I (23 F) love my boyfriend (24m), but i feel we have no common interests, we don’t really have a sex life, we don’t bond over things, we just kind of co exist. I want to go out and go bowling and go to the car every friday night and have a drink, while he wants to play video games and sit alone. WHICH IS FAIR… we’ve been together off and on for 3 years, and have lived with him for about 6 months. I’m not too sure what to do. Im unhappy with the our relationship. he doesn’t open up to me. he doesn’t speak to me really. he’s always on the game or at work. i feel like i take care of everything else. I want to stay with him, because everytime i end it i deeply regret it, because i feel like he’s my soul mate or whatever, but he’s very emotionally unavailable and then gets extremely distant , and whenever i bring it up, he always gets defensive like i’m an A hole for asking him what’s wrong, and if i need to work on myself to be better for him… i’ll never know how to be better because he DOESNT TELL ME…
With this being said, i reached a breaking point, and walked out to my car tonight after being shut down. i know it seems like im “lacking info” but i seriously don’t know what im doing wrong because he WONT tell me. I feel like i always leave him after about a month of dead silence and lack of communication and vulnerability. i just need to know what I’m doing wrong? Also we live in a very dangerous area, and not that i expected him to chase me, nor did I want him too, but the fact that he rolled over and went to bed? like that kind bothers me… I know i asked for space or whatever but letting me go outside without my taser? idk it just rubbed me the wrong way… Anyways, what would yall do in this situation because i genuinely have no idea what im doing wrong. I think i bring it up to him every other week that it bothers me…. i need some advice
(Im writing this from the couch bc he asked me to sleep on the couch)
Comments
Leave the place better Run!!
Why do you need to be doing something wrong? Some people just aren’t up for the emotional responsibility of a relationship.
Not to minimize your feelings, but he’s shown you who he is and it seems it doesn’t work for you.
I’ve been in relationships like this. I’ve been hooked on the ‘potential’ of the relationship instead of the reality. I wasn’t willing to face the fact that I was miserable begging for a tiny bit of attention and affection. I wanted it to work so so so bad. But it never did because he didn’t put in any effort at all. Once I left for good, what I felt was relief. A little bit of sadness but I was shocked with how much easier my life became. I wasn’t trying to run uphill constantly.
If any of this seems familiar, do yourself a favor and leave.
A situationship, is NOT a relationship.
Just because it’s easy, doesn’t mean it’s good for you.
>he asked me to sleep on the couch
How exactly is this confusing? You deserve better, end of story.
how is he your soul mate if he wont even open his soul up to you? this is far deeper than common interests, you two dont have a real bond.
In my opinion, you’re not the problem here, so stop twisting yourself into knots trying to figure out how to “be better for him.” I’ve been counseling men and women for over 32 years, and I’ve seen this same dynamic a thousand times. You’re with a man boy who is emotionally unavailable, defensive, and lazy in the relationship. You’re doing all the emotional work, and he’s sitting there with a controller in his hand. That’s not partnership. That’s you being his roommate, maid, and occasional emotional punching bag.
The whole “he’s my soulmate” line? No. Soulmates don’t tell you to sleep on the couch and roll over in bed while you’re upset, outside, and unprotected in a dangerous neighborhood. That’s not love, that’s neglect. And the off-and-on pattern you’ve been running for three years? That’s not romantic fate, it’s a cycle and the only way cycles end is if one person has the guts to break it. He’s not going to wake up one morning and decide to be open, vulnerable, and communicative just because you want it badly enough. This is who he is. You can either drag him to couples counseling with someone who specializes in emotionally avoidant men and hold him accountable, or you can accept that this is the rest of your relationship filled with loneliness, frustration, and zero reciprocity.
So here’s the hard truth: between now and dead, this is all you’re getting from him. You either choose it with eyes wide open, or you choose something better. But stop pretending that a man who can’t get out of bed when you walk out into the night is your forever.
If he were your soulmate, you would not have these issues with communication, you wouldn’t have doubts in the relationship, you would spend time together, have things in common and you would expect him to care about your safety. You feel bad when you leave him because breakups suck and change is hard, but if you push through the first few months, you’ll realise that leaving him was the right choice all along.
So more lame ngxas
He’s just gaslighting you dummy. Being manipulative to achieve/control aspect of the relationship
Is this the man who is gonna visit you in hospital every day when your hip goes and bring you your favorite pillow from home and buy you a new dressing gown in your favorite colour to cheer you up?
Nope.
It’s never gonna be hot sex and intense love beyond a couple of years but please, at least someone who will put down the gaming control and talk to you. You’re worth that at the very, very least, right?