Marked nsfw cus like i said its gross.
Ima try and keep it short. Yesterday my fiance(23f) and me (25m) went to pick up my kid(10mthsM) from my moms.My dads at work for 2 weeks. My little sister saw my mom chew up and spit food into my sons mouth like a mother bird. My lil sister told my fiance and was uncomfortable the rest of the time. I was outside smoking a cig so i didnt see it and i know my sisters telling the truth cus honestly it sounds like something my mom would fucking do and its gross. So today my fiance texted my mom saying how she was uncomfortable with that and to pls dont do it again to which the only thing my mom responded with was “Ok.”
I have no problems with my parents and i love them to death. Its not the first time weve had to tell her not to do something with our son (other thing was not gross just about an ipad) and its not the first time she been a little disrespectful towards our parenting.
I dont know wat to do, im on the verge of tears, my fiance is starting to not like my mom and i don t want this to affect either my fiances and my moms relationship or the relationship with my son and parents. Pls help me.
Weve already spoken to her about bounderies btw and my moms a very sensitive person sp id like to do it the nicest way possible.
Comments
Is it gross? Yes
Is it what humans did for the first million years of our experience? Also yes
Baby food is a modern convenience
Your mom is insane bro I try to give people the benefit but there’s no timeline where that is a normal interaction with anyone’s child. Your mother clearly doesn’t understand boundaries, did she do these things with you as a child? And happened with the iPad?
This is not that gross tbh. My mom did that for my younger sister when she did not have tooth. Also introduces good bacteria to the kid’s mouth. What is gross is you smoking cigarettes. Yuck.
Simply communicate clear boundaries with your mother and remind and reinforce your relationship and boundaries with her as a standard protocol moving forward. You might follow up with curiosity around where she learned that behavior, it may have been from great grandma 👵🏽
Your fiancé and kids are your family now, your responsibility, they have to come first. You need to set boundaries with your mom, who is from your family of origin, but not your present family in the same sense. I know it’s hard, you love your mom, but your wife kids are your absolute top priorities, and if your mom can’t respect your family and relationships then she’s the one out of line and you need to set hard boundaries. Btw I recommend the book “Boundaries”. If you are not Christian you’ll have to excuse some of the religious sections, but the content is excellent all the same (the author is a practicing clinical psychologist who specializes in helping religious Christians set boundaries since they tend to be overly giving).
Edit: spelling
Gross. I read the first 4 sentences. I can’t finish the rest. Hopefully someone can help you.
Your mom was doing an ages old ‘thing’ that parents did with babies since time began. It is not any more gross than french kissing, if you think about it. Hell, dogs eat their own vomit, now that is gross. But as another poster mentioned, what is truly gross is smoking cigarettes around a baby (or any living breathing thing.) Even if you smoke away from him, your clothes and body reek and the smoke can be absorbed. Please try to quit for your babie’s sake, since you don’t care about the consequences for yourself.
She could pass on dental bacteria and other nasties with that behaviour
Your mom is crazy and weird, if your fiance is uncomfortable you should take your fiancé’s side and put your foot down
That’s your fiancé’s kid too, and someone just spit food into her kid’s mouth. She’s under reacting because she doesn’t want to stir up drama
“Starting to not like your mom” no, it’s past that. If someone spit food into my kid’s mouth I’d want a restraining order
THAT’S NOT YOUR MOM’S KID she has no right to do something weird just because she thinks it’s okay. She’s overstepping ROYALLY
Breastfeeding is also natural, you don’t randomly unconsensually breast feed others’ kids. Spitting is even weirder, arguably
Common viruses, STDs, regular herpes, dental cavities that are contagious, bacteria generally. Disgusting
“A little disrespectful”
Banjos playing at MIL house
I wouldn’t let her watch him unsupervised again, honestly. Never have I ever had anyone do this to my children. My husband would not let unsupervised visits happen again. Your child’s health comes first and this is way overstepping a boundary. She is teaching your child its ok to swap things this way with people and with kids you don’t want habits like this with other adults. I am speechless.
She said ‘ok’, which sounds like an excellent response imo. But, the bottom line is if you cannot trust that “ok” then you also can’t trust her being a babysitter for your children.
Make a list of all the things you wouldn’t approve of that your mom might do, and then avoid family time that involves those things. Boundaries aren’t for other people to kindly respect them, boundaries are the areas of existence that you deem ‘lockdown’ areas— whereas if someone invades these areas, you remove their accessibility to that part of your life through restrictions and barring entry to those people who have proven disrespectful of you and your boundaries.
For example, breakfast, lunch, and dinner is off limits specifically where your mother has autonomy and control over how your children eat.
It’s tedious but it’s the best solution when you can’t trust someone to parent your children in a way you deem healthy and acceptable.
“If I ever see you do that with our child again, you won’t be seeing him anymore. I’ll also involve CAS.”
Does that mean she did that for you?
She’s going to do whatever she wants. Behind your back. This time she was caught. Whatever she says. It won’t change. So you need to decide whether you want to continue with her watching your child. Or not. She won’t stop. She’ll just do better to hide it. And if she doesn’t even try to hide it. That’s worse.
Honestly, that’s disgusting. Never even did that with my own children. It’s weird. And I’m sure she did it with you. It didn’t just come on all of a sudden. All you can do: to keep the peace. Is quietly. Find someone. Anyone else. On off times.
I’ve only ever heard of this before, with Reese Witherspoon and her child. And it grossed me out just the same. Never looked at her the same again. And her movies were coming out when it was awesome for me as a teenager. Literally, loved her.
Just no. I saw you said as far as you know, she didn’t do that with you. But I bet she did and even if she didn’t. This is something within her. That she’ll just keep trying to do behind people’s backs. Unless it’s really thrown in her face that you can’t do this so you’re not gonna have any involvement.
Ngl I thought about doing this with my own son as a joke but even then I realized it wasnt actually funny and more just insane.