EDIT: For a bit of extra info…I work with a lot of antiques and my field of work is in interiors, so I have a lot of lovely pieces I wouldnt even dream of asking him to pitch in for, because they’re for me and it wouldn’t be fair. But things like the TV, beds, and the sofa aren’t anything special. It is also worth mentioning thay any equity I made on the house wouldnt be influenced by the furniture inside. That’s based on the work i do to the house, which I am solely paying for.
I own a house and my boyfriend moved in with me, he pays bills and rent with me as a pretty equal split
We plan to move in together when his CCJ comes off his credit report in 3 years so made sense to live together and get my house sorted in the meantime.
I pay for ALL the work on the house and renovations, I also sort it all myself and do it myself. He will occasionally help me with heavy lifting stuff and do a few tip runs. I’ve also been buying all the furniture and recently feeling very exhausted and overwhelmed being responsible for absolutely everything in the house, its been 2 years already. From the cleaning, to any emergency plumbing issues, to buying all the furniture and making any house decision at all.
I recently asked him if we could split a few bigger items that we both use, or him only uses, and that we could take to our house on the future, and it turned into an argument for an entire day and he point blank refused. Baring in mind I’ve purchased everything from the fridge to the cushions on the bed, I asked if he would split maybe the new sofa with me and in the future maybe a table and a new TV of we need.
After he’d refused, he then began to say he was fine with whatever we had anyway and that when we move to our ‘nice’ house he’ll pitch in then and that this is a just a beginner house.
I’ve worked so hard to be a homeowner and work really hard for us both to make it a nice home, so felt very disrespected by that comment and the hint that my house was only worthy or cheap things.
AMITA for thinking he should help out?
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I own a house and my boyfriend moved in with me, he pays bills and rent with me as a pretty equal split
We plan to move in together when his CCJ comes off his credit report in 3 years so made sense to live together and get my house sorted in the meantime.
I pay for ALL the work on the house and renovations, I also sort it all myself and do it myself. He will occasionally help me with heavy lifting stuff and do a few tip runs. I’ve also been buying all the furniture and recently feeling very exhausted and overwhelmed being responsible for absolutely everything in the house, its been 2 years already. From the cleaning, to any emergency plumbing issues, to buying all the furniture and making any house decision at all.
I recently asked him if we could split a few bigger items that we both use, or him only uses, and that we could to to our house on the future, and it turned into an argument for an entire day and he point blank refused. Baring in mind I’ve purchased everything from the fridge to the cushions on the bed, I asked if he would split maybe the new sofa with me and in the future maybe a table and a new TV of we need.
After he’d refused, he then began to say he was fine with whatever we had anyway and that when we move to our ‘nice’ house he’ll pitch in then.
I’ve worked so hard to be a homeowner and work really hard for us both to make it a nice home, so felt very disrespected by that comment and the hint that my house was only worthy or cheap things.
AMITA for thinking he should help out?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my partner to buy shared items in the house i own. I think i could be the asshole because I owm the house and should pay for all the items in the house and not my partner, and expecting him to pay is entitiled of me
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA. He has no equity in your current house. So the way you’ve been doing it so far is just right. Don’t change it.
If/when the time comes for you to buy a house together, that’s a whole new deal.
Well, welcome to a glimpse of your future. Is this how you want to live your life? Hint: it’s not going to change when you move into your “nice” house. NTA, and I would rethink the relationship.
NTA. He’s freeloading. Stop buying shit for him and if he wants a ‘nice’ house, he can start acting like he lives in one NOW
NTA. I bet he’ll find excuses to not contribute to new things when you get to your “nice” house as well.
It’s your house you should be paying for all the stuff in relation to your house.
If it was my house I’d ask him to pay half the interest not half the mortgage. Until he’s on the title and you’re married he’s just paying down your house that you can bounce and keep the equity anytime.
I’d say NAH but you need to both figure out how you’re comfortable handling this situation.
Please, dear God, tell us you aren’t selling your current house to invest in a different house with this guy!
You own the house. He pays rent and utlities. Does he pay market rent? If the two of you broke up tomorrow, who would move out? What would that person take with them beyond their clothing and personal items?
If he’s paying rent and utlities in a house you own, I can understand why he might not want to furnish YOUR house. It might be different if the two of you were sharing a rental, but if you OWN it, then you are building equity, he is not. He is getting a place to stay, sure, but it sounds like he’s happy with the furnishings as they are. He also may feel as if you are the one choosing the items for the house, and therefore should be the one paying for them.
NTA, but I think the two of you need to have some deep conversations about what you think your financial future looks like.
He should pay for stuff that only he uses. You need to pay for the stuff for the house. If he has Equity then he should pay put it until then this is on you.
NTA- Even if you two were living in an apartment together things like couches, mattresses, pillows, plates, etc would be split. Why would it be different if it was a house? I would not buy a “nice” house with him if you are using the equity you gained from this house. Does he do anything to make your life easier like pitching in with the cleaning, grocery runs, or other basic chores?
Uggggh, I had a Y T A all written out, but then I got to thinking about it some more, and now I’ve flipped sides! Lol
So, here’s what I was originally thinking. The house is yours, not his. At this point, he’s a tenant. He pays half the bills, so he’s not mooching. But the maintenance and the upkeep, that’s your costs to eat because like I said, it’s your house.
But then I got to thinking, and it occurred to me that furniture isn’t the same as household repairs and maintenance. He uses the furniture too, he’s part of what makes it get old and worn down and needing replaced. So, unlike the bills that he is paying half for, he’s getting the use of these items at no cost to himself.
So, yeah… now that I think about it, if it’s a shared item that you both use, you should split the cost. You mentioned some items that ONLY he uses, and you should not have paid for those items at all! And vice versa, if there’s something that only you would use, pay for it yourself.
There is an argument to be made that if the relationship fell apart though, he’d be left with nothing and you’d have everything. So maybe if it would make him feel better, you two can have a frank conversation about who would get what if a breakup happened.
Or, maybe just deal with the older furniture for the next couple years until you’re ready to buy a place together, and just save up your money til then.
NTA overall though.
Edit: I just did a quick read-through and I noticed you wrote that you also do all the cleaning. That is NOT a thing he should be refusing to do just because he doesn’t own the house. That is ridiculous! You aren’t his Mommy! Every Grown Adult Needs To Clean The Place Where They Live! HUGE RED FLAG there!
> he pays bills and rent with me as a pretty equal split
So he pays rent for staying in your house but you want him to also pay for renovations and repairs?
What tenant pays for renovations or repairs?
It’s your house. Not yours and his. He’s just a tenant. He legally has no stake in the house.
And he’s made it clear he’s happy to cover his part of repairs and renovations when ye do purchase a home together.
He’s not being an asshole, he’s just not investing in someone else’s property when he’s not got a stake in it.
YTA: it is your house and you are responsible for paying for all major ticket items like repairs. You are the landlord and he is a tenant. It isn’t his house. You should be paying for renovations because only YOU are entitled to any equity in the house. What you are asking for is greedy and unreasonable.
You can’t afford buying all the furniture so stop and just buy used things in the meantime.
So sell the house and rent something together
NTA. If he was a roommate instead of bf, he would probably split a lot of the furniture, or the understanding would be that whomever pays for it keeps it. Rn, he’s acting like a roommate, not a partner. And don’t pay for anything only He uses. Tbh, I would seriously rethink this whole relationship. He’s expecting wifey treatment but isn’t reciprocating with husband treatment.
NTA he is abusing your generosity. He should pay half of what you require or charge him for usage. He is the asshole.
NTA. Is he under financial strain or something? It’s not like these items are overly expensive. You’ve done a lot for him, it wasn’t a big ask to me, unless he’s mismanaged his money and is broke.
NTA. I think the yta answers are overlooking that you’re asking him to pay for furniture, which is usually on a tenant to provide. You’re entirely within your rights to ask him to cover part of it – if you two shared a rental, wouldn’t you both pay for the furniture?
He pays bills and he pays rent. Hopefully a decent amount of rent.
The house is yours and so it’s right that you pay for and do the work to maintain and update it. He has no equity stake in it.
As for furnishings – yes you both use them. How you choose to buy them is something that the two of you need to agree on. And if he’s not willing to share cost then perhaps you don’t buy things that are primarily for him to use – he wants a new office chair, for example, he can buy one.
I don’t think it is unreasonable of you to want to share the cost of shared furnishings, but I also don’t think it unreasonable of him to not want to. I’m torn between N T A and N A H. I do wonder, however, what he does contribute to the relationship in general, and what he plans to contribute towards this “nice” house he’s referring to – will he have the money to put an equal amount towards the purchase of said house, or is he planning on just skating by on your assets?
Info: these new items. Are they stuff y’all actually need right now or stuff you just want to replace with better? Sounds like the latter
Soft YTA. You own the house, but you said that your boyfriend pays bills and rent with you as a pretty equal split. He definitely should help with the cleaning, but paying for plumbing and buying items for the house is on you. If you want to buy a couch and a TV with him you’ll have to come to some sort of agreement beforehand as to what happens to those items if you break up and he moves out.
NTA why would he want to buy new stuff at the nice house when you already bought new stuff and you can just use that stuff? He’s never going to decide that he wants to pitch in financially.
He’s doing you a favour. You get to keep everything once you realise he’s not worth it and get rid of him.
He’s fobbing you off, I’d like to believe you’re not believing his pathetic excuse. He’s cheap, he knows you’re easy since you put up with him and he knows you’ll be a smooth ride. He’s fine where he is, you won’t get rid of him. You’re the one who has to do everything whilst he relaxes.
Clear NTA, sounds like my ex.
He has no obligation to pay for repairs or upgrades. But furniture? That’s a standard roommate split.
You two might not be compatible financially. Let him go rent a fully furnished home elsewhere.
NTA
He has no obligation to pay for repairs or upgrades. But furniture? That’s a standard roommate split.
You two might not be compatible financially. Let him go rent a fully furnished home elsewhere.
NTA
NTA. But are you sure you want to plan a future with someone who doesn’t treat you as a true partner?
YTA. He’s a tenant. A tenant has no responsibility for repairs to make the dwelling habitable or improvement. However, furniture should be split.
He should pay for stuff that is mostly just his, and he should also pick those things out. It kinda sounds like he does not like the things you are picking out. Does he feel much autonomy in the house?
Even as a renter, you get to feel like your place is “yours” to some extent, so you furnish it the way you want. But does he feel like the place is his?
Whatever is going on there, stop buying things that aren’t worth the price for you to buy on your own/without his help.
Reevaluate your relationship. That’s not a partner.
Needs to pay market rent for furnished house with housecleaning
Sit him down and tell him that while the house is yours, you’ll pay for all the work required, any plumbing issues, electrical problems or issues pertaining to the house itself just as a landlord would. However, remind him that it is not up to you to pay for all the furniture/furnishings/household contents, unless of course you agreed to charge him extra to live in a furnished home. Remind him that out there in the real world you would both need to pay for your own furniture/furnishings/home contents etc and that it is no different there unless you are buying specific things that are your taste where he has no say in what you are buying. Equally, if he wants something just for him then he should pay for that. Make sure you’re both paying equal for electricity, water etc too. If he doesn’t like that then end the relationship and send him out there in the real world where he’ll be forced to pay those things anyway. Maybe he needs a reality check. Nobody likes to be taken advantage of and if he doesn’t get that then it will continue to make you miserable if you don’t lay down the law or get rid of him.
Don’t buy a house with him… if you want to buy another home, buy it yourself in only your name. I wouldn’t trust him and I don’t think you should.
It’s a little confusing as to whether you think your bf should split renovations to the house (no) or some furnishings and cleaning (yes). Two completely different things.
Anything that is affixed to the house (wiring, walls, roof) is your responsibility as well as things like the stove.
Furniture is up for debate. Most people don’t rent fully furnished apartments so he should contribute to some household goods – a new sofa, a new tv, bedsheets and silverware. He should also contribute to general upkeep – mow the lawn, clip the hedges, that sort of thing.
Just think of it as what would he have to contribute if he was renting the house down the street alone? He wouldn’t pay for the new driveway but he would have to buy his own bed. And he would have to clean and do chores.
His attitude is troubling if his refusal extends past the house renovation and into everything needed to make the house (your capital asset) into a home (clean, comfortable living quarters). Then he’s just being difficult and taking advantage of you. Are you sure you want to live with this guy.
NTA.
YTA 100%.
This is your house. He has zero equity in it. It would be one thing if you didn’t already have furniture. Or if he also wanted this furniture. But he doesn’t. So either buy it yourself, or don’t.