Fake names
I (19F) and my boyfriend (19M) were calling and talking to each other on the phone late at night 2 days go. The topic of my boyfriend’s good friend “Ross” (18M) had came up and I asked how he was. He told me he is doing well and that he has something to tell me, but before he gets into it he makes me promise that I will not tell anyone because it could possibly turn on him and get him in trouble. At the time, I didn’t think it would be anything serious, so I promised him I would not say anything.
For context, my sister “Sam” (18F) has a friend “Jessica” (18F) who is talking to “Ross” and is having physical relations with him. They are solely friends with benefits and nothing more.
“Ross” has a very crazy past with women. He had cheated multiple times on his past girlfriend, often has sex with random girls he meets online (raw) and has had an STD scare. My sister and her friend did not know this initially, because my boyfriend did not want me to tell them and obviously Ross was not going to tell them either.
So, my boyfriend proceeds to tell me that Ross had told him that He(Ross), Jessica and Sam were all in his car talking at night. Things between Ross and Jessica had started off small with them kissing, and then making out. Then it escalated to where Jessica was giving Ross head while my sister just watched, then somehow they coerced her into joining and it was the 2 of them going down on him (extremely disgusting, I am sorry but it is important). Then apparently, my sister had told him “not to tell my boyfriend because he would tell me and then I would tell my mom”.
I was extremely upset and confused. I was concerned for her because of Ross’ track record and was up the entire night worrying she could have some STI from doing something like that with him and also weirdly enough a couple days ago she had said she never met him. But because I did not want to break the promise I had with my boyfriend, I said nothing to her.
The past 2 days I’ve been trying to get her to tell me herself by asking if she has anything she wants to open up about, or asking if she’s met Ross before but to both of those she said no.
Today, I caved. I straight up told her what my boyfriend had told me and explained why I was so worried for her. She was very taken aback. She had told me she never did any of that, and has let alone never met him. She had called her friend and she vouched for her saying that never happened. They promised that they would not tell anyone because I feared my boyfriend would get in trouble if Ross found out.
It turns out that he lied about it (for a reason i’ll never know). I feel at ease that my sister is safe from anything but I also feel terrible for breaking the promise and telling her.
Am I the asshole for telling my sister even though this could have been serious had it been true? Should I tell my boyfriend I told her or just keep it to myself? I can clear anything up, please ask if you have a question.
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Fake names
I (19F) and my boyfriend (19M) were calling and talking to each other on the phone late at night 2 days go. The topic of my boyfriend’s good friend “Ross” (18M) had came up and I asked how he was. He told me he is doing well and that he has something to tell me, but before he gets into it he makes me promise that I will not tell anyone because it could possibly turn on him and get him in trouble. At the time, I didn’t think it would be anything serious, so I promised him I would not say anything.
For context, my sister “Sam” (18F) has a friend “Jessica” (18F) who is talking to “Ross” and is having physical relations with him. They are solely friends with benefits and nothing more.
“Ross” has a very crazy past with women. He had cheated multiple times on his past girlfriend, often has sex with random girls he meets online (raw) and has had an STD scare. My sister and her friend did not know this initially, because my boyfriend did not want me to tell them and obviously Ross was not going to tell them either.
So, my boyfriend proceeds to tell me that Ross had told him that He(Ross), Jessica and Sam were all in his car talking at night. Things between Ross and Jessica had started off small with them kissing, and then making out. Then it escalated to where Jessica was giving Ross head while my sister just watched, then somehow they coerced her into joining and it was the 2 of them going down on him (extremely disgusting, I am sorry but it is important). Then apparently, my sister had told him “not to tell my boyfriend because he would tell me and then I would tell my mom”.
I was extremely upset and confused. I was concerned for her because of Ross’ track record and was up the entire night worrying she could have some STI from doing something like that with him and also weirdly enough a couple days ago she had said she never met him. But because I did not want to break the promise I had with my boyfriend, I said nothing to her.
The past 2 days I’ve been trying to get her to tell me herself by asking if she has anything she wants to open up about, or asking if she’s met Ross before but to both of those she said no.
Today, I caved. I straight up told her what my boyfriend had told me and explained why I was so worried for her. She was very taken aback. She had told me she never did any of that, and has let alone never met him. She had called her friend and she vouched for her saying that never happened. They promised that they would not tell anyone because I feared my boyfriend would get in trouble if Ross found out.
It turns out that he lied about it (for a reason i’ll never know). I feel at ease that my sister is safe from anything but I also feel terrible for breaking the promise and telling her.
Am I the asshole for telling my sister even though this could have been serious had it been true? Should I tell my boyfriend I told her or just keep it to myself? I can clear anything up, please ask if you have a question.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I at fault for telling my sister a secret that my boyfriend wanted kept, even though she could have gotten an STD?
This could make me the asshole because my boyfriend had trusted me with this information, but despite that I still told her
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Blood before boyfriends. And the fact that your boyfriend didn’t want you to tell (warn) your sister when he told you this make-believe story is concerning to me. If he prioritized you over Ross, he would also prioritize your sister over him. He doesn’t seem to, so I don’t think he’s that committed to you. Just my opinion.
NTA
NTA
Here’s the deal. You need to tell your bf that you told your sister. Then your bf needs to cut ties with Ross. As soon as he does that, ALL OF YOU need to tell anyone and everyone that will listen about Ross. He is literally going around telling people that he’s damn near having threesomes with women he’s never even met!!
Who gives a shit if he gets mad…. You and your bf shouldn’t care what he thinks, says, or does. Don’t associate with people like him!!
ESH. (except your sister)
Ross should not have lied and should not put himself or others at risk through irresponsible sexual practices.
Jessica should choose her benefits partners more carefully.
Your boyfriend should not have told you something his friend asked him not to share without warning him and should not have extracted a promise from you not to tell anyone. A simple “I can’t keep this from my girlfriend and I am not going to make her promise not to talk to her sister about it” would be enough, and in this situation is exactly what he should have told the friend before telling you.
You should not have shared something your boyfriend told you in confidence. If you absolutely feel the need to share something your boyfriend made you swear not to share, then (just like I said he should do with his friend) TELL him so before you share it. “I know you don’t want me to tell anyone, but she is my sister. I have to talk to her about this. I can leave you out of it if you want, but I will be talking to her about it.”
In addition, your sister’s sex life is none of your business, no matter how worried you are for her. Asking her if she has anything she wants to talk about is fine. If you’re truly worried about STIs, then ask her to go to the clinic WITH you so both of you can be tested. Letting her know you are available for her to talk to is great. But you need to understand that she is under no obligation to share her sex life with you, and you would absolutely be 100% wrong if you shared such info with your parents.
Honestly you all sound exhaustingly immature. Taking a break from relationships to work on yourselves would probably benefit every person in this story.
Yes yes you are.
At first I was gonna say ye your the asshole for breaking a promise but after learning that it was all a lie anyway no he is the asshole for lying
You’re the Asshole
Unfortunately whatever ross did. Even if it was a lie. You told stuff to others that was told to you in confidence.
> It turns out that he lied about it
So, your bf either makes up or spreads sexually based lies about women in his social group and you’re asking if you’re ta for telling your sister to get tested cuz the guy she was allegedly having group sex with doesn’t believe in condoms?
Real winners you’re associating with, here. High class individuals.
I feel like I dont even wanna validate this post with a vote.
NTA bc it is related to health and safety reasons.
NTA
Ross and your BF are assholes.
If Ross is like you describe, the fact that your bf is still friends with him speaks volumes. Why is he a friend with a cheater?
Secondly why did he tell you a lie where someone’s health could be at stake?
He’s a dick.
You’re both 19 so being immature is expected here, but you aren’t in the wrong.
NTA. Ross AND your BF are still immature and juvenile by spreading these lies but it’s not a surprise given their still maturing ages.
Why are you with this BF again?
NTA. Health over secrecy.
Nta Please ignore people saying you’re an AH for breaking your promise you did it out of fear for your sister’s safety. Ross sounds like a misogynistic and realistically your boyfriend probably promised his friend he wouldn’t tell you so if gets mad or some shit he’s a hypocrite. I’m also guessing that your sister’s younger than you so if my friend is making up disturbing lies like that about my girlfriend’s younger sister I don’t think I would talk or hang out with him.
ESH.
You for breaking confidence, Ross and your bf for being disgusting.
Except your sister and her friend. Who are victims of a disgusting lie from disgusting men.
NTA
You were concerned for your sisters health! That tops keeping such a silly secret.
But girl, now that you know the truth you should care about why your boyfriend told you a lie! Did he test your secret keeping skills? Or did Ross lie to your boyfriend?
Anyways one of them (or both) are going around and talking bs about your sister and her friend. Do you really want to be connected to such people?
YTA for not dumping your bf…
NTA. If the lie had been true, your sister was in danger, and that’s more important than confidence. Even if your boyfriend believed it when he told you, it wasn’t fair to expect you to keep quiet about something that endangered your sister, and it certainly wasn’t fair to ask you to agree to keep it secret before you knew how serious it was.
Ross deserves to be cut out of your life, and that goes as far as asking your boyfriend to do the same. This isn’t you not getting on with your boyfriend’s friend – he invented and bragged about sex with your sister. That’s a big deal. You need to have a serious talk with your boyfriend about what role Ross has in your lives from now on, because that’s not something he should tolerate a friend doing to someone he loves. You also need to address what about, and from whom, he can fairly expect you to keep secrets.
If you hear the words “personality clash”, run.
Let me get this straight…. you feel bad about telling your sister A LIE about your sister that your bf told you in confidence?!
Girl break up with your boyfriend. If he lied about this theres no telling what else he has lied about.
Oh yeah and YTA, but not for telling your sister, but for seemingly still being with your bf after this.
Hell noo you’re NTA. Why would your boyfriend be “in trouble” with Ross? The guy seems like a creep, not sure why your boyfriend would want to be friends with someone like that. He should be mad as Ross for lying to him, not you for breaking a stupid promise that could have jeopardized your little sister’s health. Very odd.
Your BF and his friend sound like real winners 😳 Unless… Your sister and her friend are lying about not doing it? Guess you’ll never know!
19 is too old for this immature shit.
NTA you are protecting your sister. This was the only appropriate avenue to take. Tell your boyfriend and find out who’s lying (Ross or if bf made this up)
These “harmless jokes” as some kids would call this have literally ruined people’s life even when they’re lies because it turns into he said-she said. Even if the liar comes out with the truth the lie tends to spread farther than the truth
You’re NTA for speaking with your sister, but your bf needs to go. We are the company we keep and if your bf’s friend is happy to lie about women and disrespect them and your bf doesnt call him out for it then he unfortunately sucks too
Nta,
But i think everyone here seems to be jumping to conclusions about who is lying, and who may be in on this. I think you need to dig a bit deeper.
Its sounds like Ross may be lying about a lot of his escapades and his friends may be eating it up, but I wouldnt jump.to that without a lot more info. Its also not totally impossible sis is lying and her friend is covering for her being more wild fhen she wants to be known. It seems a lot less likely, but id consider it for a few moments. Also possible bf likes making up crazy stories but not sure what he gets out of something like this
ESH. Who cares what someone who told THAT kind of a lie thinks, and WHY would your bf want to remain ‘friends’ with that kind of person?? Bottom line is that bf never should’ve passed on the gossip, and never should’ve expected you to ‘not’ say anything when it was that bad and about your own sister! There are some ‘secrets’ that you just don’t keep! This is one of them – and you should’ve had the backbone to tell your bf right away that this was wrong and not a ‘promise’ that you would be keeping. Saving your bf and Ross possible embarrassment is NOT a reasonable exchange for the health/safety/well being of your sister. You are not an AH for telling your sister (that was the right thing to do), but you are a small AH for not setting your bf straight – you’re letting him believe this about your sister, and keeping important information about Ross’s character from your bf. ALSO: do you really think that your sister isn’t going to tell her friend about this? Who is then going to confront Ross?? So yes, it’s all going to air out anyway.
ESH (including most of the commenters). We don’t know who is lying and it is just as possible that the sister is lying to avoid people knowing she sexed it up with a purported dirtbag than anything.
What is wild to me is how people are on board with the “fact” he lied about this threesome incident but take it on faith that all the other “crazy past with women” stories. OPs data is 3rd person at best, and looking like rumour mill nonsense most likely, yet here is Reddit chomping at the bit to take the bait. le sigh
I mean…. There’s also the possibility that it wasn’t a lie at all and your sister her friend and everyone else are lying out of fear or whatever the hell other reason
NTA but your boyfriend is. We are the company we keep. If he’s hanging out with and protecting/covering up for slimeballs like Ross, then he’s a slimeball too
Stay safe, this guy is dangerous
NTA