I (17M) recently found out that someone I’d been seeing wasn’t honest about a really important detail her age. She told me she was turning 16 this year, and I had no reason to doubt her. We went on a few dates, talked a lot, and even kissed a couple of times, but nothing further.
I just learned she’s actually 13. I was completely shocked and honestly feel sick about it. I would never have gone on a date with someone that young if I had known. I immediately cut things off, but now I’m scared about rumors starting and people thinking I knowingly did something wrong. I’m also worried about possible legal issues, even though I had no clue.
I feel manipulated and betrayed, but I’m more concerned about how to protect myself now. I don’t know if I should tell someone preemptively, keep quiet and hope it never comes up, or if there’s some other way to make sure this doesn’t blow up in my face.
Has anyone been in a situation where someone lied to you in a way that could ruin your reputation? How did you handle it? Any advice would help
Comments
Cut off all contact immediately, write down everything that happened while it’s fresh, and save any messages as proof. Speak to a trusted adult or parent so you have support, guidance, and someone who can back you up if rumors start or questions arise.
Get the fuck out right now!
You never would have dated a 13-yo, and now you’re doubting yourself because you “got to know her” but you got to know her on the foundation of a lie. The sand of the foundation has fallen away, and now you’re on your ass.
Get up, and get out.
You can be kind. Just say, “Call me when you’re 18.” But make it final.
Sorry to hear about this. And I can certainly understand your concern.
It seems to me that you are feeling anxious about something (damage to your reputation) that not only has not yet happened, but which may never happen.
And I strongly suspect that the reason for that is that you feel not only very angry at this young woman, but also horribly guilty about what you did… and that shows that you have a very strong moral compass.
I have found over many decades of my own life that it is only by admitting to ourselves that we are fallible, and that we make mistakes, that we are able to forgive ourselves, and thereby relieve ourselves of the guilt and anxiety that are plaguing us.
I know this sounds easier said than done, but my advice to you would be to simply go on with your life and regard this interaction as an important lesson.
And meantime, let sleeping dogs lie… and perhaps let your parents know what has transpired.
I hope this is somewhat helpful to you. Thank you.
The fact that you immediately stopped all contact once you learned the truth proves your intentions were completely innocent. Document everything that shows you believed she was 16 and cut off contact as soon as you discovered otherwise, just in case you need to protect yourself later.
Be honest with someone you trust its the best way to protect yourself and stop rumors
Bro was she in middle school? Lmao
“You’re only 17, you don’t have a rep yet”
Dude … 13 how?
You haven’t done anything illegal. It’s good you cut things off immediately. Save all the texts as proof. A friend of mine (22m) started dating a girl and then found out she was only 16. She threatened to report him if he broke up with her. Quite the sticky situation. He had to keep seeing her until SHE found someone else and broke things off. Feel lucky you’re still underage as well.
How did this even happen lol? Where did you even meet this child at? She can’t be going to the same school as you.
This is a repost. I’ve seen this exact same post here last week.
Karma farming at its finest.
I dont think there are any legal consequences since you are not 18. You’re already doing the right things anyway
I don’t think you have much to worry about right now. You didn’t do anything illegal and if anything, you’re the victim here. If you would like, you could tell your friends and ask them to keep it to themselves. If anything does come out because of it they could defend you. On the plus side you’re getting ready to graduate and maybe go off to college so at least you have the opportunity to start over soon. Just be sure to card your future interests.
If a girl that young is lying about her age to date a much older man, it might be for a good reason. You are probably her only escape from secret abuse going on at home. Maybe she’s been getting molested or physically abused at home or something, things you know nothing about, and she probably feels safe with you. You should find out why she lied to you.