Me and friend today were heckled by a stranger just because we were standing on the side of the road. We were just sitting on my bike and trying to call our third friend and a guy pulls up on his bike and started arguing with us about why we were standing there and started to cuss my friend and accusing us that we were here to harrass/meet the girls in the neighbourhood. My friend wasn’t backing off and was arguing with him and I won’t lie just being confronted like that by a stranger made me a little nervous and I was trying to tell him that we were waiting for our friend, and that we were civil respectable people and basically I was backing off from creating a conflict even when we were at no fault. But then things escalated between my friend and the guy and the guy told us that he was a veteran and threatened to take us to a police station and beat us up by calling his friends to which my friend said let’s go to the police station and we started following him over our vehicles and then stopped at about 100m and then said that he is letting us go this time and never to come back into his neighbourhood but my friend had no plans of backing off and they started getting into argument but I stepped in and told my friend to let it go.
When told about this to brother and third friend they told me that I wa being a pussy for backing out and I should have confronted the guy more and should have called the police myself because we were not at fault at all. The neighbourhood we were in wasn’t too safe so my thought process was to just deescalate the situation and just not turn it into a big issue. Was I being a pussy and if I was being one what should I do the next time something like this happens, I am too introverted and my parents have always kept in a shell for the last 19 years and this was the first time anything like this had happend to me. Any advice would be appreciated
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Noones a pussy for de escalating in an uncertain, unsafe situation. Noone knows how a fight will ever work out, and it rarely ends well.
No, you did the right thing. Unlike the movies, fights are basically a no-win situation. You could get seriously hurt or killed, or you could end up seriously hurting the other guy which means you could get arrested or sued.
It’s not worth taking that kind of risk for a random asshole you’ll never see again.
Adults don’t fight.
(Unless paid)
In the famous words of thorfinn.
You have no enemies
You did the right thing…nothing good would have come from violence. That guy was looking for a fight and you won by not giving it to him.
Your friends are idiots. There’s nothing to be gained by fighting with crazy people, and that guy was clearly crazy. A guy that will threaten you for standing on a corner will also pull a knife or gun, or put serious effort into killing you.
Outside of grade school, there’s no such thing as a fair fight. Avoid them if at all possible.
You did the right thing, adults should be able to resolve disputes with words and not need to resort to violence. De-escalation is almost universally a better approach than escalation for all parties involved.
You _walked_ away. That’s the end goal of any confrontation and you did it without getting hurt. Only fight if you have no other alternative. At 50+ I’ve never found there was not an alternative.
First of all vaginas are really strong and durable
Second of all its way tougher to put your ego the side and walk away than let your ego take over
Third of all that crazy dude could have had a weapon etc and your brother could have been burying you. You did the right thing
Bro 100% the right call is de-escalaton. The second right call is to leave while/if you can.
Fighting can have deadly consequences. Lifes not an action film – any person is one well placed punch away from lifelong disability, death or a long manslaughter prison sentence.
These stakes are too high for some ego bullshit.
I say this as someone who has tried to be a hero once to intervene in an unjust fight, but ended up in a hospital and possibly lifelong health issues. Im not saving anyone’s ass anymore, except if its my kids and family.
Fighting = risking your life.
Past high school fights just mean you could get sued, arrested, or stabbed or shot for shit that ultimately isn’t worth it.
First off, backing out of a fight was 100% the right thing to do. It’s just not worth it. Getting into a physical altercation should only be an absolute last resort in a life or death situation. This sounds like a very very stupid situation and there’s zero upside to winning a pissing contest. There’s so many things that can go wrong and ruin your entire life.
But you still might be a pussy, which is fine. Like if you backed out because you were scared, then yeah you’re kind of a pussy. If you backed out because the cost/benefit analysis is skewed so remarkably negative, then you’re just smart.
>When told about this to brother and third friend they told me that I wa being a pussy for backing out and I should have confronted the guy more and should have called the police myself because we were not at fault at all
Your brother and third friend are fucking idiots.
Which is it, you’re supposed to start a fight and get fucked up and/or arrested and/or killed? Or you’re supposed to be a big tough guy and say “stay right here while I call someone to shoot you”?
Contrary to your idiot associates, the adult move is to deescalate conflict and leave. No one wins by starting a fight with strangers.
>The neighbourhood we were in wasn’t too safe so my thought process was to just deescalate the situation and just not turn it into a big issue
Congrats for being the only person in your group with an ounce of common sense.
without reading any of your post: no, you’re being smart.
If anything; they are pussies. You made the harder and right decision. Their fragile egos couldn’t let the incoherent ramblings of a mentally unwell person go.
You did the normal thing. Your friend and the aggressor were being childish. A lot of people think you’re being a pussy if you don’t fall into the toxic masculinity tropes. They are too immature to realize they’re incorrect.
• 1.) Your brother and third friend weren’t there. They don’t get a say.
•2.) That guy sounds unhinged. He probably wasn’t a Veteran. (No respectable vets pull that card unless A. They never served or B. They Did serve but not to a capacity that makes them feel proud so they go out trying to be Billy BadAsses.) For all you know that nut job had a knife or something else)
• 3.) Kudos to you for keeping your head about it. You did very well. You picked your battles. This wasn’t the day for it. You knew it and trusted your gut. Your buddy tho…..
A pussy for opting out of the potential to permanently ruin your life through injury or litigation? No.
Find new friends. Or, more accurately, find people who are actually your friend.
Actually It sounds like you were the only one with a brain in this situation.
First, don’t engage with these ghetto/”we own the neighborhood” types they’re usually stupid and didn’t even make it through school. Logic, decency, & civility are foreign concepts to them.
Second, Your friend & brother are stupid for wanting to fight cause what if they lose? or what if they win but it becomes a whole legal debacle bullshit? All outcomes are negative and undesirable.
Third, Your friend & brother were escalating the situation because you were a group. People are more brave with a group. They would never escalate the situation if they were by themselves.
No. Fighting is crazy risky. People carry knives and guns and are mentally ill and will straight up kill you or cut you or severely injure you. I don’t engage strangers in fist fights unless they TRULY give me no choice.
You deescalated a situation and avoided an unnecessary fight with someone of unknown skill over something stupid.
That’s not being a pussy, it’s being smart. If you had just left your friend, that would have been being a pussy.
Not a pussy.
Any time you can avoid physical conflict, you should. You and your friend made it out of that altercation with no injuries or charges. Your ego is the only thing that got hurt.
Let it go man. Some people just wanna start trouble. You avoided it. Good work. You might wanna talk to your friend though. Sounds like he is looking for a fight.
No. You did the right thing. You don’t know if the guy has a weapon or if his friends would show up with weapons or superior numbers. If you put the guy in the hospital, you could get sued or get arrested.
No, there’s nothing good that could come from it and with the amount of crazies coming out of the woodwork, he was probably carrying.
Don’t engage even, it’s not worth it. Just ignore and if they are acting super crazy, record them in case you have to defend yourself. The world is on fire right now.
Deescalate and move on. Fights lead to disability or medical bills.
Good way to end up dead. Let them call you a pussy while you are safe at home. You made the mature, correct decision.
Not a pussy . No need to fight , rolling around concrete sucks .
When you’re an adult, there is always more to lose fighting than there is to gain. If the two top likelihoods are jail or serious injury to you or the other person, be somewhere else and be there fast because that option sucks.
That voice in your head is just silly, youthful pride. Let that shit go and be a man with something to lose.
To be frank: the guy was an idiot to be aggressive to some strangers on the road and I don’t see why beating up an idiot should be honorable. That’s not about being a pussy but about being a man. Veteran or not, you have to be a special kind of stupid to take on two strangers alone and I don’t really see why beating him up 2 against 1 would be ok. Maybe he fought in a war but surprise: you don’t fight wars bare handed but with weapons. He would have gotten his ass kicked, somebody calls the cops and you get into trouble for nothing.
No pussy here, just three guys who didn’t beat the shit out of each other, which I find quite a good decision to make.
Let me save you some time. Cops don’t GIVE. A. SHIT. They’d probably arrest you all for some chicken shit suspicion, and let the courts sort it out. They don’t give a fuck. Better to stay off their radar. That’s how everyone wins.
Avoiding and walking away from a fight takes more courage and common sense than getting into one.
Absolutely not. You never know the level of skill that the person you’re up against has it’s always safer and wiser to back out of a fight and potentially put yourself at risk of life altering injuries.
Let’s say for example you are more skilled and you actually hurt the guy in the fight. Well now you can get in trouble for that too.
Fighting almost never works to your advantage
Boys start fights. Men end them. If you can do so without violence, you are a better man than most.
You have no idea which asshole is packing heat and mentally unstable enough to use it when they’re throwing hands. It’s never worth it unless you are defending yourself and others.
You did the right thing and likely saved your friends life. Anyone calling you a pussy is a an immature kid whose advice is worthless.
Only idiots get involved in avoidable physical fights. Unless you or a loved one is physically attacked first, don’t fight anyone. It’s irrelevant what it looks like to anyone else. The repercussions, either physically or legal can be felt in an unexpected instant.
It seems your friend can become wiser from you if he could listen. You can only get dumber and in trouble with that friend. Be cautious.
Nope. There’s very few things in life worth fighting over, and whatever that altercation was actually about definitely doesn’t qualify.
You need to get away from those dipshits, though. They’re absolutely going to get you injured or in trouble. Not a matter of ‘if’, but ‘when’.
Nah, the first rule of street fights is do everything in your power to not get in a street fight. Run away if you have to.
Street fights are unpredictable and sometimes deadly, even if you know how to fight. Don’t let your ego get you arrested or hospitalised.
People who call each other a pussy for trying to de-escalate are the type who end up in prison themselves.
I fought all through my teens and 20’s. Last fight was at 31. I have plates in my jaw and my hands been broken about 5x and is slightly deformed. It will probably affect my golf game and cause arthritis as I age. The concussions have probably given me some level of CTE. I know a guy who beat someone up and the guy died. I know a guy who suffered brain damage from a fight. I know guys who have aggravated assault felonies and it affects their job prospects and ability to travel. You should focus on being the best you you can be and avoid fights. De-escalate situations and try to walk away while still protecting yourself. And if you are forced to physically defend yourself because you are literally being attacked fight for your life. Being a fighter is not cool and it is not as romantic as people make it out to be. It is fast, chaotic, and not pretty. People who like to street fight are either broken in side or haven’t actually done it and don’t really know what it’s like.
Getting in a fight would only entertain and vindicate the arse-hat who approached you. All you needed to do was state you were minding your own business, please leave us alone. After that, he’s simply harassing you.
It’s one thing to not defend yourself, it’s another to allow yourself to be drawn into a fight. Sounds like Arse-hat was trolling you to throw a punch first so he could claim to be a “victim” and sue you or offer to “settle out of court” for cash.
No blood, no foul.
Don’t let your ego get you into a physical confrontation. As long as he didn’t put his hands on you, there was no need to get physical.
But you should have simply exited the situation earlier. I’m ok with being thought a pussy
The people that will call you a pussy are just stupid. I have friends that can brawl, they acknowledge its not for everyone.
The mentality of “im right if i beat you in a fight” needs to die.
Didn’t even read the story but no, these things only up in one of two ways. Arrested or hurt.
u/Pure_System9801 said it best: Adults don’t fight.
Even professional fighters and martial artists will opt to back down, deescalate, or run before they throw down – at least any who have a semblance of personal responsibility.
This isn’t the movies, kid. You never know what someone is carrying in their back pocket or just how unhinged they might be. Pride isn’t worth your life, and anyone who’s calling you a pussy for deescalating doesn’t seem to understand that.
Nobody walks out of a fight unscathed.
There’s nothing more pathetic than a boy who thinks he’s a tough guy. Anybody encouraging you to escalate a situation is a fuckin child. Fight if you have no other choice. You don’t need to prove anything to anybody. If they act like you do, they’re not your friends.
It doesn’t make you a pussy for what you did, not at all.
What happens if you get out of the car, he throws a punch, you throw one back and he falls, hits his head and dies?
You’re now in prison for manslaughter because of some shouty words with a stranger.
Violence doesn’t solve anything. Someone gets their ass beat…doesn’t necessarily mean they were wrong. You could be right and have no hands.
Also, these days, you could step to an instigator and get shot. You can also whoop someone’s ass and they come back up with the heater. You trying to die over a phone call on the side of the road?
Would your brother rather you be alive so he can talk shit, or roll up on you with your brains decorating your neighbor’s lawn?
Nope. You trying to die from some maniac’s punch?
The correct maneuver is to call the police and report that someone is threatening you.
Additionally, if you are an adult, these are the types of times where carrying is your right (at least in my state).
I’d tell him to fuck off, but I’m not fighting anyone at this age unless absolutely necessary. I got that all out of my system in my teens and 20s, and it was stupid back then too.
Only one you should be fighting is it’s absolutely required and you can’t walk away
Street fights are dumb. And people that initiate them are losers and have nothing to lose.
The issue with street fights is that you can get seriously injured or killed. Or worse, you kill someone.
I have a friend that got into a stupid bar fight at 30 years old. Someone got seriously injured with a lifelong disability. He spent three days in jail. In and out of courts for 3 years. Couldn’t get a job. Spent thousands in legal fees. He was lucky that he didn’t get sent to prison. But now he has a criminal record and can only do dead-end jobs.
I never started fights, but I was that guy that wouldn’t back down if challenged. fast forward to today, if I see something around me that I don’t like and people are being confrontational or aggressive. Trying to bait me into something, I just leave.
I have a six figure job, wife and small kid. I don’t want to go to prison because of some bullshit.
You never know what you’re dealing with in strangers. They could be 9th degree black belts, MMA fighters, carrying firearms, whatever.
No you are not wrong in backing down. Let it go. You’ll never see these people again.
That said…. That said, this is also a good reason for concealed carry license. Because some people won’t back down, and can harm you.
Haha, no.
Real fights aren’t like in the movies, nor like what happens in the ring or on the mat. Dangerous unpredictable crap where anyone can end up injured, dead, or in jail.
I have decades of martial arts experience (including some full contact MMA type stuff from way back when that was becoming popular) and am also a big dude (amateur powerlifter type). Not been in a fight since middle school; not worth it.
To repeat what others said (and paraphrase always sunny in Philadelphia)
>we’re in our 30s, we don’t fight people anymore, it’s kinda pathetic.
But seriously, you don’t know that guy, what he’s carrying in his pocket, or his current mental state. Sure defend yourself if absolutely necessary but fuck that “being a pussy” talk. An argument on a sidewalk isn’t worth a trip to the hospital, catching a charge, or worse.
Not at all. Two adults fighting is a serious situation where people will get really hurt or could be killed. That’s not to mention the legal trouble you will be in.
Some people are naturally more aggressive than others. I am a little more aggressive than I should be and my first instinct is to fight rather than back down. That’s great when I’m in the boxing ring (something I used to do before I had kids) but it is usually not great in most circumstances. I know this about myself and hold myself back.
Fighting is not cool and it doesn’t make you a badass. In reality, it’s ugly and it’s potentially gruesome. Deescalating is what people in true control of the situation do – do you want to be in control or do you want to “not be a pussy” by looking like a fool and potentially getting hurt or hurting someone?
Fighting is for children. Are you a child? No. Men do not fight unless someone’s life is in danger
No, you have a fully developed prefrontal cortex
dudes who fight are losers.
Unless it’s a situation where you are protecting yourself or others from immediate danger, fighting is what children do
We’re too old for this crap. It’s a young man’s game, fighting. I keep a solution for that on my belt. You’re definitely not a pussy for backing out. You’re smart for it.
Only dumbasses fight. Even if you win, you lose because you’re probably going to end up arrested or sued, or both.
You did the right thing. I always try and deescalate a situation if I can. I boxed for 7 years and know how to fight. I like to fight and it is fun, but in a controlled environment. You never know what someone is capable of and/or if they have weapons. There are reasons to fight and someone talking shit isn’t one of them. If he put hands on you or your friends than you are defending yourself. If he is beating up a woman, child, or someone weaker than it is time to get physical. But words are only words. It is immature to get into a physical fight over some words.
I’m gonna be downvoted for this, but yes you were a pussy. That can be a good or a bad thing. You’re too scared to be in a confrontation, even though you did nothing wrong. Don’t worry, most people are.
But what are you going to do when someone threatens your child or your family? Are you gonna have the balls to do something about it, or freeze up and let yourself and family become victims?
You need to have some guts or you will get pushed around in life.
In this situation, you should have held your ground, recorded him, called the cops. You let him encroach and diminish your personal freedoms. That’s being a pussy. Maybe you were in rural Mississippi in the middle of nowhere, in which case my judgement call would have been to dip out because I wouldn’t have known where i was, or what kind of people i was dealing with. So being a pussy can also be a survival instinct.
So basically maybe it was the right call to pussy out, but you need to learn how to be tough. All the other commenters live in nice little neighborhoods and have probably never thrown a punch in their lives so they tell you that running away is the best move. But usually It’s not.
When you are confident that you can sufficiently protect yourself in the face of an aggressor, it shows in your body language. This makes you less likely to be targeted. Toughen yourself up, build some muscle. Learn some basic self defense. It’s worth it in the long run.
Yeah. Just because someone opens a door doesn’t mean you have to walk through it. Disinterest is a cheat code for other peoples bullshit. Dude probably left the house in a mood and wanted to place that before someone else’s day. No reason to indulge him.
Do you live outside of the United States? I can’t speak to other cultures but if it’s the U.S., you’re surrounded by idiots, plain and simple.
You’re not really winning anything by fighting. You don’t further want to involve the law in this. You just want to continue your life without these stupid issues.
If by “pussy” you mean highly desirable and I’d like to see more, then yes. If, for some reason, it means weak or scared, nope.
Not a pussy. Nobody knows how to fight these days, and you never know when someone is pulling a gun or a knife. Call me what you want, I have kids to go home to tonight.
No, de-escalation is the right choice.
Haha, nah, you’re good IMO, though lots of people wi say you’re not. It’s the mature and respectable thing to do. Fight when you must, run if you can. It’s just not worth it. And yeah, some people will call you a pussy and they are entitled to their views. Doesn’t mean you can’t live your truth.
no, people die from head injuries, fighting is stupid.
no dickhead is worth fighting over or for and especially not becoming a vegetable for the rest of your life.
You did the right thing
Kids fight, men resolve.
Faith teaches me that violence isn’t the answer to our problems. I’m not perfect, so I just try to do my best on this front. It doesn’t make you weak, it means you’re thinking.
Personal context…
I’m a pretty big army guy, with some ok training and can take a punch. I really don’t like to fight, for a few reasons.
Firstly, I’m a husband and a father. While I’d always defend them, I don’t want my kids to think violence is an acceptable way to resolve things. Similarly, I want my wife to trust me… Again I’m a big guy who can be scary. I don’t want her to worry I’ll resort to violence.
Secondly, it just causes more problems. Every physical conflict I’ve had just adds to the problems. Did I hurt them? Now I’m liable. Did they hurt me? Now I’m injured. What’s the social effect? Will I get in trouble at work? Lose friends?
Thirdly, you learn that it’s mostly your pride and embarrassment that makes you lash out. If you get comfortable with yourself, understand your weaknesses and failings, try to be better, then a lot of that pride and shame disappear. What’s someone going to do if I don’t want to fight? Call me a coward? Oh no’s!
Do everything you can to avoid a fight. Get trained in how to get out of one.
I’ve seen too many clips of fights breaking out where someone gets punched once and slams their head on the concrete. The body is more fragile than it appears. I think you should only fight as a last resort.
I am 35 years old. I have boxed since I was 8 years old including some competitions. I have been in exactly ONE singular fight outside the ring and it was in high school in defense of a friend who was getting picked on. Street fights have no rules and you’re likely to end up getting beaten, crippled, brain damaged, stabbed or shot if you choose to engage in one. Anybody who calls somebody who doesn’t want to fight a pussy is a straight moron.
Always try to de-escalate or move away from people who are looking for trouble.
You did the adult thing here. Nothing and no one is worth catching a case for. Unless the harm children or animals. This was just some ahole trying to act tough.
Not fighting is almost always the right choice
No one really wins in a fight man. I think the only time it’s ok to fight is if you’re fighting for your or a love ones life. Other than that it’s always best to avoid conflict if possible.
Street fights are no joke. A poorly angled, unprotected fall can be fatal. Even if it’s not you, that’s on your conscious for the rest of your life.
I trained in muay thai for ten years in both the UK in Thailand.
I avoid fights as much as possible.
I have far too much to lose — eg. a successful business and the freedom to live anywhere.
An assault conviction could wreck my ability to get visas for international travel.
Whereas that same conviction would have zero impact on some loser with no assets or prospects.
So I would lose vastly more than him.
And I would have to see that loser repeatedly, in court rooms.
Why bring someone like that into your life?
I just walk away and refuse to give my mental or physical energy to losers.
Getting in fights sucks, getting punched hurts, punching someone hurts. Been there done that. If someone attacks me or my friends I’ll throw down but I certainly have no interest in ever participating in a fist fight ever again. If all you are doing is talking shit I’ll throw it right back with the rest of them but I’m never throwing the first punch again.
I would have happily just said “go fuck yourself” to this guy till the end of time tho, fuck him.
No.
You’re smart for not taking a risk with basically no payout.
All it takes is for one wrong fall on a paved surface for you to really, hurt. Like, paralysis and brain damage hurt.
Or it takes the same for the other person and that can land you on jail.
This all assumes the fight doesn’t escalate with weapons coming out.
Brave and stupid can sometimes sit real close to each other.
I haven’t been in a fight since college and it wasn’t worth it then. We’re adults now – if they want to escalate and start a fight, let them, but walk away. If your friend doesn’t respect you enough to keep you out of harms way, then that’s a conversation you need to have.
I’ve avoided 99% of fights in my life and I’m 6’3” and 250 lbs. Why? Because either I kick the guys ass and still risk injury which sucks or I get my ass kicked which also sucks. It’s a lose-lose situation.
Check the ego at the door and save fighting for life or death situations heaven forbid that ever happen.
No.
This is only true for children who frankly don’t know any better and think that fights are like in the movies. Getting into a physical altercation is one of the worse decisions you can make in your life. When I was a kid, I got into multiple fights. I wouldn’t back down to any confrontation. Now, as a old man, I regret that I had this mindset. I have permanently injured my body over physical confrontations that could’ve easily been avoided.
I used to brag about all the fights I had. I would say, “I’ve fought more than 40 men” (saying this as a kid BTW). “I’ve been in over 44 fights.” “I’ve been in so many fights that I lost count. I stopped counting after no. 45”
Dumb.
I really regret this part of my life. Because it was all for nothing really. My body is permanently injured in many places over stuff that doesn’t matter. They can call you a pussy all they want, in 5 to 10 years it won’t matter.
Nobody really wins in a fight. The real winners are the ones who walk away from a fight. The ones who avoid getting into a fight. I had homies who got into a fight “won” and then got locked up, got jumped, had to move because of death threats, or worse. You did good. [+]
This sin’t worth fighting over.
The fight best had is the one avoided , you’re either going to get hurt or hurt someone else and end up with a criminal record possibly a prison sentence
But also defend yourself with extreme force if the need arises
You never want to escalate a fight that another guy wanted to start that you had no intention of starting in the first place.
Fighting a guy who wants to start a fight is almost always a bad idea.
I mean, I’d rather be called names than get into a fist fight in my 30s lol. I view strangers that do that stuff as insane people that if they get the upper hand in a 1 on 1 I could very well die, which I’m not exactly signed up for.
I’m not sure what country you’re in (you used the metric system “100m” so not an American!). I don’t know what your male culture is like. I know in some countries, aggression is the norm. However, I firmly believe that adults should always avoid a physical fight (unless it’s actual self-defense). Words, however angry, infuriating, hurtful and slanderous, are just words. And, you never know if the aggressor knows how to fight or is carrying a deadly weapon that they have no problem using against you.
Always talk your way out, back your way out, or run away. If that guy killed or harmed your friend, do you think everybody would just go, “he was/is a real man”? Nope.
Highly trained fighters will say they would choose to just run if a fight presented itself. It’s not worth finding out how unhinged a stranger is.
The odds of going to prison (or losing a substantial amount of money/debt avoiding) or being permanently injured are enormous. The risk couldn’t be clearer. The reward? If there is one ,its a very narrow window to find it. Its a glass you only break if it is really and truly an emergency and the only option.
Dont talk to strangers
The only time you win a fight is when you avoid it. You did the right thing.
You did the right thing. Any person trying to start a fight over nothing are not right in the head and could potentially kill you. I always like to remember others, people have murdered for less. So is your ego worth your life? Nah, never. I live in a state where there are more guns than people. Starting a fight with anyone is almost a death sentence.
Also be careful when de-escalating situations like that. You have to be quick but also careful. My sisters in law was out with friends, and his friends got into an altercation with another group. He was the one trying to prevent this and when shots were fired, he was the only one wounded and passed away. There are just so many people that died while trying to de-escalate things and it sucks when they’re the only victims.
Fighting is a last resort. I will avoid a fight at all costs unless left no other option. I am more than capable of fighting and winning.
This is not about heart, or as your friend so crassly put it, “being a pussy.” It is about creating the best outcome you can for as many as possible in any given situation . That, in my view, is how to win at life.
The best way to manage any conflict is to understand what and why while keeping options open, without allowing or creating harm. Avoidance is fear, aggression is often ego based. I struggle more with the ego side, which can cause me to be fearless.
You didn’t back.out of a fight. You just didn’t start one. Dude was being an ass, you confronted the fact that he was being an ass, and he backed down.
Fuck that guy.
Are you alive? Cause if you are alive that’s all that matters. I’ve seen people get shot or stabbed and bled out because they wanted to fight. The goal is to survive.
There is no reason in society to get into a physical fight. You’re always better walking away. To be honest in most states you have what’s called a “duty to retreat” which means you have a legal obligation to leave rather than engage in a fight. There are exceptions to this but if you can avoid the fight / if it’s possible to avoid the altercation you must or you’re actually held just as responsible as the person who started it.
A few, but uncommon, states even include a duty to retreat from your own home. Other states (most) have what’s called the castle doctrine which means you have no obligation to retreat from your own home. Some states have “stand your ground” laws which do not require a duty to retreat but they are not as common as duty to retreat – castle doctrine laws which are most common.
There is one state at least that allows legal mutual combat… Which is just very funny. If you see a cop you can just go up to him and tell him you and another dude are going to engage in mutual combat, and he won’t stop you. But both parties have to willingly decide to engage and you can surrender at any time. Any actions that could be seen as threatening life are illegal still in this situation = ex. The guy goes down and you literally kick him while he’s down = illegal even in mutual combat.
There’s always shitty people in the world. Only the people with low intelligence fight every person that offends them. Physical violence is rarely worth the effort. You sound mature to me and much more balanced mentally than that dude that heckled you.
Lol, no honor in barking back at the dogs in the street, my man.
Street fights aren’t like in the movies where all the guys stand in line waiting for their turn to exchange fists with you.
If someone randomly comes up to start a fight that means he has friends nearby, maybe even watching.
Smartest thing would be not to fight lol
I know two men, both big fuckin guys, both had kids, who were killed in fist fights. Both knockout punches that ended with their head cracking the ground.
Fighting is for dipshits.
No always avoid any physical altercation. There is too much uncertainty around the outcome thats its not worth it for you and the people around you. You only fight when you can’t run.
Only time your a pussy for backing out on a fight is if the dude is literally beating you or your family and you do nothing. If you can end any fight with just words it’s what you do. Even if he calls you names and calls you a pussy that’s ok. But once he gets physical with you or your family that’s when you go all out to stop him.
Not at all. Fights like that never have a real winner. Good on you for backing out.
Dude, seriously, you need to take a closer look at that attitude. You’re so scared of being called womanly, you’re legit second guessing walking away from a situation without resorting to violence over something meaningless. Do you really have so little respect for women that the thought of being called one is more painful than literally being beaten up?
You’re a real man. End of sentence. No one can take that away from you. Your friends can make themselves look like idiots if they really want to by doubting that. But your manhood isn’t something you need to defend.
I’ll let you in on a secret. Your friends are calling you a pussy because they’re scared someone is going to tell them they aren’t real men. Because they don’t respect women and don’t want to be called one. But your life is going to be so much easier if you can give up that attitude that your masculinity needs to be defended. It doesn’t. Especially here, because that was objectively the right call.
I was a wrestler and train bjj, u do not want to fight unless u have to. Ive broken someones arm on accident in a controlled environment and we were just flowing. Imagine going 100% on someone. Back out is always the option
Having seen people die in fights / receive permanent damage and know people shot over completely avoidable and scenarios, backing out is the safest option
Just about anyone who does combat sports (I do) who isn’t roided up or something will basically tell you the same thing. Walk away, no matter what. You flight to get to a point where you can remove yourself from the situation. Street fights are stupid with too many variables and absolutely no upside.
Confident people with skill are usually the people with nothing to prove.
Nah. Avoid fights if you can. Defend yourself if you must, and be prepared to do so. If retreat is an option that’s what you should do. It’s just not worth getting your head slammed on pavement for pride
Tell your friends to stfu or you will fight them. You made the right call. Ego isn’t worth assault charges, and potentially manslaughter if shit goes wrong and someone dies. It happens
I knew of a 6’2″-ish guy that’s dead from a 5-ish foot punk that took a swing, clocked him in the right place, and when the tall guy fell he hit his head hard and that was the end of his story.
What I mean to say is that controlled sporting environments, and media in general, does not accurately sell just how dangerous (and stupid, and random) fighting can be even if the intent isn’t lethal. It’s really really easy to get very injured or worse, and it’s very rarely worth it to square up with someone.
If you’re not in a serious situation where you need to defend another or yourself from harm you shouldn’t be fighting. There are always better ways. Fighting is the end of imagination.
I do aikido.
something we are repeated again and again is that in case of fight we must flee. the techniques we learned is to survive in he case we cannot flee.
your did the right adult thing. this guy could have a knife or a gun on him.
The only fight you should ever have is a last resort fight because you are being physically attacked and need to defend yourself.
In every other instance the wisest thing is to de-escalate, leave, even run if you have to.
Fights never end well and can have serious consequences legally, financially and physically. You don’t need that in your life.
No it doesn’t, any trained fighter will tell you that walking away or deescalating the situation is always the first move. If problem persists then a good beat down is required.
You win 100% of the fights you avoid.
When we strike with our fist, our heart hurts as well.
I ascribe to a masculinity in which violence is an absolute last resort. I also ascribe to one in which my own masculinity does not depend on other men approving of it, and one in which it’s just silly to even entertain ideas like a guy being a “pussy”, especially for not needlessly being violent.
You 1000% did the right thing. Consider this: you are posting about this incident to AskMenOver30, and not to AskALawyer or HospitalBills. Think of just how many ways escalating things could have gone wrong.
Nah. Keep the Culture of Dignity alive.
What’s up my guy. Veteran here (if it matters to you). I’ve seen a whole lot of bar fights, & I’ve been apart of a few as well. Almost every time someone ends up seriously injured or in handcuffs.
Fist fighting should be a last resort. Not an impulsive solution. It won’t end well for anyone. The only time you should consider laying your hands on someone else is if going to jail and losing your job is a small consequence given your situation, like you, or your family are in immediate danger. If you’re able to deescalate the situation- it’s proof that you made the right choice.
Head on over to /r/fightporn and watch all those dudes seize out after bashing their head on concrete. Not worth it, man.
Only reason to fight is if you or someone else is under extreme threat of physical harm and can not escape.
Other than that its just a really bad idea.