We have been together for about 5 years. I love this women with all of my heart and I am ready for therapy as I was resistant only because of finance and being stubborn. But, before you ask about therapy here is the back story. We meet when we was first 20/31 and we both were in relationships when we first met. After we each broke up we finally rekindled and we started dating.
Issues:
1. Years prior, as a mutual fling I hooked up with her older sister. This sister has started drama from day 1. And this is the sister who literally broke up another persons engagement and ended up getting married and having a kid with them. I have since tried to talk to her to get approval but continues to disrespect me and us.
2. She is a family of 4/6. Only 1 person talks to me which is her youngest sister. The others don’t talk to me and the only one who tried to talk to me sadly committed Suicide.
3. The suicide has changed my girlfriends look on life. She is going to therapy and in my opinion is very strong with the entire scenario. Let it be the only reason the brother stopped talking to me was the older sister and I still get mad cause I might have been there for him if he allowed to spend some time together.
4. I wasn’t the best man in the first few years and I am complete at fault. I cheated twice. I was completely stupid and this all occurred while I was away for school. The stress, the insecurity of her family towards me, the idea she was unfaithful. Overall, I am an asshole for doing what I did. I have 0 intention in going back to my old ways. She has not completely forgiven me.
5. The first time I cheated, she was initially unaware but, she ended up cheating on me as well. I forgave her and never bring it up. She continues to bring it up saying, “I dunno, I feel like you are going to hurt me again.”
6. We recently moved over 1000 miles from our home to where I started my new job. But, she gets upset about missing her family. This is something that upsets me as we were living in my parents place due to the cost of living and me trying to save for a place and pay off my student loans.
7. Her family. Very abusive to her as a child, alcoholic/abusive father. Schizophrenic Mother that was absent. Brothers that upset her to this day. Older sister who out of no where after moving is now trying to be in the picture and continues to hate on me and the relationship. Youngest recent high school graduate actually talks to me but, is carefree on the situation.
8. She now goes back and forth from happy to sad. Stressing about her career life (Associates degree and doesn’t use it) and works remotely (pain management scheduler: constantly dealing with mean patients) which isolates her from social interaction but, at the same time gives her time to focus more on herself in my opinion. But the job is a toll on her.
9. Mainly from her sister, I have not been to any of her main family holidays, birthdays, etc
10. We don’t have a sex life anymore. We used to be wild. From all types up to a threesome. Now nothing.
11. I broke a bad habit of mine that I did for years, screenshot girls or look up a girl randomly on social media. She has told me her view on that and I I stopped. Took time but now I have stopped.
I don’t want to break up. I tried talking to the sister again but, I get yelled at that I didn’t respect how she wanted to talk. Let’s me say I said let me call her; she was suppose to call me back but weeks later nothing and still throughout that time she was talking to my GF.
I love this girl but, I am afraid of starting over maybe? I love this girl and am trying everything I can to help us. If you ask me, I do want to spend my life with her even with the baggage.
Also, to add. She left her 2 dogs back at home cause I’m her father wouldn’t allow them. So, recently after minimal pressure we got a puppy. I love the little guy already but, I wanted her to have someone home with her while at work and for protection.
I am ready for the next step. I want to be a husband and father for her and god willing our future kids.
Sorry this is all over the place. I just want advice and your POV.
I’m
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You might love her, but you should let her go. If you guys reconnect, so be it. But there is a lot of toxicity in this relationship. She was only 20 when you started dating, her brain is naturally still developing. I felt very differently about my ex-husband at the age of 30 than I did when I was young and dumb at 21. If she had written this post, I would question if you were trying to isolate her from her family by moving her away. She probably doesn’t feel like she has a lot of control or support in her life, and judging by the sounds of her job, this girl is about to slip into a deep depression.