Hi all, I tried posting about this a few months ago on a separate Reddit account and on a different forum. I ended up taking it down because people kept saying I was over reacting and being unreasonable for not wanting to share baby names with my sister, but here’s the thing, SHES DONE THIS TO MY BROTHER TOO and is threatening to do it to yet another brother. Warning: This is a bit long so TLD is at the bottom.
At first it was over my grandmother’s name that I expressed for years that I loved and wanted for a first name for my future daughter. My sister never said anything about liking or wanting that name for her own daughter(which I would’ve been fine with if she had at least said something about it) until she and her husband were expecting their first child, which was a girl. She sprung it on me at dinner when she and her husband were doing their name reveal for just close family. They asked us to guess the name and I said I would be happy with anything just so long as it wasn’t our grandmothers name. My sister got really quiet and said in a small voice that they had chosen it as a middle name. I was upset at the time but didn’t think I could say anything negative in front of her in laws. I told her later that it really upset me that she chose one of the names that I had been very open about wanting for years and that she hadn’t said anything before hand. She said she didn’t care if cousins shared a name and so I shouldn’t either. As much as I didn’t(and still don’t) want any of my kids to share names with their cousins, I eventually let it go.
I didn’t think much of it for the next year or two until my sister was expecting baby number two and my brother came to visit me while I was away working for the summer. He asked if I knew what she was naming her second daughter. I didn’t and he told me that the name she chose for her second’s was the only baby name he wanted for his daughter(should he have one). Again, SHE NEVER INDICATED SHE LIKED THAT NAME TOO. Not a peep. My brother said it was just like when she announced that she was naming her daughter with the same name I wanted and she basically told him to get over it as well. We were both upset that she would do the same thing twice(although I do understand why she would want my grandma’s name too). What confuses me though is that the name my brother chose was not a family one. It had no ties whatsoever with anyone any of us knew and of all the names she could’ve picked, she chose the single name my brother liked and told him to get over it too.
Now she just had her fifth baby girl and she told my baby brother that if she were to ever have a boy, she would name him my grandpa’s name(who was married to the same grandma who’s name I had said I wanted) and that name is also my brothers middle name. My baby brother was quite irritated by this because that’s “his name too” and “what if he wants to pass it on to his future son someday?” My sister told him that he’s being unreasonable and that she’s taking it if she ever has a son.
We can’t stop her and I know she’s allowed to name her kids whatever she wants, but I think out of all the millions of names out there, is it really so unreasonable for her to choose names that her siblings haven’t expressed that they want for their own kids? It’s not like our lists are long either(usually 2-3 names that we like). She knows that this upsets all of us and yet she keeps doing it and expects us to suck it up because she has kids faster than the rest of us(I and my younger brother each have one child each right now).
It’s gotten to the point where we do want to tell her any names that we plan on using in case she does this again. This is just a personal preference to not share baby names but I and my brothers have been very clear over the years that we don’t want this and her solution seems to be to take them first. This isn’t the only boundary that shes insisted on stomping all over but right now it’s the one that stands out the most because all three of us agree that we hate it.
TLDR: Sister keeps taking baby names and tells all of us siblings to “get over it.”
Advice?
Comments
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Ya know how you prevent this from happening?
Stop telling her the names you like/plan to use!
Or just tell her you don’t give a fuck and will still be using the names for your kids as well. 🤷
Give really horrible names in future, ones you dont like.
And? Use the names that you wanted. It’s okay to have same names in a family. If anyone asks, tell them why!
And stop telling her names that you plan to use? Like learn after the first mistake?
Keeps, being plural.
Stop sharing info with her.
Start gushing about how much you love a name that you really don’t and see if she decides to use it
No one owns a name. If you want her to stop using them first stop telling her what they are.
You know that’s her Grandma and Grandpa too right? Also, you can’t call dibs on names. You and all your siblings need to grow up.
Stop having conversations about what you would name your hypothetical children, especially if you aren’t pregnant. Under most circumstances, “saving” names is silly. If you lay claim to your grandmother’s name and no one else can use it — and then you don’t have a girl— then no one gets the name. There is no problem with cousins sharing a name or part of a name.
INFO: are you all communicating these names and your desires in conversation with her?
As in, did she already know that your brother liked this name for his hypothetical future child?
If the answer is no, well, it’s an unfortunate coincidence. Do you or any of your brothers even have kids?
As far as family names go…you are clearly not Italian or Greek, where it’s completely normal to have four grandchildren in one family named Anthony or Nicholas. You are presumably choosing these names to honor a relative…a relative your sister shares. 🤷♀️
Is it really that shocking that the person pumping out kids every year is going to pick Grandma and Grandpa’s names for two of them??
The advice is that you shouldn’t be having kids until you grow up.
You literally admit to having had this explained to you previously, so you’re here, not actually seeking meaningful and genuine advice but validation for your staggering childishness.
The truth is that your sister sounds like the only reasonable, sensible adult here. The only thing your tantrum here about “but she did it to my brother too!” shows is that you and your brother are both immature. And your whole “sHe NeVEr EvEn sAId sHe LiKeD iT” makes you sound about 5. She is not required (any more than you are) to indicate her preferences in advance, or to get your permission. She is an adult naming her own damn child. It’s none of your business.
She’s not “stealing” names from you or your brother. The very idea of that, particularly with family names, is inane.
First of all, you’re talking about the names of grandparents – her grandparents as much as yours. Even more than most names, having multiple cousins named after a grandparent or great-grandparent is incredibly common and a sign of love and respect. There’s absolutely no reason for your childish “I don’t want them to share names”, but even if there were, that’s YOUR choice . . . no one is actually stopping you from using any of these names, you’re deciding that for yourself. In fact, your sister made a point of telling you that it was fine with her. It’s not fine with you? OK, so that’s your decision to make. But you don’t get to tell other family members that they can’t use an honour name because you “called dibs”. It’s not elementary school.
Secondly, she wasn’t even using the name you wanted as a first name, but a middle name. Are you really that petty and immature that you would begrudge her child a family name as a middle name that will rarely even be used?
Finally, unless you’re talking about extraordinarily unique names, there are likely thousands if not millions of other people in the world who share the names you want to use. Clearly you’re fine with that . . . but you’re not fine with your own family member using them, who again, shares the same bond with your grandparents that you do?
Honestly, I could go on and on about how ludicrous this is, but this comment is already getting long.
TLDR: Shame on you. Seriously. You’re closer to 30 years old than 20, way too old to be acting like this over cousins sharing a literal family name.
name your kids as you want she’s just an ah, why do you care about her or her kids names you will be having their own life and you will have your own also tell her to get over it when you name your daughter 🥰
How many fucking kids is she going to have?
Put her on an info diet, plus, maybe LC since you noted she’s a boundary stomper. Since your whole family knows how she is, stop giving her ammo!
She knows what she is doing . Don’t think you’re overreacting cuz you’re not . Going forward don’t tell her anything else or say a horrible name
How about you use common sense? Stop telling anyone your baby name. Also, you can name your baby whatever you want even if your sister names her baby the same name.
You are totally overreacting how can a name be exclusive. So two people have the same name and now?
And just in case you can say just random names
Stop letting her do that. Use the names anyway. Stop telling her things
stop telling her your personal desires. she obviously gets a kick out of tweaking her siblings’ noses. put your thieving sister on an Information Diet. be selective about what you share. I made up baby names for people who asked that question during my pregnancy: Rochelle/ Rocky for a girl, Ozwald/ Ozzy for a boy. funny how no one took my baby names. we didn’t tell anyone the names we really wanted until they arrived. I have an unusual name that family members are using with more frequency, and no one ever tells me in advance they’re thinking about using my name. all the girls and women rocking my name are never in the same room/ town/ state together anyway, so I try not to get creased about it. you don’t have any control over what other people do.
> people kept saying I was over reacting and being unreasonable
Really? Why on earth would they think that??
Because you are being an immature crybaby who is creating your own problems. Please make sure any children born with the misfortune of having you as a parent have at least one adult-minded person in their lives.
Leave your sister alone. How many more babies is she or you going to have anyway? Let her do what she wants. Your kids need a parent, not a whiny adolescent.
So start claiming you have your heart set on calling your children Baldric and L’Oreal
You and your brother have got to stop telling her the names …..that’s the only way you’ll know if she’s doing it on purpose or not or if she’s just sentimental and like the name because it represents your grandparents.
There was a family close to my ex when she grew up, that had three boys and a girl. Two of the boys were called Norman.
I have no more words now than I did when I first heard of this.
She used grandma’s name as a middle name for her daughter, and you’re mad about that???
Your entire family really needs to grow up.
First – don’t share the names with her. Second – she used grandma’s name as a middle and not a first name. Third – more than one person in the family can have the same name. Two of my dad’s brothers named their kid Jim (only a year apart), two of my mom’s brothers named their kid Ben, and my mom and one of her brothers have a John. Not drama at all.
Use dummy names and test the water.
Cousins can have the same name. You know she and her husband are fertile thieves, so if you want dibs on a name, do not tell them (also is she having babies with a ghost, how come only she gets blamed?). But also no one has dibs on a name, it’s just a name. It can be re-used. However if it is important to you and your siblings, why do you keep telling your sister? It’s been five kids now. This is your own fault.
Are you serious? This all just sounds ridiculous. She is naming her kids names that are either family names or names that you two have discussed with her. Stop telling her names that you like! She has shown her pattern.
That’s when you visit tradgiegh and feed her names like you & your siblings are dead set on naming your kids that.
Stop 👏🏼 sharing 👏🏼 baby 👏🏼 names 👏🏼
How have people not learned this yet??