I’m 19 and in university. My parents are in their mid to late 50s. Recently, our water heater sprung a leak and needed to be replaced. It’s about $3-4k where we live.
Here’s the thing. My parents don’t have the money for it right now, so they came to me asking if I could cover it. I have about $2k saved from my part-time job, and I also have a scholarship that’s going to hit my bank account in a month or two. That scholarship money is fully for school because I’m trying to pay off a $5k loan (that’s gaining interest) when the fall semester starts.
They told me it would just be a loan and they’d pay me back when they could, but honestly, I have no idea when that would be, and I’m not exactly rolling in extra cash myself. What really bugs me is they know I’ve been saving to pay off my debt, and now they’re basically asking me to push that aside for them.
When I hesitated, my mom got all sad and said “I guess we’ll just have to pull out a credit card” and gave me puppy eyes. I told her to go ahead, and she flipped out, saying “You live here too, you know.”
I understand every household is different and I have the utmost privilege to live in my parents’ home after 18, since a lot of people have to move out. I also don’t contribute to the mortgage. But it still feels unfair that they expect me to hand over my savings, especially when they somehow have money for cigarettes, alcohol, OR even cruises, but can’t save for emergencies like this.
Comments
You are more mature than your parents- if you give them that money you will never see it again.
Going forward do not share with them your financial situation, in regards to savings. And stick to your guns as far as school money being for school. Nta
Enjoy those cold showers.
You don’t have to help at all – I give my parents money sometimes to pay off stuff and they always pay me back – but I was also that kid who was forced to move out as soon as they graduated high school so I’m not sure what the dynamic is like otherwise (idk they might feel like they don’t have to pay you back bc they’re giving you free accommodation or some shit). My relationship with my parents is also very transactional in nature so they would never use ‘we are family’ as an excuse not to pay me back like I’ve seen with some of my friends who are closer with their relatives. I feel like ur only the asshole if you knew they would pay u back and are still saying no
NTA. This isn’t savings. It’s money earmarked for a debt and school. You don’t have it to spare, and you can’t lend what you don’t have. Question though, why are you saving to pay off a loan that is gaining interest? The normal thing to do is start paying off, so you’ll be paying interest on a lower amount
Also, stop telling them what you do have.
You could contribute in some way as you don’t pay rent.
NTA — parents are people too. Give them a break. They asked, you said no… they are going to charge it. What’s the deal here? They are treating you like an adult and their kid. Piling all of these additional expectations is going to set you up for failure. Asking for money is akward, people feel vulnerable–but unless they are constantly riding you about it (like my folks did) I would just move on. Start looking for your own place, or for roommates. I moved out when I was 17, lived on my own since then. It’s not easy, I was never exactly without a place to sleep, but there were times I had a minus balance in my bank account, school loans, insurance, gas, internet–I drove a 500.00 car and ate lots of spagetti.
Seems a little pricey for a hot water heater. I would give some as you live there and keep finances private
If you are living there you should be paying something..
I didn’t have the most conventional payment with my parents but I did buy or pay for a few things. ..
Since there are 3 of you why not pay 1/3 of the cost? And they can do the rest
That is what I did.
You don’t have money to spare; it’s all earmarked for debt. If you give them what you have, YOU will remain in debt, and if they have to take out a loan or use a credit card to pay for a water heater, THEY will be in debt. It’s their house and their water heater, so they should be the ones to take on the debt.
Do you contribute anything to live at home? Groceries? Utilities? Anything?
NTA. If they’ve got a credit card they can use, why would they want to take your money and make it harder for you? That tells me that they don’t think they can make the card payments, which tells you how soon they’d pay you back.
I think it’s admirable that you have so much sense when your parents don’t. Don’t let them drag you into their problems.
I would prioritize paying your own debt. That said, the fact that you’re living with them rent free and refusing to help isn’t a good look. I think you should start contributing in some way. You’re an adult.
NTA. The first thing I wondered was, why don’t they just use a credit card? It’s their water heater. Why should you pay interest on a loan for their water heater? They can pay the interest on the credit card. If you give them the money, you’ll never see it again.
If it’s just you and your parents, give them 1/3 of the cost to fix/replace it. They shouldn’t have to pay it back. They’ve been letting you live there, presumably, for free since your 18th birthday.
They do have an argument, here. It doesn’t sound like you pay rent. Therefore, you are in debt to them. You should be responsible for some of the household expenses.
I think you should start paying rent. Also, we just had to replace out water heater and it was only about $500. Why are they so expensive where you live?
Yeah you would never see that money again…nta
You don’t have savings you have money to play your schools fees and debt. Your mum can pay on a credit card if she doesn’t have the money now she never will. She is guilting you as she knows you have money and it’s an easier for her then putting it on a credit card as then that will be debt that she has to pay back.
You are already in debt by 5k why would you increase it knowing that you have uni fees coming up. You may live in that house but it’s not yours. It’s your parents responsibility to fix it not yours
No. Full stop. Their house they own – their equity, they can and should pull a credit card. You live there , but you are not an equal partner. Do not share financial info with them. Make sure they are not named on your accounts.
Boil water
NTA. Your parents are more likely to repay the credit card company than to repay you.
Nta. My parents never charged me rent or asked me to contribute to the household while I was in school. Of course I did once I graduated and had a decent job. Even courts recognize that children remain dependent while they are still in school, which is why many divorce/custody agreements require child support to continue through college, even if the child is over the age of 18. Right now, your focus needs to be on getting through school and building your future with as little debt as possible.
They should put it on a credit card and then start charging you room and board.
The less you tell your parents about your finances and the details there of, the better. And let’s face it, the money already spent. It just doesn’t know it yet.
Your parents can figure things out.
NTA
Alcohol and cigarettes aren’t cheap, especially not cigarettes. And cruises? WTF? Make sure they can’t access your accounts. And start looking for a room to rent with other college students. Your parents will hold your housing over your head every time they need money. Otherwise, if you give in this time, you’ll be forced to drop out of school because they’ll grab all your money. NTA
YTA for posting AI generated crap.
4 grand seems to be a awful lot for a water heater. Sound be under 2grand
They can get a line of credit or a home equity loan
Do you pay rent? If you aren’t, you should offer something and/or negotiate some amount for rent. If you were in an apt, you wouldn’t pay for the water heater but your rent would go toward maintenance and such. Soft YTA for not feeling some obligation to assist in paying for your shelter as an adult.
They must be trying to get a tankless water heater (extra fancy) – a regular 50 gallon should be more like $2K
You’re over 18 and living rent free? Man up or Woman up and start acting like a responsible adult. You obviously have no clue how much money it takes to support someone. Grow the f@ck up and be responsible. These people have paid for your food, medical, housing, and everything else. Now when they have an actual problem and ask for help you are hesitant? They aren’t trying to go on holiday. IMO yes you are an asshole. Oh poor you may have to pay some extra on a student loan. Have fun with those cold showers.
Don’t do it. My mom fucked me out of a car when our water heater blew up. I had paid my inheritance from my great grandmother towards the car, so half,and my mother reneged on singing it over for my graduation, because she needed me to pay the other half of the car, since the water heater went down. Complete bullshit. I didn’t get a graduation gift AND ended up paying for part of my party.
NTA
It’s not the kids job to subsidize the parents.
NTA Your parents can use a credit card. I would try to move out as soon as possible.
I think you should do it. Your parents are in a tough spot. They are still supporting you and living there for free. Contributing when they need help is pretty minimal. That money could be a months rent if you didn’t live there. It is rough growing up poor. You are definitely a cost living at home, so you are still winning even if they never pay you back.
NTA and tell her that the credit card she has to pull out is what it is used for since they have no savings.
They are in a world of hurt when the hit retirement age if they cannot afford a water heater, in a home they own.
YTA and I don’t care if I’m gonna get downvoted but considering the fact that you are an adult and you live in the same house as them and expect them to fully cover it when you should contribute to the household expenses and give them some amount for the water heater. You don’t have to give all of your savings but you should help them.
Water heaters can be easy to hard to replace look it over maybe it’s an easy replacement and it be diy.
Going to pay you back ? If they are in their 50s and haven’t saved enough for the heater by now, what are the realistic chances of them saving enough to pay you back ?
I doubt they would ever pay you back unless they won the lottery. Let them use their credit card and pay it off responsibly. I hope you keep your savings in a bank building and they have no names on it. I wouldn’t trust them to not steal whatever they can take of yours. Pay what you can now toward your tuition or whatever. Pay down your bills before your parents can get to one cent of yours.
NTA. It’s heartless of parents to ask their children for money like that
Tell them you used the money on your own debt. Or make them sign a agreement the they have to make payments or have the legal right to place a lein on their house. They can put it on a credit card( they dont want the debt. And won’t be paying it back) they can refinance their mortgage. The water heater is for equity on their house. They can barrow from someone else. They again would have to pay back anyone but you. They can sell things. They have a lot of other options here. But ripping you off is the most cost efficient option. When it’s time to repay you will here we consider that rent for while you were in school. Or you owed us that for not aborting you. We spent a lot raising you. They have no intention of paying you back. Ask to see their financial statements. They might even have the money saved in their retirement account.
Definitely don’t do it..
Yes! It’s for their house so yes, they have to pull out their own credit card. It’s either them paying credit card interest or you paying student loan interest. And it’s their water heater.
If they give you grief, and try to cut support from you or start charging you for things they never did before to be petty or teach you a lesson, point out that they will need you in the future. You will remember this when they need rides to the doctor or help around the house.
Don’t let them sabotage your education.
So either they go into debt, or you do. Its their water heater, their house. Seems pretty straightforward.
NTA, especially if they’re entire repayment plan is “when we can”. And for those claiming that you are an adult living there without rent, what the heck would they do if you weren’t there? No matter who was there, if they need a hot water heater, they need one. If your parents are this far along in their lives and actually own this house rather than rent it, they have some serious issues being unable to handle a simple water heater replacement.
And I once more thank God for my highly competent Generation Jones husband who had our failed hot water heater out, replaced and back in business in 6 hours, 2 days before Christmas. This is the kind of job that any competent tool user can accomplish. Dad should consider looking it up on YouTube and heading to the local hardware store rather than pilfering your savings.
You don’t have it. Tell her Home Depot and Lowe’s have it you can buy it on 90 and 120 days no interest. You probably will not get that money back.
If you have $2000 in the bank but you are carrying $5000 of debt that is incurring interest then you don’t have $2000, you have $3000 of debt. Your parents should understand that.
Maybe you could give them $50 or something… they can use the credit card… those people will make sure they pay. NTA
Where is a new water heater 3-4 grand? I replaced my in laws water heater myself. I purchased a never used water heater from restore(habitat for humanity) for $800 and installed myself. It’s very easy.
Why are you “saving to pay off your debt” when you should have been making payments directly on the loan? You would’ve reduced the interest accrued on the loan and not had available cash for others to request.
NTA. You could have an agreement drawn up with the amount of the loan and the due date.
As a parent with a 20 year old college student living at home who has more savings than I do, I’d still bust out the credit card (and have because I just bought a dishwasher). It’s not my daughter’s job to support this household. It’s mine. Her college education is more important than her contributing to the household. Her graduating debt free is more important to me than whatever interest I have to pay on that credit card. I work hard so her future is easier than mine has been. My dream is for my daughter’s life to be as easy and worry free as possible.
Nta, imo.
Water heater is under $1000 and not difficult to install.
NTA. Them paying you back more than likely won’t happen. They have a credit card and they can pay the credit card back.
Holy fudge…where do you live that a tank costs that much????
My mother and stepfather operated like this. Just no financial sense. They eventually lost their house. Zero personal responsibility, of course. They blame it all on the govt., despite my stepfather’s chronic unemployment, boozing and multiple DUIs. You should take care of yourself and avoid all financial entanglements with them.
They’ll probably never understand that perspective as they are incapable. If they did,they would not be begging cash from their child for a water heater.
NTA. Save yourself.
Last sentence says it all. They’ve made choices that landed them here. You’re going to be covering them your whole life if you start now.
Sounds like a great opportunity for your parents to learn how to install a new water heater.
Because you can get them for just a couple hundred dollars.
They absolutely don’t need to hire someone for it. They could mess up installing it 10 times and still have money left compared to hiring someone to do it.
Never give family money. Most certainly absolutely never loan family money.
And if your even think of giving them scholarship money, you aren’t smart enough for college.
If you do, ask them to sign and notarize that you all have a % share of the house at sale, and use their wedding rings as collateral. (Bank safety deposit box 3″x5″ is $10-15/mo). Make sure it’s in your name only.
If you parents don’t have that much savings in there 50s, and there was no catastrophic medical issue in the past wiping out their money, they can not be trusted.
If they are on your bank account, close it and open a new one in your name only. Never discuss finances.
Lock your credit and put a PIN on your SSN ( if in the US).
I may sound paranoid, but these stories often lead to parents just taking the money.
NTA
They should be embarassed as hell to ask their 19 year old child for money.
It should be the other way round, they are supposed to help you with your education for a good and solid future life.
At their age, they should have money saved for their retirement, and they should use that for any emergencies.
Please don’t give them your money. You will never get it back, they will always have reasons why they can’t pay you back at that moment.
See to yourself, and move out if you are at all able.
Have you called around to check prices yourself?
I know you said it’s consistent with prevailing prices in your region, but that is still about 4x more expensive than I’ve heard/paid
Plus, you probably cannot LEGALLY use that scholarship money for anything other than it’s defined purpose
YTA you don’t want to be part of your family then move the f*** out. Are you paying rent? Food?? Utilities???
NTA. My children lived with me until they were 25 and 26. I have never borrowed money from my children. If I felt that I needed to ask them and they said no for any reason, I would need to accept that and put it on a credit card or take out a loan.
At their age they know there are unexpected expenses and should have money set aside for that purpose.nits a red flag that they don’t. NTA.
Don’t be surprised if they start charging you rent.
Tell them to get a second opinion. Mine sprung a leak and I was able to repair it for 1/10 of the price of a new one.
Just lie and say the money is on hold right now, so you dont have to worry about hard feelings and guilt trips. I know it’s hard lying to your parents, but after a while, I found it’s just easier to lie if you have needy parents.
If you don’t pay rent or anything else, maybe just give them some money?
Sometimes helping family is worth it, if they have always been good to you and taken care of you emotionally and financially helping them
Is a great help. Where iiventhey are about $1000 or they will install them
And you pay rent on them each month
So they do have a way to pay for it, they just don’t want to. That’s what a credit card should be used for, anyway. You might live there but it’s not your house. It’s their responsibility to make repairs and improvements on their property. You have no reason to feel bad for looking after your own interests and they need to look after theirs. NTA
Your scholarship is for your education – do not use it on anything else. You should consider applying for a scholarship for uni accommodation if you can get one. That way you can get out of the house.
Just pay for the debt and tell them you don’t have the cash. Also change banks if you’re at the same bank as them.
If they can afford a cruise, alcohol and cigarettes they can afford a water heater replacement.
Lots of parents support their children through tertiary education and until they can establish themselves. You need to ask yourself what sort of parents you have ?
Yes, Mom. Charge it. It’s your responsibility.
You should have said you’d all ready spent your savings paying off your own debt.
View this as a prime example of why you should always have an emergency savings fund that will cover 6-12 months of your living expenses. I would also view this as a perfect example of “You dont have to spend every penny you make.”
No good and healthy parent needs money from a 19-year-old
No and make sure they can’t access it. Also lock down your credit too
NTA
Don’t discuss your finances with them.
No. Just–no! You’re paying off debt, which means you have no money to spare! Why don’t your parents have at least $3000 in savings? Don’t they have an emergency fund? No retirement savings? Their lack of fiscal discipline isn’t your problem. Your debt is your problem. Don’t make it a bigger problem by giving away what little savings you have.
By the way, water heaters have a certain life span. It’s well known that after about 10 years, they should be replaced. They even have the purchase date or installation date marked on them, so the homeowner can track their age, and plan ahead for a replacement. Owners who push the envelope and let them go and extra few years know they need to watch for the beginning signs of a leak. Either your parents are complete flakes, or there’s something fishy with this story.
NTA.
But please watch your credit score etc. I cannot shake off the feeling, that they will try a stunt like opening credit cards / creating debts in your name.
Not the AH. They’re adults they should act like adults and not ask their kid to put up the money. If they were smart they should have asked you to pay rent if they’re that broke. After my husband passed away my daughter and sil asked me to move in with them and guess what? I pay rent to help out because I’m a responsible adult even though my late husband and I let them live with us rent free when they were first starting out. I use their electricity and eat their food and am living off my husband’s death benefits.
You haven’t stated what your financial contribution to the household is. If you’re not going to contribute in a way that satisfies them, you should move out. You can talk about their bad expenditures all you want, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t a leech.
If they don’t have money for a hot water heater for “their” home now they are not going to have money to pay you back by the time you need it. Absolutely do not give into this. I am coming at this from the point of a single mother who raised three kids and kept a roof over their heads. I would never ask my children to bail me out that is so ridiculous I can’t even. First rule of owning a home is have a high yield account that is for household repairs and big ticket items. I don’t even own a home and I do this for certain things. You are young and just getting started and they are asking you to forfeit your future for their now. NTA
Where do you live? A simple swap out of a water heater costs $1100 around here in the Midwest.
Sounds like you’re happy to live off your parents, contributing nothing. Of course when there’s an emergency it’s none of your concern.
YTA. You should have at least offered to contribute something.
Honestly this entire thing seems incredibly fishy because you can have a new water heater installed for under $1000. Why do they really want your money? NTA.
NTA. They were not planning on paying you back.
They can use a credit card. Sucks, but at least they have that option.
You can also offer to pay a few hundred in rent to help cover costs of things since you are over 18. But, with my kids, the general rule is “if you are full time in school, rent is minimal as you have other priorities.” And would be maybe $200-350 a month to cover cell phone and groceries.