Husband and I were visiting my inlaws. We were getting ready to leave, and I noticed my MIL had a bunch of old coffee cups on the table. She’s had these cups for years. She said that I should take them home, because I “didn’t have enough cups for everyone”, referring to the time I had the whole family over for the weekend. I said no thanks, and she kept insisting. Eventually I said I don’t want old cups, and she stopped. I felt bad saying it, but did it to get my point across. A lot of our things are hand me downs, and have slowly been getting nicer things as the old ones break. I don’t want to be stuck with these cups that I don’t like.
She’s done stuff like this before. She’s come over to visit us and left us a whole lot of snacks. We’re big on snacks and we appreciated the gesture, until we realised everything she brought was long expired. I recognised some of the stuff she brought from their own pantry, I think she took the visit as an opportunity to clear out her pantry of stuff they don’t want.
For my birthday one year, she gave me a cookbook that’s been sitting on her shelf for ages. I don’t even like cooking. I feel like she doesn’t think about what I want or like..
AITA for refusing the “gift”? I just didn’t want to feel like an after thought anymore. I haven’t really talked to her since the cups, it was a couple of weeks ago.
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Husband and I were visiting my inlaws. We were getting ready to leave, and I noticed my MIL had a bunch of old coffee cups on the table. She’s had these cups for years. She said that I should take them home, because I “didn’t have enough cups for everyone”, referring to the time I had the whole family over for the weekend. I said no thanks, and she kept insisting. Eventually I said I don’t want old cups, and she stopped. I felt bad saying it, but did it to get my point across. A lot of our things are hand me downs, and have slowly been getting nicer things as the old ones break. I don’t want to be stuck with these cups that I don’t like.
She’s done stuff like this before. She’s come over to visit us and left us a whole lot of snacks. We’re big on snacks and we appreciated the gesture, until we realised everything she brought was long expired. I recognised some of the stuff she brought from their own pantry, I think she took the visit as an opportunity to clear out her pantry of stuff they don’t want.
For my birthday one year, she gave me a cookbook that’s been sitting on her shelf for ages. I don’t even like cooking. I feel like she doesn’t think about what I want or like..
AITA for refusing the “gift”? I just didn’t want to feel like an after thought anymore. I haven’t really talked to her since the cups, it was a couple of weeks ago.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I refused the gift my MIL tried to give me, saying I don’t want her old things.
2) It might make me the TA because my MIL thought she was helping me by giving me what she had.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You arent forced to accept gifts. I personally would have accepted and then banished the cups to the lands of neverseen just so I don’t have to deal with the mom. Expired snacks however I would have thrown out asap. The book I would have declined by saying you don’t like cooking so its just going to waste away.
NTA Your mother in law can drop them off at Goodwill, the Salvation Army or the like if she no longer wants or needs the cups. I will never understand why people think it’s okay to try and force the junk they no longer want on other people. I guess they can’t bare the thought of donating them or throwing them out. When I bought my first house, oof, the stuff people passed off on me. If they only know it directly from their home, to the trunk of my car and promptly was dropped off at Goodwill.
He’s your husband. That’s his mom. I probably wouldn’t be rude to her over something that small since I have to live with that family forever. If you felt bad saying it, it was probably rude. So you were probably an a-hole.
Very soft YTA cuz you know you were rude and it would have been pretty easy not to be.
I most likely wouldn’t have taken the cups, but I probably could have found a different way to leave them behind. I probably would have been grateful for the expired snacks, since I know that most of them were likely still just fine if they weren’t opened, and I would have just tossed the remainder. I probably would have put the cook book on a shelf somewhere, or possibly tossed it as well.
I get that you feel like an afterthought, but you know what? You’re probably wrong. An afterthought wouldn’t get any of her expired snacks or her old cookbook. An afterthought wouldn’t have a bunch of old coffee cups set aside specifically for them.
NTA
NTA. None of these things are gifts in any way. She’s literally trying to get rid of stuff in the house and is passing it onto you instead of donating it to charity. The proper way to do this would be for her to ask you if you wanted these things, not try to force them onto you. It’s okay to feel bad about it, but don’t let those feelings let you cave in on saying no. Plus, you tried to say it very nicely the first time and she wouldn’t accept your answer. You just had to be firm and I am very proud of ya for standing your ground.
YTA, you take gifts, say thank you, smile, and then only put them out when she is there. donate one or two every spring cleaning until they are gone. toss the dead snacks without telling her, not hard to have manners.
NTA
I don’t know why the older generation is so insistent on passing their junk off as “gifts” instead of just donating or throwing it away. It’s a common thing, but it’s lazy and rude.
NTA, she should ask you if you’d want them, not try to offload them
NAH necessarily. It sounds like she just saw an opportunity to get items she hasn’t used out of her house and into the house of people who might use them.
Isn’t it nice knowing that your MIL sees you as a garbage disposal?
Shoving her shit at you is the easiest way to get rid of crap she can’t force herself to throw away.
NTA, and good for you for speaking up. She’s using you to declutter and not making an effort to get a thoughtful gift you would like.
She really must think you and your family are hard up. Tell your husband to say something. don’t want out of date snacks and cups that you don’t likes. I agree it’s rude not to accept a gift and just say thank you but not this instance. She just wants to get rid of rubbish.
NTA