I (20F) have a low functioning autistic brother (7M). He is non verbal and does not use the toilet. Instead, he tries to do his business on peoples chairs and couches for… Whatever reason.
Because of this, I don’t let him come over to the apartment anymore. This all happened after one day, my parents dropped him off for me to babysit him. No biggie, I love my brother. Well, 2 hours in, he decided to pull down his pants and peed all over my new, expensive couch. I caught him halfway through his leakage and dragged him away from the couch, sat him on then toilet, and made him sit there for a few minutes. This ended up with him having a meltdown of epic proportions, one so bad I had to call my parents.
After that, I decided I would no longer allow him to come over. I’ve dealt with the couch pissing for months since this behavior started and would always redirect him to the toilet. Now that he ruined a piece of furniture I actually saved up for and care about, I can’t keep dealing with this anymore. My parents are mad that he isn’t allowed at my apartment anymore and are calling me “selfish” over it. Am I truly the asshole here?
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I (20F) have a low functioning autistic brother (7M). He is non verbal and does not use the toilet. Instead, he tries to do his business on peoples chairs and couches for… Whatever reason.
Because of this, I don’t let him come over to the apartment anymore. This all happened after one day, my parents dropped him off for me to babysit him. No biggie, I love my brother. Well, 2 hours in, he decided to pull down his pants and peed all over my new, expensive couch. I caught him halfway through his leakage and dragged him away from the couch, sat him on then toilet, and made him sit there for a few minutes. This ended up with him having a meltdown of epic proportions, one so bad I had to call my parents.
After that, I decided I would no longer allow him to come over. I’ve dealt with the couch pissing for months since this behavior started and would always redirect him to the toilet. Now that he ruined a piece of furniture I actually saved up for and care about, I can’t keep dealing with this anymore. My parents are mad that he isn’t allowed at my apartment anymore and are calling me “selfish” over it. Am I truly the asshole here?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may have been TA for banning my brother from coming over to the apartment and siding with a piece of furniture over him
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA – And if they need you to babysit – do it at their house. Problem solved.
NTA, I’d let them know going forward they either need to go ahead and have you come to their house to watch him, or figure out how to potty train him, one of the two. Is he in any kind of therapy for this?
NTA, he obviously needs 24/7 supervision. Also your parents could buy clothing that can’t be pulled down like that, there’s literally onsie type things that are crazy hard to take off specifically for people with needs like this
Tough situation, but I’m not quite sure why you didn’t cover the couch with something waterproof and washable before he came over? I can’t imagine how hard this is on you, and your parents really shouldn’t be relying on you for care needs. But this isn’t his fault, and you might benefit from some therapy to process your own feelings about being having to care for him. It sounds like you might have been doing a lot of caring for him your whole life and finally got your own safe space that your parents are having him “invade?”
NTA! Your parents are FAILING your brother. He can absolutely be potty trained. I’ve seen multiple nonverbal low functioning kids and teens taught in a hospital to use the bathroom correctly.
NTA.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Your parents need to have him babysat only at their home. You are not selfish; you are setting necessary boundaries.
Your parents need a gameplan for your brother.
Brand new account with a very similar story to another AITA about not watching an autistic brother. I smell a bot
OMG, gross! NTA. Your house deserves to be clean, and so does your new couch. Did your parents ever potty-train him? If not, then he needs it! But be gentle, as he is autistic. Speak gently, and just guide him. Hope this helps. Good luck!!!
nta
NTA. Your parents should be ashamed of themselves for allowing your brother to ruin your furniture. I say ‘allow’ because your brother probably hasn’t learned to use the toilet because your parents haven’t had the patience to teach him.
Your brother should be in a program where he is taught basic skills. Will your parents continually allow this behavior when your brother is twenty??
Also, your parents owe you a replacement sofa. You cannot use the one you have because urine seeps into fabric and there will always be a faint smell even if you had it cleaned.
Your parents are 100% the blame for your brother’s behavior. Autistic or not, your brother has the ability to learn if he’s taught. The older your brother gets the harder it will be to teach him.
Nta.
NTA. Your parents owe you a new couch for starters. You are under no obligation to have your brother in your home or on your property.
NTA, but your parents are. They are failing your brother. They need to connect with someone to assist with training or possibly placement. No reason for him to be acting like an untrained animal.
NTA. You shouldn’t have to be an unpaid/forced caregiver.
NTA – your parents are neglecting their son’s basic health needs. Don’t let them shift their obligation to be parents onto you.
NTA – It’s not like you’re saying you’ll never look after him just that you won’t do it on your home. Your parents are doing him a great disservice by not working with him on this issue.