I just found out that my (41f) partner (44m) lied to me over several months about what he got up to one night at his mate’s house. Long story short– he said he was going round mid afternoon to play some darts.
I asked him to be home that evening as he had promised to take me to a medical appointment the next morning. Instead, he called blind drunk later that night to tell me he wasn’t coming home but would meet me at the appointment instead.
This is what I have learned over the last few months: he got pissed and flirted all night with the 20 year old niece of his friend. They both stayed the night there (apparently nothing ‘physical’ happened). They exchanged numbers and messaged a few days after and were intending to meet up but his conscious got the better of him.
This all came out in dribs and drabs after me asking many, many questions. Is this emotional cheating?? I think it is, he says not and that he ‘didn’t do anything wrong by me’.
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If it’s emotional cheating to u, then it’s emotional cheating. Flirting with someone 20 years younger is crazy, but doing that AND spending the night together and exchanging numbers is crazier.
Had his conscious not gotten to him, he would’ve cheated. U can’t trust his judgement point blank. He can’t blame the alcohol because this lasted longer than “one night”. He’s trying to make himself feel better about his actions but had the roles reversed and u did this, how would he have felt/reacted?
Yes it is
Uhhhh if he’s willing to lie about flirting with a waitress he’s willing to lie about sleeping with her. He definitely did, and it may be worth getting an std test in case he’s given you one. Based on your post history this man constantly lies to you, how do you still believe anything he says. Even if he didn’t sleep with her it’s 100% emotional cheating.
Hmmm, I think emotional cheating is the displacement of attention that’s non physical, so yes. He was flirting too, so yes. Ask to see these messages and if he says no, don’t press it any further. Just respect yourself to consider walking away and take a break from your relationship. If you want to be with him ask him to change and where you might be lacking. I’m not saying you are, but for him to seek attention he’s either missing something or being too greedy with female attention.
Uh, who cares? The 20yo niece of his friend? Isn’t that weird enough on its own??