expected to engage with his sister and will be NC with her and will not speak to her at any family gatherings and expect his sister to also be in therapy for how abhorrent her behaviour was.
Honestly though, you’ll never feel safe in that house again. I think you’ve already moved on.
Your ex-bf doesn’t deserve you back.
This is his punishment and lesson (losing you).
You deserve a partner who trusts and respects you.
Think about what?
This whole story sounds like one of those foreign short episode shows they play long clips of on reels. There’s always a poor girl, who goes through a bunch of BS, a jealous rich girl, and the rich boyfriend, but then everything goes super right for the poor girl in the end. Like same exact plot points, just different details.
You are thinking about the different ways to say “No!” to getting back together, right?
Right?
Updateme
Do not get back with the ex. He didn’t trust you and he didn’t listen to you. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. He’s not worth your time.
My dear,why are you even talking to him? Cut that sh*t off,and stay strong.
What is there to think about? He didn’t even give you any opportunity to explain your side. He believed his sister because she had never done anything like that before? Had you done anything like what you are accused of before for him to so quickly believe it? He is responsible for his own heartbreak. Move on.
Question; why do you actually believe anything he is saying?
So sister admits to defamation and slander – causing you a material loss and change in circumstance (you can see where I’m going with this…)
Work out your material damages (the money lost) due to her actions and ask if she or her family will “make right” the damage caused.
So far you’ve been NTA. And so it remains.
But you’ve provided zero reasons why you’d want to ever get back together with this massive chump, you’ve shared many reasons why he’d be a terrible boyfriend, it’s clear that his sister has zero remorse (and now even more reasons to try to hurt you), so you’ll have zero sympathy here if you choose to date him again.
Still, it’s your life so do as you see fit.
I don’t see where he is learning a lesson in any of this. Good for his mom for setting the sister right. But he doesn’t seem to be taking any responsibility for his central role in this: he believed her over you. He had to have known she was a snob and had an agenda. No way this came out of the blue. She had to have been badmouthing you to him all along, and escalated to this when it didn’t work.
I don’t see where he is learning a lesson in any of this. Good for his mom for setting the sister right. But he doesn’t seem to be taking any responsibility for his central role in this: he believed her over you. He had to have known she was a snob and had an agenda. No way this came out of the blue. She had to have been badmouthing you to him all along, and escalated to this when that alone didn’t work.
I don’t see where he is learning a lesson in any of this. Good for his mom for setting the sister right. But he doesn’t seem to be taking any responsibility for his central role in this: he believed her over you. He had to have known she was a snob and had an agenda. No way this came out of the blue. She had to have been badmouthing you to him all along, and escalated to this when that alone didn’t work.
Actions have consequences. It’s good that he owned up to his mistakes but he can’t put back time. Wish him well and move on with your life. This is an omen of what your future with him will be like.