I made a throwaway account for this.
Alright, this week has been super hectic and full of stress. I (24F) was not going to make this post in the first place because I thought I was doing the right thing, but my family has basically convinced me that I’m not. I’ll try to keep things short and straightforward. Last week, there was a wedding of one of our family friends (28F). For some information, every major holiday (easter, july 4th, thanksgiving, etc) my family along with other relatives always go to their house. We have been close, and my parents have known their family for more than 30 years. To sum up, this group consists of about 25 people.
Now, my immediate family and relatives were not invited to this wedding. We found out because another member of the group asked my parents how they were going to get there, and then they realized we aren’t invited. I guess those people didn’t know we weren’t invited (not surprised, as they probably assumed we’re going). I’m not going to lie, it did sting. I mean I’ve basically known these people my entire life. It was confusing, since we meet multiple times a year for major events, and all of a sudden we’re not invited to their daughters wedding. My parents are also relatively cool people, don’t cause problems or anything. I can understand the frustration of my family, cousins, and relatives. But at the end of the day, they didn’t invite us and there is nothing we can do about it.
However, my family’s reaction to the situation was different. They basically had the mindset of “it’s ridiculous they didn’t put us on the list, and we’re gonna go.” I did not agree with this, and told them that I will not be attending, as I don’t want to force my self in. Most of my cousins, siblings, and relatives essentially told me that I’m not supporting them and that I should understand how ridiculous this is. I told them that I understand why they’re upset, but all they did was try and convince me as to why I’m wrong.
Long story short, I ended up not going with them last weekend. One of my other cousins also did not want to go, but she was basically forced and felt pressured. According to her, things were very awkward at the wedding with the bride’s family, for obvious reasons. I guess my family and relatives got lucky considering there weren’t fixed tables, and people basically sat anywhere.
Currently, the issue is that there is a sort of “after event” happening next week, and my family is gonna go to that, which they aren’t invited to as well. This past week has been worst than the last, with them telling me I’m not supportive of any of them, and that I should understand. I just can’t wrap my mind around going to something that I’m not invited to. It’s as if everyone’s worst traits came out these past two weeks.
Edit: Format, Grammar
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I made a throwaway account for this.
Alright, this week has been super hectic and full of stress. I (24F) was not going to make this post in the first place because I thought I was doing the right thing, but my family has basically convinced me that I’m not. I’ll try to keep things short and straightforward. Last week, there was a wedding of one of our family friends (28F). For some information, every major holiday (easter, july 4th, thanksgiving, etc) my family along with other relatives always go to their house. We have been close, and my parents have known their family for more than 30 years. To sum up, this group consists of about 25 people.
Now, my immediate family and relatives were not invited to this wedding. We found out because another member of the group asked my parents how they were going to get there, and then they realized we aren’t invited. I guess those people didn’t know we weren’t invited (not surprised, as they probably assumed we’re going). I’m not going to lie, it did sting. I mean I’ve basically known these people my entire life. It was confusing, since we meet multiple times a year for major events, and all of a sudden we’re not invited to their daughters wedding. My parents are also relatively cool people, don’t cause problems or anything. I can understand the frustration of my family, cousins, and relatives. But at the end of the day, they didn’t invite us and there is nothing we can do about it.
However, my family’s reaction to the situation was different. They basically had the mindset of “it’s ridiculous they didn’t put us on the list, and we’re gonna go.” I did not agree with this, and told them that I will not be attending, as I don’t want to force my self in. Most of my cousins, siblings, and relatives essentially told me that I’m not supporting them and that I should understand how ridiculous this is. I told them that I understand why they’re upset, but all they did was try and gaslight me into why I’m wrong.
Long story short, I ended up not going with them last weekend. One of my other cousins also did not want to go, but she was basically gaslit and felt forced. According to her, things were very awkward at the wedding with the bride’s family, for obvious reasons. I guess my family and relatives got lucky considering there weren’t fixed tables, and people basically sat anywhere.
Currently, the issue is that there is a sort of “after event” happening next week, and my family is gonna go to that, which they aren’t invited to as well. This past week has been worst than the last, with them gaslighting me, telling me I’m not supportive of any of them, and that I should understand. I just can’t wrap my mind around going to something that I’m not invited to. It’s as if everyone’s worst traits came out these past two weeks.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I decided not to attend a wedding with my family and other relatives, because we weren’t invited. (2) They have basically told me about how I’m unsupportive of them and should understand their reasoning. I understand their frustration, and they have basically convinced me that I should have gone with them to “support”. Now I feel that maybe I was in the wrong and not being “loyal”.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your family sucks. There could have been a host of reasons they weren’t invited, including the daughter not considering them to be close to her just because you are all close to her parents. Showing up made your family look tacky af, and the fact they are planning to do it again is unbelievable. Don’t give in to them. The other family probably thinks that you are the only classy one of the bunch.
NTA, you respected the host’s wishes
They want you to support them by joining them in doing something that you feel is wrong. They should be supporting you in resisting that kind of thing. NTA.
NTA. It is rude as heck to show up to a wedding when you were not invited.
You did the right thing. The rest of the family, on the other hand, was incredibly disrespectful to the bride and groom by crashing their wedding. I wouldn’t be surprised if that ends their relationship with the bride and her family for good.
Sometimes you’re going to be the most mature person in the room. This is one of those times.
You were absolutely right not to show up uninvited. Your family, sadly, is being incredibly crass on this one.
NTA.
You’re not the AH. If you weren’t invited, it’s basic respect not to show up, and you avoided making things awkward. Your family’s feelings are valid, but crashing a wedding isn’t the right way to handle it.
It’s weird to go to events when you’re not invited. NTA
NTA at all. Your family sounds very entitled. You’re doing the right thing. It may not even be personal, just financial. Who knows, but whatever the reason, they shouldn’t be showing up uninvited.
I really wish people would learn how to use gaslight properly.
Omg NTA. Your family is the biggest AH of the bunch. A giant, collective, stinky AH. I’m so sorry you are having their stench forced upon you during this. They are 100000% in the wrong.
Is there someone you can reach out directly to that can confirm the situation? A wedding isn’t exactly an open house family party, typically… I would think saving the whole family embarrassment and the Bride & Groom extra stress on THEIR special day would be more important than showing up to a place you aren’t invited? There has to be some missing info here.
NTA. NEVER ATTEND an event that you are NOT invited to. Last minute invites also. It is extremely TACKY!
NTA. Call your one sane cousin and plan something fun.
INFO: What happened when they showed up to the wedding uninvited?
It’s totally normal to feel hurt about not being invited, but attending uninvited just adds drama and awkwardness NTA
Wow. I was going to suggest that perhaps the invitation was lost in the mail but that doesn’t sound like the case. NTA but your family is (sorry). It is very bad manners to crash a party.
NTA. I can’t even imagine how awkward and embarrassing this probably was. Is there anyone in that family that you feel comfortable reaching out to? I’m not exactly sure what it would accomplish but it may give you peace of mind (and their family a head’s up that your family is again planning on attending without an invite).
NTA. Your family needs a manners check. My guess is you won’t be spending time with your long time friends in the future. They had their reasons for not inviting your family. Maybe budget? Maybe someone in your family is embarrassing?
NTA. When you are not invited to an important event, as a group no less, you do not attend. This was obviously not an oversight.
However, please look up the definition of “gaslit.”
NTA
but the rest of your family is….
NTA at all, but none of what you’ve described is actual gaslighting in any of the instances you used the term.
NTA, the rest of your family is. I would not be surprised, if in the future, that family cut ties with your family, except for you. In this case, you are the adult in the room.
There could be legitimate reasons that your family wasn’t invited – some brides have a budget, for instance. NTA
NTA – WOW, so if your family is rude enough to gate crash a wedding, it kinda signals they’re obnoxious in other ways and that could be why they weren’t invited? AND planning on gate-crashing another event?! Dunno know, but their tactics of trying to gaslight you into thinking this behaviour is ok is kinda hinting they’re rude and narcissistic
It this is how your family react to not being invited to something, and to your feelings about crashing a wedding, you’ve gotta know now that they’re not “relatively cool people” who don’t cause problems. You know this, because they’re being jerks and causing problems RIGHT NOW.
NTA. Sorry you’re dealing with this.
NTA but they didn’t gaslight you. They pressured you.
You were right not to attend. None of you were invited. Whether this was an oversight or deliberate is unknown and irrelevant. Would not be surprised if the newlyweds got security for the upcoming event and gave your family ejected.
What?!?!? They actually showed up at a wedding not being invited?! How many people in your family crashed this wedding?
NTA. Update me.
The bride and her family probably had a good reason to not invite your parents. Your parents should not have shown up uninvited.
Updateme
NTA- your family is unhinged
NTA
If you aren’t invited to a wedding, then there is no point in going to it, even if you are supposedly close to this other family. You’re in the right to not join your family in inserting themselves into events they were not told to join. It sounds like something else has happened recently that maybe other people in your family haven’t realized yet.
NTA. The money, time and effort required to plan a wedding , you don’t go if not invited. It’s not right. They ate food that was not planned for them, the meals either had to be smaller or they cost their friends money they don’t have. Now they plan to make an even more awkward situation, everyone that shows up uninvited are assholes
NTA. I’m wondering if your family has been forcing itself on these people for years and they have finally had enough. It sounds like your family feels entitled to his other family’s hospitality at every major event and won’t take no for an answer. I’m struggling with the sheer audacity of people just turning up at a wedding because they thought they should have been invited. People don’t just decide to do that sort of thing on the spur of the moment – it’s part of a pattern of ongoing behaviour, entitlement and running roughshod over other people’s feelings and hospitality. Perhaps the other family just hasn’t had the guts to say anything before now. You are most definitely NTA – you simply don’t go to a wedding that you haven’t been invited to.
So, have YOU ever had THEM come to your house on major holidays or is it just your family that goes to them? If so, there’s a pattern emerging. Are you ever invited to these holidays?
NTA: who goes to an event like a wedding they were not invited to??? What? Did the whole family show up like Vikings style and try and ram themselves into the event?? Strange. Happy to see you have some couth. I’d just continue to stay away from the entire situation.
This should go without saying but NTA. While it may sting, weddings have budgets and there are usually reasons why guest lists have to get cut off at a certain point. It’s OK to feel hurt or slighted, but it’s absolutely not OK to just show up uninvited.
Well, since a wedding is the blending of two families, I imagine that your family wasn’t invited because of something related to that. It wasn’t just your personal family friends. It’s incredibly gauche to show up at an invitation only event that is generally catered per person. If you have ever held a wedding before, you know that each person can add $25- to over $100, and adding unexpected guests often means that some people do without or are unseated, since your family seems to have been fine, that means someone else who actually was invited , probably a relative. This is trashy as hell