After discovering my partner was sleeping with a work colleague shortly before the pregnancy of our first child, our relationship has fallen to pieces and we’ve had 7 weeks of trying to understand and repair things. In that time, all she’s done is try and cover it up and make excuses and turn the blame on me instead of taking accountability and trying to reassure me and acknowledge how much this has completely screwed my head up. Last week I discovered she had told her parents I was simply jealous of a male friend of hers and that there’s aspects of me that worry her about my reaction that make her question my ability as a parent. Lying to me is one things but lying about me is another level of disrespect and that was the limit of what I could take from her so I’ve told her our relationship is over, saying I’m happy to coparent with her if the child is mine but I can’t be her partner anymore after how she’s treated me, not just during the infidelity but after too. She’s gone silent on me since.
This has been an agonising position to be in and decision to make and I’m still reeling in it but I’m sure the other alternatives would have been worse in the long run. Would anyone else have done different or have hope of repairing this?
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With her going silent on you it makes me wonder about paternity. Anyways good on you for standing up for yourself though it would’ve been a bit wiser and better if you did it sooner. I hate to say it but check paternity on your first child too.
Make sure that’s your kid, as well. This sounds like a behavior that was not acquired suddenly, and has been going on for a long time.
Sorry buddy. Keep your head high.
Get a DNA test, if she refuses get a lawyer and take her to court. Find out if the child is yours. If not, move on with your life and leave her alone, you dodged a bullet. If it is your child then you have to fight for custody rights. Don’t let her just run off with your child. Its a lot of work being a father but If its your kid you want them to be some part of your life.
DNA test
I’m going to hell for this, but the first thing that comes to mind is how important it is to confirm paternity before making any final decisions, what if this isn’t your child? How do you move forward knowing there’s a chance you’re being asked to parent someone else’s kid while carrying the weight of betrayal?
You need to accept that your relationship is over. The baby isn’t going to repair your relationship. Get a DNA paternity test. This is a simple blood test that can be done well before the baby is born. If you’re not the parent.. you dodged a bullet and ghost her. If you are, start work towards a healthy coparenting plan. Good luck!
Please speak to a lawyer, request a paternity test and get your affairs in order.
Also see if you can arrange a meeting with her parents and her to discuss next steps and allow you to clear up any mis- understandings face to face