I’ve been dating this girl for 3 years(long distant) Currently my relationship has gotten quite stale. Felt more like we were friends than partners. We talk less, we dont flirt or talk explicit to each other anymore etc. Anyways, she happened to lose her purse one day which had all the most important daily items you can think of such as wallet, keys, phone, credit cards etc. She was stressing to the point where she was gonna cry as she didn’t believe anyone would return it as it was a very expensive designer purse. Few hours later a man appeared at her door. He found the purse and drove it all the way to her house to return it. She was unbelievably relieve and offered him money for his time and kindness. The man declined but said “I’d accept dinner instead” since she was so happy she agreed and gave him her number. She claims there was no flirtation involved and she just really feels she owes the man something. When I brought up how I feel about this she said “dinner is dinner” and it means nothing. To me, I felt cheated on. I felt so betrayed and as if I lost trust in her. So much so we are on the verge of just ending it. Any advice before things truly end would be much appreciated
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Going on a dinner date with another man is cheating. She doesn’t respect you so move on.
Yeah that would be a no-go for me. Why does she lack the proper boundaries to say no, but thank you very much for offering?
Break up.
Just dump her. She doesn’t respect you.
For me this would be a gray area. I can see thanking him, and the dinner may be OK as long as she very clearly tells him she is in a relationship. The problem is making sure this ends after the dinner.
You say you are not living where she does, are there any plans for that to change at some point? How much longer will you be long distance? You can’t expect a LDR to continue indefinitely with no end in sight.
he’s going to get the physical side of your relationship…
ask her when have yall had dinner?
Yeah, when he offered dinner, it was an ask for a date, versus her saying ‘I am in a relationship but here’s $xx for your trouble.
I get the very strong impression that more happened here than the GF is letting on.
Of course she would say it was nothing. She doesn’t respect you or your relationship. Let her be another guy’s problem.
Two acceptable answers here. 1. Sorry, my boyfriend wouldn’t like it. 2. Me and my boyfriend would love to thank you with dinner. Any version of her going to dinner which he will assume is a date is unacceptable. Give her a chance to put it right though… It’s possible she just hasn’t applied logical thought to the issue.
She agreed to go on a date with another guy, that’s all there is to it.
Look bro trade her in for a newerodel,;
Sounds like her computer has some glitches in it
I accidentally skipped the years when reading the title and assumed you were a teenager couple. This is ridiculous. She’s old enough to know that a man doesn’t invite a woman to dinner for no reason. To me this sounds like gaslighting.
Break up and don’t even give her explanations because she knows the reason already, even if she acts like she doesn’t.
Cheating is cheating. End it.
Dude, if you gave a girl your number and made a date, how would she react? Break up. She doesn’t respect you or the relationship.
Your relationship is going stale and she’s going on a date with a guy.
She’s making sure she has another option before leaving.
I know reddit is quick to jump to telling people to leave but it doesn’t sound like there’s much worth saving here anyway. Especially if she doesn’t agree that accepting a date when she’s in a relationship isn’t right.
What man (or woman) wants to do a good deed for someone and take them for dinner and supposedly pay for it in return? She should have said I’m in a relationship or I think my boyfriend would have something to say about that and offer money for a takeaway
It was over the minute she decided to date her hero. Find out later he stole her purse,just to set this up. It’s like a bad movie.
I don’t know why people entertain long distance relationships.
If she brings home leftovers, you have to stay with her
Lol gas lighting on her behalf is burning like a inferno
It doesn’t sound like cheating to me. But you already want to break up, so just do it.
She thinks that she owes him something, and he thinks that is a DATE. She should have told him that she has a boyfriend and did not feel comfortable going out. Also, based on how you feel about her, it sounds like the relationship may be over, even without this.
Some women are incredibly naive about men’s intentions. I have no idea if your GF is one of them, but them number of women who are blind to the dudes in their orbit who are waiting for their chance is amazing.
It’s over.
Your relationship is over, admit it and move on.
Just end it bro. At least you’ll save your dignity. She no longer care about you or the basic expectations of a relationship.
Good riddance!
Long distance relationship equals out of sight, out of mind
I’ve never met a woman who would be okay with me taking a strange woman to dinner to thank her for finding my wallet!
LDRs rarely work out. Especially if you don’t have any real time together. It ends up being more fantasy than reality. Three years without spending real face to face time together is a long time, especially if there is no end in sight.
Dinner with someone else does not automatically mean cheating, but it depends on the situation and people involved.
Maybe you should break up with her. If there is no plan on when or how the two of you are going to be together, what is the point of tying yourselves down to someone you aren’t with? There is no guarantee you will actually be together for real and when or if you do get to spend real time together, there is no guarantee you will like each other enough to stay together. Online only romance is mostly fantasy. It’s not spending time with each other day in and day out because you can’t touch each other, see how each reacts to different circumstances, or how dirty or clean the other person is. It’s just an emotional relationship and easily manipulated to match the other person’s ideas and views which can change when you get together.
Long distance relationships demand a lot more trust than others. You have to know deep in your bones your partner shares an equitable commitment to your relationship. You’re feeling like your partner is not respecting your feelings because she’s simply dismissing them as inconsequential. You expressed to her how you feel like she accepted a dinner date and that makes you feel jealous. All she did was say you are wrong for feeling that way. It also sounds like she still refuses to acknowledge your feelings.
That disrespect is probably what’s actually bugging you. You’re on shaky ground because of these feelings and being LDR is aggravating those feelings.
If as you said the relationship is stale, can you blame her?
She cheated. Move on. Do not let her lie or gaslight you into accepting this
Flip the situation. I guarantee you she wouldn’t be OK with it.
Y’all are in different countries. You say there is no future regardless. Maybe she feels the same way. So end it and fix your life. 🙂