So my girlfriend and dad used to be quite close before my GF told him I was moving out. Strong words were exchanged, my GF strongly dislikes my dad due to that evening, some of her own personal reasons with him, and with how my dad can be towards me. My dad and I got into an argument yesterday where he felt I wasnt seeing him enough, shutting him out etc, and truth be told in a way I was because sometime he is just insufferable to be around, constantly talking about the same thing. now he has also called my GF controlling in the past, which has understandably upset her, especially when she genuinely hasnt doing anything controlling. Now I called my dad out on this and he said that was in the past, I dont see him as controlling anymore, and I relayed this back to my GF. Now dad wants to come over for dinner with the three of us so we can all reconcile and enjoy a nice evening together. I brought this up with GF, who has immediately shot it down and said “you can have your dad over but I wont be there for it”. it frustrates me because it would be SO MUCH easier if the two of them actually talked to each other rather than me relaying back and forth, so they can at least be on good terms. i dont demand them to be the bestest of friends, but it hurts seeing two people i love the most just refusing to get along, or at least my GF refuses to get along with my dad. Am I expecting too much asking for a just a couple hours of my GFs time to try and amend the relationship my GF and dad once had, and if yes what else do i do? because it hurts seeing my gf go from being very close to my dad to flat out refusing to see him.
My GF refuses to see my dad, and i don’t know what to do.
r/Advice
Comments
In my opinion, you’re not expecting too much, but I think that it’s important to remember that you have no control over your girlfriend’s thoughts, feelings, or behavior.
The only thing that you do have control over is what you yourself choose to say or do.
In my personal experience over many decades, I have found that the more you pressure someone to do something like what you describe above, the more resistance you’re going to encounter.
I also have found that if you allow people space and the freedom to feel what they feel – in this case, your girlfriend — then in due course, those intense feelings tend to dissipate, and once they dissipate, it’s usually easier to have a calm, respectful, and rational discussion about whatever the issue is that is dividing you at the moment.
My guess is that it will not take long for your girlfriend and your dad to get together, but you have to let it happen naturally and not try to force it.
I hope that makes sense. Regards.
You can’t force peace between two people who’ve decided the bridge isn’t worth crossing. Focus on managing each relationship separately, or you’ll end up resented by both for trying to drag them to the same table.
Why was it your girlfriend telling him that you were moving out and not you?
Well for starters you can force her to do something she doesn’t want to. But it sounds like she’s hurt if she was close with your dad and having a fall through she may just need time. Not only that but she sounds like she was also protecting you in her own way. Maybe instead of forcing them to have a sit down with her and have her explain her feeling about the entire situation so you can better understand where she is at with all this
Tough spot. If your GF’s still upset, pushing a dinner won’t help. Give her space, build trust first. Don’t force them to meet. You can’t fix this alone.
Tell her to go fuck herself and break up.
If you do try for a reconciliation then probably best to pick a neutral ground.
You don’t want to get into the position of acting as a go between or referee.