My (20m) mom got married 6 years ago. Her husband is Luke and he has a son Rhett. Rhett’s 17 now but he’s intellectually disabled and can’t live 100% independently. He needs help with stuff and always will but he’s more independent than people expect when they meet him. That’s because he acts like a really young kid and he gets clingy like a much younger kid when he likes someone.
When my mom married Luke, Rhett got super fond of me super fast and he became overwhelmingly clingy. My mom thought it was the sweetest and Luke disliked me because he saw how unwilling I was to embrace having Rhett be so attached to me. Rhett hated when I wasn’t at mom’s house and he’d cry and scream when I went home to dad, who I lived primarily with. There were times he tried to follow me to dad’s house and it was a whole ordeal that made me spend less time at mom’s house. Which made Rhett more clingy whenever I was there or whenever he saw me. There were times he wandered away from Luke or my mom if he saw me with friends at the mall and he’d follow us. He used to seek me out at school too.
All this means I never really bonded with Rhett. I found him too much and even though mom wanted me to see him as a brother I just didn’t. When I moved into my own place last year mom annoyingly kept talking about how much Rhett missed me and how he wanted to see me. Then mom and Luke told me Rhett wanted to come and stay with me for a few days. They said they would give me money so I wouldn’t face any financial trouble having him. But they think he would have such a great time and he’d get more of me which he keeps asking about me.
I told them I wasn’t comfortable with Rhett coming to stay and Luke was like fuck you, Rhett deserves better than you for a brother. My mom asked me to do it for her and Rhett. She said it would make her whole year to see me embrace him and to see him get time with his favorite person. I told her I didn’t want to deal with having a shadow again. She told me that was so sad because Rhett would light up my life if I gave him a chance and just loved him. She said it would do me some good to stop being so negative and would make a special person very happy.
AITA?
Comments
NTA
You’re not close with him and you don’t view him as a brother no matter how much they try to force it on you. Things like that have to happen organically and the more they push it on you it’s natural to want to reject it.
They likely want a little break from Rhett so you can get comfortable with him and provide a regular respite for them.
You’re NTA and they should get over trying to force a connection that hasn’t been there for 6 years.
NTA
You mother wants to shift her responsibility on to you for sometime .
Tell her and her husband that your step brother is not entitled to your love or your time .
They cannot force you to bond with him
The fact that she was not even your primary care giver says a lot
You let your stepbrother stay once and your mom and step dad will assume you will “babysit” him any time they want. Don’t let them cross your boundaries. You may look heartless to them but your peace and boundaries matter aa well
NTA. My mom also married a man with a clingy mentally disabled son. It sounds to me like your mom and Luke are trying to set you up as a baby sitter for Rhett when they need a break and to eventually take over as primary care giver. If I were you I would shut that down fast and hard.
NTA Luke might even see you as the caretaker when he and your mom is gone. The fact is that your mom chose to be with Luke and his son, you didn’t so it’s all her show now. And don’t give your key to your mom but that is obvious.
NTA
Shame on your mother for trying to bully you into being her stepson’s emotional support animal. Then again, she chose to marry a man who wanted to offload his kid onto a minor, so its probably in line with her character (or lack thereof). The next time Luke spits his poison at you, remind him that Rhett is NOT your brother, and you will not babysit so he and your mom can have a break.
Then, warn your mother that she is ruining her relationship with her actual son, and she needs to adjust quickly before the damage she has been doing is irreversible. Also, tell them that if they just show up and leave him on your doorstep, you will call the police and CPS on them.
NTA, as others have said, you can’t set a precedent.
They can go hire a nanny/man-ny if he needs someone like that in his life. They just want you as free care for him when they are overwhelmed.
Stay strong ✨ Wishing you the best!
Aren’t you a special person? Don’t you deserve happiness and peace? He was forced on you repeatedly and now they are trying to force him in you again. That’s actually cruel to the kid. He already didn’t understand why you didn’t want him around but let’s force him in you again in your home so he can be completely ignored because you didn’t want him there in the first place. Also kid’s Dad saying his son deserves better? Ofc he does he deserves someone who wants him around so SO FORCING HIM IN SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T. Your mom and her partner have some serious flaws man. NTA
NTA. If you’re not careful, you’ll end up with Rhett full-time.
NTA. No. Absolutely not.
The thing about blended families is if you force them they don’t happen. I’m not trying to discount what you’re saying or how you’re feeling because I support you 100%.
But you were older and already independent when your mom and her husband got together. It’s not personal but sibling love doesn’t just suddenly happen.
NTA – and I wonder if they want you close to him so that you can be his guardian after they pass.
Nah… Rhett needs therapy and help. It is not your responsibility, full stop. At all. You owe them nothing.
NTA
At all. He is not your responsibility.
They are probably hoping that you will eventually take over his care full time (when they are elderly).
Your stepfather is incredibly disrespectful towards you. Why would you help him out when he treats you like shit? It is also a huge responsibility to look after someone with mental disability.
My daughter had Down’s, and she does go and stay with her sisters, but they were brought up with her, know her quirks, and I am incredibly grateful when I get a break, but equally, would never demand they cared for her.
Don’t feel guilty. You owe them nothing.
NTA. You are not his parent. They are. If you let him come, he will never leave. You have to live your life.
The great thing about being 18+ is that you don’t have to listen to your parents or even be guilt tripped into anything that you don’t agree with or accept. Stay strong and make healthy boundaries. NTA
Who are these asshole parents and step parents ? Hell no.
Sounds like they want to use you for respite care instead so they can go do what they want.
So, they want you to raise Rhett?
He’s never been to your place and they want you to host him for days? That’s a bit much. Honestly it sounds better if whatever relationship you have with him, it’s spent away from your place so you have somewhere to retreat to afterwards.
She chose to have them as a family, you did not. You can’t fake family relationships. If it isn’t there it isn’t. NTA