Warning: SA Minor
When I (25M) was 17 I was SAed (I prefer this term) by my manger (28F) at the time she was 20. This incident legally fell within the Romeo and Juliet law in my state. I told my parents immediately and they did press charges on her at the time. I had rape kit done that same day at the hospital. Evidence was collected and my statement was taken. Unfortunately she was found not guilty. You would think that a child would be proof enough. My lawyers could not prove that I didn’t grant consent, though. I was not a credible victim. During the case my character was attacked. They brought up my past drug use which was occasionally an edible for my anxiety. My parents knew. My mom was the one who suggested the idea to me when I was 16. I fell through the cracks.
When she gave birth to our child I was 18 at the time. I was in the delivery room and had cut cord. In order to be there I had lied to her. I claimed that I wanted a relationship with her and now that I was adult legally we could be together. Really I just wanted to be around for my child.
My baby took away the pain from what happened. I have never felt such love for another until the day of their birth. We have a great support system. My parents are amazing grandparents. Her parents are too. I never deny them an opportunity to see their grandbaby.
For 8 years now, the biological mother hasn’t been apart of our life. She chose to party and took off shortly after giving birth. I have always been okay with that. Now she wants a chance to raise my child with her new lover. I am uncomfortable with this idea. I tried to voice my opinion on the subject with my parents and hers and they all agree that my child has every right to see their biological mother. I would feel differently if my child was 12-14 to decide for themselves. They keep trying to make me feel awful. It has gotten to the point that I keep my child with their babysitter instead of family. Is there any better talking points I can bring up to my parents and hers to help they understand why this is a bad idea?
AITAH for not wanting my child to met their biological mother?
Comments
NTA.
You’re not keeping your child from some loving, stable parent who’s been wrongfully excluded – you’re protecting them from someone who traumatized you, abandoned the child for eight years, and is now suddenly interested because her life situation changed.
Eight years is a long time for a parent to be absent without even trying to maintain contact or build a relationship. Kids form their sense of safety and trust around the people who consistently show up for them – and that’s been you (and your support system), not her. It’s completely reasonable to want to delay contact until your child is old enough to understand the situation and make their own informed decision.
NTA, she chose to leave your child’s life for an extended period, even if we ignore everything else that itself is something to protect your child from, if the child gets attached now it will be detrimental if she leaves again. Get a lawyer and start proceedings to get a formal custody arrangement in place if you don’t already have something officially granting you sole custody.
NTA
You’re the child’s parent. It’s your choice to make. Even if it was a consensual relationship, she hasn’t been present. You don’t know or trust her. You have no idea who her partner is. Get a lawyer asap.
NTA
The grandparents need to realize that they are NOT your child’s parents and not decision makers in this story.
If mom wants a relationship with the child. She needs to go to court. They will likely give her a step up plan for visitation.
NTA
I’m sick and tired of people always defending the biological mother in this situation. I thought my mother was the world, I loved her so much. Then I realized she was a horrible person and the only reason my dad stayed is because everyone said she’d get custody. My dad tried to tell legal help about how she’s a drug addict and would take us to buy while intoxicated. They didn’t care, they would only do something if she had drugs in her hands. I haven’t talked to her in 2 years and my life is 100% better. I wish I wasn’t raised by my biological mother, I would have been happier and healthier.