I met this person 20 years ago thru mutual friends & family. Since we met, I moved out of the country, got married, had a baby and moved back to the US. He was the first person I talked to in a romantic way after I split from my husband. We lived in different cities but talked nearly everyday and I ended up falling in love. But he never made me feel secure in whatever it was that we were doing. No commitment. No verbal assurance. It ended up taking a toll on me and I started resenting him, eventually cutting him off, which took a couple of years because he always reeled me back in. 2 years ago, I decided to move abroad again and shortly after found out I had breast cancer. I completed treatment last year and am traveling back to the US for a follow up mammogram a week from now which I’m very stressed out about. A couple weeks ago, he reached out to my sister and asked for my number. In a moment of weakness and wishful thinking, I okay’d my sister to give him my contact. He contacted me and told me that he’s lost several people including two grandparents and a cousin within the last year and felt compelled to tell me that he loves me and misses me. He had never told me that he loved me before, so I was taken aback. He called or text every morning and evening after that and we would talk for hours. Then last Friday while we were on a call, said that he was getting a call on the other line and would call me right back. Haven’t heard from him since.
I’m so pissed off at myself that I let him lead me on yet again. I just don’t understand why he reached out at all. Ego boost? I have enough stress and things going on that I can’t take it. I’m already stressed out enough about traveling to the US, seeing my oncologist and getting my mammogram results. I feel like I want to send him a final text to leave me alone forever but I also feel like I shouldn’t give him the satisfaction. What would you do? I just don’t get it at all and I hate being confused about him. Again. After it took so many years to move past him. Does he actually hate me or something? What is this shit?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
If I do decide to text him this is what I wrote out to tell him since he brought up several times that he was upset I never told him about my cancer diagnosis.
“A week from now I have a follow-up with my oncologist to see if I’m in remission or not. You don’t think you’ve done enough damage to me? I don’t have enough stress? I truly don’t understand your need to reach out and tell me lies. Next time you need an ego boost, find someone else.
If you really want to know why I never hit you when I was battling cancer, it’s because you have never provided an emotionally safe place for me. I knew you would be a disappointment, and I couldn’t handle that while I was trying to heal. I’m still healing, and I don’t have time or energy for anyone who continuously disappoints me.
Leave me the fuck alone. Don’t ever contact me again. Don’t even think about me.”
Who knows. He’s a jerk. You block and forget.