Reposting because I barely got any comments on my other post
My (f17) brother (m16) has a nerve disorder that’s gotten worse. He used to like playing video games a lot, but now he can’t play video games anymore. He’s tried a bunch of adaptive controllers and assistive settings, but they don’t really work anymore.
So a few times he’s had me play video games for him. Basically, it’s me controlling the character, but my brother makes all the decisions for things like skill points, customization, any in game decisions, which direction to go, what quest/mission to do, and stuff like that. He tried doing it with our parents too, but our mom doesn’t like violence at all, so she won’t, and our dad isn’t very good with tech stuff and every single time he needs every little thing reexplained even a lot of the times during the same game session. Then he just keeps on dying, so it doesn’t really work.
He enjoys it and keeps asking me to play for him more, but I said no because it’s a very unenjoyable activity for me. There’s nothing fun about basically just being a verbal input machine for him. Plus, if it’s a game I’ve played before it’s so boring and if it’s a game I haven’t played before it ruins the experience for me.
Also, it takes up a lot of time and makes me not like playing video games so much. I do like playing video games by myself, but I also don’t always want to be in front of a screen. So, if I play games for him it takes up my mental capacity for screen time and I don’t get to play games for myself.
Still, he wants me to play for him because it’s his only way he sort of gets to play and feel like he is involved in the game. I kept refusing though so he started bothering me whenever I was playing video games. He will come in the room and sort of back seat game by telling me what I should do or should have done which is very annoying and also ruins it for me because it’s distracting. Even if he is quiet for like a minute its annoying having someone silently judge everything you do and makes me second guess everything I’m doing. Kind of like in school and a teacher just stops and stands over you and looks at what you’re writing.
So now I’ve started only playing games on my steam deck or switch because then I can play in my bed or right against a wall so my brother can’t look over my shoulder or I can at least move away if he tries to. He gets mad at me when I do this because he said he just wants to watch me play and it’s not fair that I won’t let him when he can’t even play anymore. I told him he should just watch streamers play then, but he says it’s not the same because he doesn’t get to feel involved because they never read his comments.
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Reposting because I barely got any comments on my other post
My (f17) brother (m16) has a nerve disorder that’s gotten worse. He used to like playing video games a lot, but now he can’t play video games anymore. He’s tried a bunch of adaptive controllers and assistive settings, but they don’t really work anymore.
So a few times he’s had me play video games for him. Basically, it’s me controlling the character, but my brother makes all the decisions for things like skill points, customization, any in game decisions, which direction to go, what quest/mission to do, and stuff like that. He tried doing it with our parents too, but our mom doesn’t like violence at all, so she won’t, and our dad isn’t very good with tech stuff and every single time he needs every little thing reexplained even a lot of the times during the same game session. Then he just keeps on dying, so it doesn’t really work.
He enjoys it and keeps asking me to play for him more, but I said no because it’s a very unenjoyable activity for me. There’s nothing fun about basically just being a verbal input machine for him. Plus, if it’s a game I’ve played before it’s so boring and if it’s a game I haven’t played before it ruins the experience for me.
Also, it takes up a lot of time and makes me not like playing video games so much. I do like playing video games by myself, but I also don’t always want to be in front of a screen. So, if I play games for him it takes up my mental capacity for screen time and I don’t get to play games for myself.
Still, he wants me to play for him because it’s his only way he sort of gets to play and feel like he is involved in the game. I kept refusing though so he started bothering me whenever I was playing video games. He will come in the room and sort of back seat game by telling me what I should do or should have done which is very annoying and also ruins it for me because it’s distracting. Even if he is quiet for like a minute its annoying having someone silently judge everything you do and makes me second guess everything I’m doing. Kind of like in school and a teacher just stops and stands over you and looks at what you’re writing.
So now I’ve started only playing games on my steam deck or switch because then I can play in my bed or right against a wall so my brother can’t look over my shoulder or I can at least move away if he tries to. He gets mad at me when I do this because he said he just wants to watch me play and it’s not fair that I won’t let him when he can’t even play anymore. I told him he should just watch streamers play then, but he says it’s not the same because he doesn’t get to feel involved because they never read his comments.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am refusing to play video games for my brother who physically cannot play anymore because of his disability. I am also blocking him from watching me play video games even though he just wants to watch so he can feel involved in playing video games.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
How often and for what durations were you playing games for him before the ban?
NAH. I think some boundaries are needed here. I’d strongly urge you to play for him occasionally — I don’t think you’ll regret that later. Perhaps make a schedule where you play once a week for an hour. That seems like a reasonable amount of family time even if you’re a little bored. Then the rest of the time you can decline without feeling bad.
NTA.
You’re not enjoying this and it’s not your job. There probably are some streamers out there who’d be willing accomodate to some extent, but he should do his research and maybe try to contact them off-stream to ask ahead of game time rather than only during games.
NTANAH. It must be frustrating to not play games for fun but because you feel obligated to. At the same time, bro wants to enjoy gaming too.If you or your brother are technically savvy, see if there are any accomodations for folks with physical disabilities. I saw that there might be voice programs for PC gaming that you could download. Like you speak and it controls gameplay. For console or handheld, you might need to buy/build a device.
NAH, you shouldn’t be made to feel like you’re just a controller for him.
BUT you should think longer term. I don’t know what condition he has but if it’s degrading quickly then chances are he won’t be around as long as you are, and if that’s the case you’re going to regret not doing things like this with him.
Could you maybe work out particular times for you to play together? The rest of the time you play solo but you have a few hours a week where you play together like he wants?
NTA. Sure, it must be very frustrating for him, but it is not your responsibility to provide free entertainment for others in their preferred form, especially when you don’t enjoy it.
Maybe you could reframe it, and offer to spend time with him in some other way, that you both enjoy?
Hi, I work in game accessibility and I just wanted to point the way to a few charities which help people like your brother find solutions to issues like these, for free! If you’re UK based, Special Effect are wonderful. If you’re in the US or Canada, AbleGamers are it. (Other countries also have organisations like these, but those two are the ones I’ve encountered most often.)
As a disabled player myself, you’re not the asshole in the least. Backseating is irritating as hell. But spending time with your sibling – who currently is cut off from a thing he loves and struggling with that isolation – is important. So maybe an hour or two a week together could work?
If you’d ever like advice on accessible gaming, please let me know and I’ll do my best.
NAH but if I were you I’d look for games you guys can play together. Something like The Witness — you can solve the problems together while you control it. Or JRPGs maybe you guys can split who owns which party character. Try to have a conversation with him about sharing the game together. Your brother is probably hurting a lot and this controlling behavior is just one way this pain is coming out
Given how severe your brothers disorder is, I think it’s worth accommodating him and trying your best to spend time with him. I know it feels annoying now but in life you will look back wishing you could’ve had more grace
Personally I have a lot of related experience to this and can empathize with your plight because my husband and I play a lot of first person games together lol. And yeah it’s inevitable when I get irritated at him for missing opening a crate or picking a skill point I would never pick. But spending time together playing the game is way more important than those minor things and I promise you can get there with your brother if you try
Your parents need to find a voice controller or whatever technology is available for your brother to enjoy his life. Good luck to all of you.
NAH. This is a tough situation all around. Your brother is young and dealing with life-altering nerve problems. It sucks for him, and it is going to be very difficult for him to come to terms with his limitations. That said, you are allowed to not enjoy playing for him, and you are entitled to be able to play your own games without him looking over your shoulder. Depending on his mobility, could a doctor or rehab specialist work with your brother to increase his ability to use some adaptive controllers and keyboards?
NAH. Maybe you two can start a Twitch stream together? You can recruit viewers to take over for you as the player on some kind of rotation. You get relief and your brother gets the engagement he wouldn’t get if it was someone else’s stream.
NAH, I get your frustration but I also get his. That must really suck for him.
NTA, twitch has loads of streamers with 0-5 viewers, I’m sure someone would love a dedicated backseat driver, lol.
NAH. It seems like a lot for you to take on and not fun. I get your brother’s frustration. You’re also on 17. Try to encourage your parents to explore what other options could be. Shouldn’t be on you to have to figure this out on your own.
NTA but, as others have said, it would be awful nice of you to make a deal for a certain amount of time to help him out as his hands if he agrees to only watch outside of those times and let him at least get some game time like that as well.
It doesn’t sound like something you’ll feel too good about in a few years time if you completely shut him out.
NTA Anyway yall can get a caretaker for a few hours a day who can play with him and be his input machine
NAH
Your brother is in a very tough situation where he can’t do the things that he wants to do because of worsening medical conditions. None of this is your fault, but it’s not his fault either. So to him, everything feels unfair, which it is. Hopefully he’s able to find a solution that allows him to interact with computers to play games and such.
His condition shouldn’t become your burden either, the points you’ve made about him wanting to play games taking up your screen time are valid.
In the meantime, perhaps you could find other things you can do to play with him, such as games you’re both interested and could work together to play. If you’re into them, turn-based party games or board games that dont require each user to have their own hand could work. You guys could invite people to play games and everyone around could take turns inputing his commands for him.
Nta but you could show some empathy for your bro, what if you were in that situation, how would it make you feel to be treated like that? Probably not very good
backseating is a big no no. express frustration but dont dump that on him. respect should go both ways and if he cant respect your privacy then you need to have a talk.