Why i won’t tell my mom i am graduating
So… I’m about to graduate for the second time. But this time, my mom won’t know until I’ve already done the whole ceremony.
During my first degree graduation, it was supposed to be one of those “proud family moments.” But for me, it was heavy. I had fought tooth and nail to finish that course I almost got expelled for an exam irregularity that luckily didn’t go through. That whole year was a nightmare. By the time graduation came, I was holding back tears all morning.
I broke down. Fully. Crying my eyes out while trying to put on the gown. One of the ladies helping to pin the gowns saw me, called my mom aside, and told her gently that it’s normal for people to get emotional on such a big day.
Instead of comfort, my mom just said, “Don’t be stupid and emotional,” right there. And she told me to stop “overreacting” because it should be a happy day. Even after the gown lady pinned me for free, and scolded mom for being mean to me . She kept hurrying me, scolding me like I was ruining her day.
I didn’t even get to take pictures with my classmates. She told me, “If you don’t want to go, stay here, you’ll bring yourself,” and basically rushed me out. By the end of the day, my biggest memory of my graduation wasn’t my hard work it was feeling humiliated.
So this time, I’ve decided to protect my peace. I’ll go, graduate, take my pictures, celebrate with friends… then I’ll tell her afterwards. I love my mom she’s shown up for me in many ways but I don’t trust her not to make this about her feelings instead of letting me experience mine.
what do you guys think?
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Why i won’t tell my mom i am graduating
So… I’m about to graduate for the second time. But this time, my mom won’t know until I’ve already done the whole ceremony.
During my first degree graduation, it was supposed to be one of those “proud family moments.” But for me, it was heavy. I had fought tooth and nail to finish that course I almost got expelled for an exam irregularity that luckily didn’t go through. That whole year was a nightmare. By the time graduation came, I was holding back tears all morning.
I broke down. Fully. Crying my eyes out while trying to put on the gown. One of the ladies helping to pin the gowns saw me, called my mom aside, and told her gently that it’s normal for people to get emotional on such a big day.
Instead of comfort, my mom just said, “Don’t be stupid and emotional,” right there. And she told me to stop “overreacting” because it should be a happy day. Even after the gown lady pinned me for free, and scolded mom for kunikelesha . She kept hurrying me, scolding me like I was ruining her day.
I didn’t even get to take pictures with my classmates. She told me, “If you don’t want to go, stay here, you’ll bring yourself,” and basically rushed me out. By the end of the day, my biggest memory of my graduation wasn’t my hard work it was feeling humiliated.
So this time, I’ve decided to protect my peace. I’ll go, graduate, take my pictures, celebrate with friends… then I’ll tell her afterwards. I love my mom she’s shown up for me in many ways but I don’t trust her not to make this about her feelings instead of letting me experience mine.
what do you guys think?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because a moment like graduation is a big deal so I’m conflicted if not telling her is wrong
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NAH. W/e decision you make is the decision you make.
NTA, you deserve to celebrate your accomplishments without having someone tear you down just because you’re (understandably) emotional.
>what do you guys think?
I think that sounds like a reasonable plan, that you’re NTA, and that she did it to herself.
I also think that I don’t know what ‘kunikelesha’ means and Google isn’t helping, but I don’t think it would change the result.
NTA
Enjoy YOUR day, it’s not her day. You’d never have to tell her, realistically. If she’s going to be shitty about it, it’s not her business
Congratulations!
NTA.
Sounds like r/RaisedByNarcissists
I think you can enjoy your graduation the way you want but if you tell her afterwards she’s going to punish you. So you have to be careful. Don’t tell her? Bring it into a conversation casually like it’s no big deal? Tell her you didn’t want a repeat of the first graduation? Tell her you didn’t want to stress her like last time? I’m torn. You know your mother so only you can decide how best to proceed. Congratulations and enjoy your day
NTA
How great for you! Congratulations, enjoy your day.