Me and my bf have been somewhat together for 3 years, part of it was unoffical and we have taken a couple month break but have since been together again since march. I love him so much, he truely is my everything
Everything seemed to be fine but there is however something new he started doing, everytime he get irritated with me or I do something wrong he gives me a couple slaps to the face. Not full force, but it’s also clear he isn’t doing it softly either. We spend a weekend together and one day he even slapped or pucnhed (not sure) my arm when he was mad and it seriously kinda stung. He always starts goofing or saying stuff like ‘I’m not mad but just work on it’ everytime afterwards which gives me kind of ‘I just hit you but I’m trying to cover it up as a joke’ vibes. But I’m not sure if he doesn’t know his own strenght or does this on purpose. I can’t ask him, because he’ll just get mad…. For example:
Today I also found out he has been lying about a female, we had a fight about him constantly hiding their messages and that caused our break last year. He had promised to never talk to her again but I just found out he added her again last month and hid it from me. When confronted he accused me of ‘everytime we have fun, you need to nag me about something’ and about how he hid their messages way back then/now so I wouldn’t complain. If he never had hidden them in the first place, I would never had been mad. But he made it sketchy himself. He got very aggresive, screaming and turning red and insulting/belittleing me….
Is this gonna become worse, is this gonna turn into real abuse? Or am I overreacting? What should I do? Just wait it out to see if he keeps doing it? Because I don’t wanna wait to see if it will be worse…
TL;DR my bf had started slapping me when he’s irritated at me, laughs it off as a joke. But it’s not soft enough to be a joke, worried he might hit me soon? What should I do?
Comments
Yeah, definitely don’t be in a relationship with somebody who hits you, what are you doing?
Yes. Dude is escalating his mistreatment of you and is absolutely hitting you and trying to pretend that it’s a joke – bail. You should bail. There’s 0 reason to stick around and see if it gets worse because it sucks already.
Please reach out to your support system <3 and exit as quickly as possible
You sound way too smart to be asking a question like this.
It’s not unheard of for these tendencies to take a couple years to show up, esp since you were both 18 when it began. But the one thing I can guarantee is that once it happens, it always escalates.
Don’t play head games with yourself, don’t get caught up in long angsty convos with him, don’t try to rationalize it. Just get the hell away from him.
He’s hitting you AND you are both downplaying it.
He’s hitting you.
Your boyfriend hits you.
Yes, this is an abusive relationship. It became one when he started hitting you.
Leave now. Leave yesterday.
This is past the “start” of abuse. He is already regularly hitting you, he’s just not doing it with full force. You are only a half step away from getting punched into the face. You should end this relationship as soon as possible, and I would try to never be alone with him again. It only takes one thrown thing or one hit that lands wrong to change your life forever (or end it).
That is abuse. This is real abuse. It has started.
This is not playful. This is contempt, control and threatening. You’re being treated and trained to accept this.
Do not wait it out. Even if it never got any worse than this, this is unacceptable.
And it always gets worse.
It IS abuse, not the start of it. It will get worse if you stay. He’s seeing how much abuse you’ll tolerate before leaving, now he knows he can hit you and you won’t leave.
> I also found out he has been lying about a female
Woman. Don’t parrot men who call us “females.” But he promised he’d stop talking to her. He lied. Why are you still there?
> He got very aggresive, screaming and turning red and insulting/belittleing me….
And more abuse (verbal abuse is still abuse). Leave before he hurts you. He’s literally slapping you to “punish” you when he’s mad. He’s a lying, cheating, abuser. It’s not a joke, it’s him punishing you. Get out.
What do you mean, he might hit you soon? He’s ALREADY HITTING YOU. He’ll just start hitting you harder, and very soon, unless you leave right now. Stop minimizing his abuse. Get out, for your safety. You deserve better.
Time to go!
It’s hard to leave a relationship, but so much harder to stay in a toxic one.
There is so much better out there!
It is already “real abuse”, no matter the force he’s using when he slaps you. Leave ASAP for your own well being please, he’s abusive, a lier and surely a cheater
MLeek is correct. This IS real abuse. Screaming at you and gaslighting? Abuse. The hitting you and then playing it off? Abuse. To answer another part of your question, yes, it will get worse. I’m so sorry. If you can, please leave. It.will.get.worse. If you stay, you will hit lows mentally that you didn’t even know existed. I need to stress that, as somebody who has been in many abusive relationships within the last 18 years or so. Please please love yourself and care about your mental health enough to get out.