I ’21F’ don’t want to marry my bf ’27M’ anymore. I am with him from when i was 17 years old.He was my first everything and i always dreamed about being his wife in the end but something changed now..I found out that he had been talking to another girl on a dating app throughout our relationship..?

r/

He was my first boyfriend, my first everything.I have always been so sweet and loving to him..for the last two years I cooked for him, washed his clothes by hand, took care of him when he was sick, smothered him with kisses and love and yet he was always cold to me..I would ask him almost daily why he was so cold, why he never held me or kissed me on his own initiative..I thought it was just his nature to be so cold, even though at the beginning of our relationship he was so loving and gave me so much affection…I still complimented him daily, boosted his self-esteem, gave him all my attention and begged him to communicate more. I spent the last few years crying almost daily because of his narcissistic behavior…He loved to make me jealous of all the girls, his coworkers, his patients (he is a nurse). He told me that if I disappeared he would rebuild his life and find another girl, he also said that he didn’t know if he would still stay with me in the situation where I lost a leg and couldn’t walk anymore… He often got really angry when I touched him or when I kissed him and told me that he simply didn’t feel like it and didn’t want to be touched..At the beginning of our relationship, he often told me how much he hated lying and cheating because he had been betrayed by his ex-girlfriends too many times. He made me delete all the guys from my Facebook friends list because he said I had no reason to have them there. He also deleted all his girls, except for one, an ex-childhood friend, whom he had loved in the past.
At first, we often talked about wanting to get married, having two little girls..we even chose their names..
In recent years, however, whenever I would bring up our future together, he would always change the subject or answer me with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Even when my parents asked him when we would get married, he said he didn’t want to yet because he was afraid to make a commitment..
However, despite all this, I was willing to wait for him until he was ready for marriage.
I never wanted to live with a boy in the same house without at least a promise, a commitment..a simple marriage proposal with a ring from the shein website for one euro..All this because I had complete trust in him that he would never cheat on me. He was the only man I felt I could trust completely. And yet, he somehow managed to ruin that for me too..
I took his old phone, which I knew he didn’t use anymore, to look for pictures of us that we took the first time we met.. that’s how I came across that dating app where he had entire conversations with another girl..conversations that went on for years (4 years to be exact).
A year has passed since I discovered this, but even though I forgave him, I can’t trust him anymore. I know that if I hadn’t discovered it myself, he would never have told me..I want to stay with him and I’m aware that if I don’t want to marry him anymore, I’m just wasting my time with the wrong man, but still I can’t imagine myself with another man, I simply feel like I can’t love anyone else and that no one else will be able to love me anyway because I have nothing left to offer..I really don’t know what to do..

Comments

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  2. Mindless-Mission-757 Avatar

    You have to be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you could ever really trust him again. You’re too young to be thinking of marriage anyway. There’s a whole world out there waiting for you to see it and experience it. In doing so, you might actually meet someone who fits that piece of the jigsaw that makes you unique. In my book, I would ask what a 23 year old was wanting with a 17 year old in the first place. You’re with him for 4 years, and he’s already been looking elsewhere.

    You deserve better. Don’t wait for him. Don’t pine for him. He really isn’t worth the trouble. You have so much to give this world. Go out there and start living your best life.

  3. MckittenMan Avatar
    • He made you delete any male off your Facebook.
    • Caught him cheating on you.
    • You cried nearly daily in this relationship.
    • He is always cold to you.
    • You can’t trust him.
    • He always dodges the future talks.
    • You hand wash his laundry.
    • You cook for him.
    • He’s a narcissistic.
    • He never hugs or kisses you all on his own.
    • Intentionally wanted to make you jealous of other women.
    • He cringes at your physical touch, kissing, hugs, holding hands or other forms of affection.
    • Would probably dump you if you gained a disability.
    • etc.

    Red flag list goes on.

    I have no idea what version of him you fell in love with, but that idea you have of him in your mind is dead and gone, never existed in the first place.

    Probably fell for him because he treated you nice during the first 3 months… Then has been nothing but nasty to you for the following years. Everyone is nice during the honeymoon. Don’t let the honeymoon define the person. This stage you’re in right now is the true definition, the reality.

    Who you fell in love with doesn’t exist.

    Who you actually fell in love with is a man who doesn’t give a dam about you and makes you feel worse about yourself.

    Listen to yourself, you’re in constant pain. He caused this pain for you. Your relationship is making you suffer… That’s not love.

    You can picture yourself with another man, you just don’t love yourself enough to try. Whatever fantasy version of a man you have of him in your mind, doesn’t exist.

    Save yourself from this horrible toxicity. This relationship was dead and empty long ago… The longer you stay, the more hollow you feel.

    You need to end this relationship.

  4. MovePrevious9463 Avatar

    leave asap and block him

  5. omatapombos Avatar

    This man desdains you. You deserve better. Leave and block him. You are still young and you will easily find someone better.