This morning, I (17F) was woken up by my mom (46F) and told to get ready because we’re going to my grandma’s house. For context, my grandma’s house is an hour or so away. I dozed back off because I didn’t think we were going there straight off the wake up. I was wrong. She came back in my room and screamed at me to get ready. So I asked her, “why didn’t you tell me this yesterday so I was more prepared?” She then SCREAMS at me and says “I don’t need to run shit by you, I’m the parent, who do you think you are? If I tell you to do something, you do it!” and slams the door in my face. This was when I decided not to go.
My grandma called me after and I asked her “when did you guys plan this?” and she said this had been planned since Friday. So my mom knew about this for days and decided to say absolutely nothing about it, then decided to wake me up in the morning abruptly and wonder why I had a problem with it.
I love my grandma btw, and have no problem with going to her house. What I do have a problem with is the level of disrespect from my mom. She constantly oversteps my boundaries, disregards the way I feel, and has told me literally since I was a kid that my feelings don’t matter. I’m just kinda tired of it. AITA?
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This morning, I (17F) was woken up by my mom (46F) and told to get ready because we’re going to my grandma’s house. For context, my grandma’s house is an hour or so away. I dozed back off because I didn’t think we were going there straight off the wake up. I was wrong. She came back in my room and screamed at me to get ready. So I asked her, “why didn’t you tell me this yesterday so I was more prepared?” She then SCREAMS at me and says “I don’t need to run shit by you, I’m the parent, who do you think you are? If I tell you to do something, you do it!” and slams the door in my face. This was when I decided not to go.
My grandma called me after and I asked her “when did you guys plan this?” and she said this had been planned since Friday. So my mom knew about this for days and decided to say absolutely nothing about it, then decided to wake me up in the morning abruptly and wonder why I had a problem with it.
I love my grandma btw, and have no problem with going to her house. What I do have a problem with is the level of disrespect from my mom. She constantly oversteps my boundaries, disregards the way I feel, and has told me literally since I was a kid that my feelings don’t matter. I’m just kinda tired of it. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I think I’m not the asshole because my mom is blatantly ignoring the way I feel
(2) I might be the asshole because maybe I should’ve just listened?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
Good news: at 18 you can move out and keep contact with her to a minimum.
NTA
I’m a parent of a kid your age.
It is possible your mom forgot (between Friday and Saturday night) to say something or just didn’t have a chance to say something. It is also possible (but unlikely) that she told you but you didn’t hear her/ pay attention. AND it is very possible she didn’t bother to tell you because she is not considerate of how her plans impact you. I have no idea but trust you to reflect on the different possibilities.
Whatever the cause for the lack of communication, it was still easy to say n t a because her response to you was unhinged!!!
My first thought was there was some emergency, and your mom was panicking. But, nope. This was a planned visit.
And her response was not that she had already told you about this (why I consider possibility two unlikely). Her response was that she doesn’t ‘need to run shit by you’. She may not need your permission to make her own plans, but she DOES need to communicate and coordinate with you when her plans affect/involve you.
If this is her norm, then she is being an AH. Probably not much you can do to change her. Just know that her behavior is rude, hypocritical, and not the norm.
NTA
I think your Mum was quite rude to you. I don’t think anyone should scream at anyone, really. Being courteous costs nothing. Did she apologise for the way she spoke to you?
Will probably get downvoted for this but your mother is correct. She doesn’t need to run shit by you. You’re not her equal at this moment in time yet you seem to feel like you should be treated as such. Whichever way you swing it, you are still a minor. Could she have given you a heads up? Sure. Could she have woken you in a nicer way? Sure. But she doesn’t really need to check with you if it’s okay.
Think I have to go with YTA. This was handled wrong but was escalated by you. You were woken and told to get ready. You decided that you were gonna doze back off. Had you at least enquired as to when you were leaving then this all could’ve been avoided. Yes, had your mother given you a heads up this could also have been avoided but, in my opinion, she’s really under no obligation to do so.