So I’ve had a lot of male friends over the years. Backstory, I’m in a solid relationship, and my partner doesn’t have a problem with me having guy friends.
I met my now 5 year friendship with this guy. Over the entirety of it, I get an endless talk about how he feels lonely and comparing himself to his siblings and valuing success by hitting milestones at certain ages. And sometimes he talk in a creepy way about women he was attracted to, which is a red flag for me. There’s too much talk of bodies and attraction. It became apparent to me he’s a bit too objective of women.
These talks kept getting so intense. I distanced for awhile because it reminded me of a phase I had in my 20s where I did the same thing, but it led me down a very dark path of codependency and addiction until I almost ended my life. I just don’t know how to tell him that he needs some help.
I called out the behavior a few days ago and got met with a very explosive response. He was messaging an AI and some of the messages reminded me uncomfortably of the rabbit hole I fell in sexually. So I asked him to stop. I’ve seen people become addicted to AI chat bots and how it destroys reality around them and becoming co dependent on it for human interaction. Then he accused me of ignoring him at work (we met as coworkers) when I have a limited amount of time to do things outside my department.
I just want to distant myself. I don’t like the way any of this is making me feel. AITA for calling him out? He reacted extremely negative to me and I don’t want to pretend around anyone. I like honesty and open friendship, not eggshelling because of a refusal to see how unhealthy his choice is.
I know he’s an adult and needs to learn his own lessons. I just have seen too many creepy people in the world and wonder sometimes if there is a cusp where they decide their behavior is acceptable when it’s not.
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So I’ve had a lot of male friends over the years. Backstory, I’m in a solid relationship, and my partner doesn’t have a problem with me having guy friends.
I met my now 5 year friendship with this guy. Over the entirety of it, I get an endless talk about how he feels lonely and comparing himself to his siblings and valuing success by hitting milestones at certain ages. And sometimes he talk in a creepy way about women he was attracted to, which is a red flag for me. There’s too much talk of bodies and attraction. It became apparent to me he’s a bit too objective of women.
These talks kept getting so intense. I distanced for awhile because it reminded me of a phase I had in my 20s where I did the same thing, but it led me down a very dark path of codependency and addiction until I almost ended my life. I just don’t know how to tell him that he needs some help.
I called out the behavior a few days ago and got met with a very explosive response. He was messaging an AI and some of the messages reminded me uncomfortably of the rabbit hole I fell in sexually. So I asked him to stop. I’ve seen people become addicted to AI chat bots and how it destroys reality around them and becoming co dependent on it for human interaction. Then he accused me of ignoring him at work (we met as coworkers) when I have a limited amount of time to do things outside my department.
I just want to distant myself. I don’t like the way any of this is making me feel. AITA for calling him out? He reacted extremely negative to me and I don’t want to pretend around anyone. I like honesty and open friendship, not eggshelling because of a refusal to see how unhealthy his choice is.
I know he’s an adult and needs to learn his own lessons. I just have seen too many creepy people in the world and wonder sometimes if there is a cusp where they decide their behavior is acceptable when it’s not.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole for calling out creepy behavior in my friend
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA. His behavior isn’t super weird, nor is it affecting you in any way. Like, if you want to stop talking about women with him, that makes sense. But him chatting it up with a bot does nothing to you, and certainly isn’t something for him to be “called out” on
You did the right thing by calling it out. Trust your instincts and distance yourself.
He might be gay.
Anyone has the right to end any relationship for any reason at any time. The way you end it can determine whether you are an a-hole.
INFO: You “called out the behavior” is pretty vague, and the only thing you specify is that you “asked him to stop” messaging AI bots. Can you be more specific about what you said and how you said it? Cuz that will depend upon whether you were an a-hole when you “called him out.”
I suspect you are more interested in whether YWBTA for ending the relationship. No, as long as you don’t do anything deliberately cruel (ghosting). Since you work with him, you can’t really ghost him. I think the best way to end this relationship is to keep a lot of distance between you, and when/if he asks what the problem is, be honest that you are definitely doing that. If he really needs to know why, you can explain your perspective or reasoning without talking about his shortcomings. Example: “You are into things that I just can’t have in my life. That is totally your right, cuz I’m not the boss of you, but those things are a line in the sand for me. Best of luck.”
NTA. Your partner really does need the sort of help you are probably not qualified to provide. If you think of how your relationship is going over the last year, and you find yourself walking on eggshells around them to prevent really unpleasant reactions, it’s time to get out. If you stay with someone like this, your future will never be more than this,