See title. I can’t stand this relationship any longer. She is going through a very rough time and I tried being there for her, but it’s just too much. She has shitty job, no friends and she moved in with me to get away from her parents. She is always in a bad mood and will always find a way to make a nice day go wrong with her constant complaining and whining. I always offer her my shoulder to cry on and always talk positively to her, hoping it’ll get better one day. But this has been going on like this for the last whole year and I’m now at a point where I have to get out of this sooner or later.
I know it’ll break her heart. Especially since she keeps asking stuff like “You’ll never leave me, right?” or “Promise me we’ll be together forever.”. And of course I always say yes, how could anybody say no to that? I’m seriously concerned that it’ll destroy her whole life, especially since she has no one to talk to. But I see no future with her.
I really care for her, still, and I don’t want to hurt her. Right now I’m just hoping for a good reason to break up, so it won’t be so unexpected for her. I even thought about giving her a reason to break up with me instead, but that’s just cruel.
How do I do this in the most careful way in order to minimize the pain for her?
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Compassion fatigue is real. But all the things you e been doing? It’s enabling her behavior. She has no reason to get help or make friends or learn to manage her emotions because you let her unload it all onto you.
You might look into the book “Facing Codependence” by Pia Melody. It’s for you, not her. When you have codependent tendencies, you often end up taking on “broken” people and trying to save them. It gives you a boost until….it doesn’t.
There’s no painless way to end things. Keep it simple. “GF, I care about you and want you to be happy. I have enjoyed our time together but this doesn’t feel like a good fit for the long term.”
Don’t give her a list of reasons or try to manufacture one—that just opens the door for people to promise to change or argue your points.
Just say it’s not a good fit anymore.
Give her 30 days to move out.
You are not responsible for her feelings, her housing, her lack of friends, or her shitty job. She is.
Damn you guys have been together 3 years, she’s been struggling for 1 and you’re already giving her the boot? Did you suggest therapy, antidepressants, or anything. Just tell her the truth dude. Let her go find the support she needs elsewhere.