Me and my boyfriend have been long distance for about a year, since i’ve been at college. I would make the 4 hour drive at least once a month to come stay with him for a few days and our sex life used to be great. We would have sex multiple times per visit, but it slowly started turning to one time a visit. I’ve been staying with him this summer, and we’ve had sex maybe 5 times in two months, which doesn’t seem normal to me, since we are both young and in good health. I don’t know if I just have unrealistic expectations, but it is my understanding that men want to have sex more often than not, but I get rejected by him a lot of the time. I have a high sex drive and want to have sex multiple times a week, but it usually happens once a week, if that. Sometimes, we go 2-3 weeks without having sex and it makes me feel really insecure when he rejects me. Last night, I tried to initiate sex and he again, rejected me, saying and I quote, “sex is a lot of work, especially with you.” I assume he was talking about how hard it is to make me orgasm, and I admit I do take quite a while, but I thought most women did.
I’ve caught him talking to other women online quite a few times and that combined with his dwindling desire to have sex with me, has really messed with my self-esteem. I already am quite insecure about m body and him not seeming to desire me doesn’t help.
Are my expectations of how men should act in a relationship too high?
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Girl your expectations are not high, he’s just not into you anymore. No man says that quote if he still cares about and wants to be with his girlfriend, you’ve said you’ve caught him talking to girls on online. This relationship is over and you’re both just dragging it out
No one who has any self-respect ever stays with a partner who is cheating, not even talking to other girls. You need to work on yourself and fix your self-esteem, and your first step should be breaking it off with this guy.
Probably just into high school girls. Ew
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/FoJyyFXa69
>I’ve caught him talking to other women online quite a few times
Wait, so he’s actually cheating on you as well as giving you veiled insults about you being too much work sexually?
Why are you still with him?
>Are my expectations of how men should act in a relationship too high?
Your expectations aren’t high enough if you’re tolerating this.
Your expectations are not too high. At your respective ages, one year into a relationship, where you don’t get to see each other very often, one would normally anticipate that sex would occur more often. There could be explanations for this, such as him having a lower libido. Contrary to popular opinion, not all men are constantly after sex and there are some who have a lower sex drive, and he could be one of those. It could also be that if he is dealing with depression or stress that his interest in sex could have been significantly reduced.
Ultimately it’s whether this relationship is still working for you or not. If he cannot provide what you need, you can separate from him. The fact that he treats sex with you as “work” appears to reveal that he doesn’t see this as an intimate and loving act but rather some kind of duty, which isn’t great.
Yeah, I think you should end that relationship, he doesn’t like you and doesn’t even respect you.
Does he usually make you feel uncomfortable with how long you take to orgasm? I feel like I’m reading a post I made about my boyfriend. He always says sex is a lot of work and never wants it as much as I do. Now I’m struggling with confidence too…
Has there been anything different in his life, new stressors, switching medications, anything like that? Him saying that sex is too much work sounds like he’s getting his kicks with pornography. People have likened it to a heroin addiction only more so because you can get it anywhere for free. When he says you are a lot of work, what that translates into is he doesn’t care enough to take the time to make sure you’re taking care of. Read that again, and read that one more time. That should tell you all you need to know
As I’ve posted elsewhere the most important things in any relationship are communication, Trust, finances, and number four is sexual compatibility. This is all been very well documented and they are the leading causes for if couples and marriages make it or don’t make it.
TL DR, no. Your expectations are perfectly reasonable
Ones a month is does not a relationship make. If you are both down for each other it would be every weekend. Unless he owns a company. Or has a 6 figure job. Then he would be moving closer to you. Or you need to switch colleges if you’re both serious.
He’s bored. Find someone else.
In loving relationship at ur ageu should having sex 3 times or more every day.
In two should be easily over 200 times.
Maybe he has fallen out of love with u and found someone more attractive than u
Again. Have read this like a month ago
Wait till you get married lol
Everyone has different sex drives. It may be more common for men to have high sex drives but it’s also normal for some men to not want it so often. The comment about the “work” is what’s the most concerning though because most people would never say that to someone they loved. It was intentional to kill your mood.
“sex is a lot of work, especially with you”. That phrase would be unforgivable to me. Good bye
The relationship was over when he started talking to other girls. There are dudes out there that will worship the ground you walk on and F ur brains out. Long distance doesn’t work when you’re this young. He is not interested in you anymore. Break up and enjoy college!!!!
Yes it takes all women a while to come, sometimes it can happen quickly sometimes it just isn’t happening neither, this works for both men and women. Please don’t think there is anything wrong with you. It shouldn’t be the only goal in sex it should be mutual pleasure.
Your incompatibility is beginning to surface so it appears your romantic relationship with him is over, now accept it and keep moving forward without him.
Babe plan your escape route you need a partner who has the same interests as you and sex is super important in a relationship you are young you guys should be like rabbits..
And if he is chatting to other girls I can guarantee there is more behind the scenes which is upsetting but if he is really into you he wouldn’t be doing it. Run