My best friend Sophie planned a small birthday dinner last weekend at her favorite restaurant. She invited 8 of us and made a big deal about everyone RSVPing early so she could book the table.
An hour before the dinner, Sophie texted me saying she was too drained to go and asked if I could host the group at my apartment instead without telling anyone she canceled. Her idea was for me to just say she “was running late” and create an avenue for a girls’ night at my place so people wouldn’t be upset with her which made absolutely made no sense to me.
I out rightly told her no. If she didn’t want to go, fine, but I wasn’t going to lie and have people sitting around waiting for her. She got mad and said I was being unsupportive and making her look bad.
I went to the restaurant anyway, told everyone Sophie wasn’t coming, and we still had dinner together. A couple of people were annoyed, but mostly they were just confused.
Now Sophie is ignoring my calls and telling our mutual friends that I humiliated her on her birthday.
AITA for refusing to cover for her and just telling people the truth? Please I need everyone’s genuine opinion.
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My best friend Sophie planned a small birthday dinner last weekend at her favorite restaurant. She invited 8 of us and made a big deal about everyone RSVPing early so she could book the table.
An hour before the dinner, Sophie texted me saying she was too drained to go and asked if I could host the group at my apartment instead without telling anyone she canceled. Her idea was for me to just say she “was running late” and create an avenue for a girls’ night at my place so people wouldn’t be upset with her which made absolutely made no sense to me.
I out rightly told her no. If she didn’t want to go, fine, but I wasn’t going to lie and have people sitting around waiting for her. She got mad and said I was being unsupportive and making her look bad.
I went to the restaurant anyway, told everyone Sophie wasn’t coming, and we still had dinner together. A couple of people were annoyed, but mostly they were just confused.
Now Sophie is ignoring my calls and telling our mutual friends that I humiliated her on her birthday.
AITA for refusing to cover for her and just telling people the truth? Please I need everyone’s genuine opinion.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told our friends the truth that Sophie wasn’t coming to her own birthday dinner instead of lying like she asked me to. I think I might be the asshole because it embarrassed her in front of everyone and made her look bad on her birthday.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, but Sophie is!
NTA. Her problem, not yours. She is the AH. The only one who humiliated her is herself.
NTA
If she didn’t want to go out for her birthday, she needed to tell everyone herself. If I go out with friends, we communicate especially if something comes up and someone can’t go. And expecting you to host people without her even showing up??? How long how you guys been friends and has this happened before? A decent friend wouldn’t do this to you. Either communicate with her that this was I’m gonna go with rude of her to ask you to do this or see if she’ll come to her senses later. I don’t want to say let her go as a friend cause that seems a little harsh but if push comes to shove harder than it has, maybe it’s something to think about.
NTA. She is. For sure.
She humiliated herself. NTA.
NTA If your friend invited everyone to her birthday dinner and decided she no longer wanted to attend, it was her responsibility cancel it. All she had to do was text the people she invited instead of trying to get you to orchestrate some lame ruse she cooked up at the last minute that everyone would see thru to save face.
NTA. Do you really think this person is your best friend if this is how she behaves and treats you?
So nta for not lying for her, but yta for saying she wasn’t coming without explaining why. You made her look bad. If you were going to explain anyway, you could have just given the whole explanation instead of a partial, inconsiderate-sounding one. It would have been quick. Being drained is a legit reason to not show up. However, she should have told everyone herself. Esh.
NTA. She dipped out on her birthday dinner, it’s the guest of honor not attending the event. You had your evening set for dinner out at a restaurant, it’d be obvious if you were scrambling to get a girl’s night together and you probably hadn’t set things up for one.
Why couldn’t she tell the others she was dropping out since she organised the gathering? You were simply invited, you weren’t part of the planning.
This is so weird to me because I once couldn’t make it to my own birthday party because I was too sick.
I just texted everyone like “I’m super puking, but you guys have fun!” and they all enjoyed themselves without me.
The thought of cancelling the bookings, asking someone to move the party to their house, then pretend I was “running late” the whole night is just… really bizarre.
NTA. Sorry, but “being drained” is not a valid reason to not show up to an event you scheduled yourself. Sophie is an asshole for not getting off her butt and showing up. She is a double asshole for asking you to lie, pretend she was going to show, and then tell them she couldn’t make it at the last minute. The only person at fault here is Sophie.
NTA. She has main character syndrome. You did the right thing.
Crazy power move making people rsvp and then pulling that. Sometimes you have to push through if you have plans, or put on your big-girl-pants and cancel yourself.
NTA Sophie looks bad because she behaved very badly. You are not obligated to cover for her. Presumably she’s an adult, she can call everyone and cancel herself if she chooses to blow off everyone she demanded come for her birthday. You deserve a better friend. She needs to grow up.
NTA. The birthday girl is an inconsiderate AH to the restaurant owner.
Who are these people?
NTA.
I hope you’re no longer friends with Sophie.
You didn’t make Sophie look bad, she did that on her own.
Is Sophie an adult? She certainly doesn’t act like one. NTA
I want to know what she’s actually saying to people that constitutes you ‘humiliating her’ – ‘I made up some weird elaborate plan and wanted to cancel an hour before and I’m so upset that my friend didn’t go along with it I’m so humiliated..’ I’m sorry honey you did that to yourself.
NTA. She sounds entitled. She had eight people show up because they like her. That is a lot of people in most circles. I bet they don’t all show up the next time.
She’s already ignoring you and told everyone it’s YOUR FAULT for humiliating her when she didn’t have the maturity to tell everyone else she wasn’t going to her own birthday party that she made a huge deal over. That’s ridiculous behavior when everyone is expected to be an adult. 🙄 Your friend didn’t respect anyone else’s time and is refusing to take accountability. Gross behavior, no thanks.
But hey, you do you. I had a best friend exactly like this and she pulled this shit with me. I didn’t give her a second opportunity and I don’t sleep at night mulling over that decision. She still clings to this and the only reason I know is because she tried to harass me before I deactivated my Facebook account.
NTA. Lying to your friends is never a good idea. And you told this individual that you weren’t going to cover for her, so she had the chance to correct herself, but didn’t.
Sounds like someone I wouldn’t want to be friends with anymore
Someone who holds you responsible for her irresponsibility is not a friend. She looked bad because she was bad.