It reminded me of 2 of my own experiences that I haven’t thought about in years.
TLDR I think her husband did it in purpose and it wasn’t the first time.
I worked in a restaurant with a married couple, we were all in our early twenties, and they got married young because she needed visa. He was our managers and always put us on the same shifts. We all hang out outside of work and I’ve been to their house many times. They both shared that they didn’t know if their marriage was going to be forever but they were happy for now. They were both willing to try an open relationship because neither of them has explored much before getting married.
We all talked openly about everything. It felt like having two really close friends. I was comfortable with them both and honestly thought our friendship would last forever.
One night I was on the closing shift with the husband and he had a checklist on a clipboard to complete. For whatever reason he placed the clipboard on my thigh as I sat next to him. I’m like wtf man and laughed it off.
That was a start of him crossing my boundaries a little more each time. Over the next few weeks he got more handsy, either finding an excuse to touch me or asking me to get something from the store room, following me in there and then blocking my exit as a joke.
I never told the wife as none of it was serious and I also noticed she grew a bit distant.
It escalated when he tried to kiss me in the store room one night and I made it clear I wasn’t interested.
Then suddenly he changed my shifts so I never worked with the wife again and he also cut my hours. I told him I would have to leave the job if he kept doing that and he just shrugged. I then left the job and asked the wife out for a coffee. She refused to meet with me and till this day I don’t know why. I think he probably told her I hit on him.
The second thing was in my first office job there as a guy who instantly gave me the creeps, even thought he was a ‘nice guy’. He kept asking me out and finding excuses to come to my desk. He was very flirty but has been there longer than me so I just politely said I was busy whenever he gave me attention. Then another girl started and I just told her to be careful as he could be a bit intense. Occasionally I would share with her his behaviour. She just laughed it off.
I found out a year later they have been in a secret relationship since shortly after she started. She confided in me because they were moving in together and he proposed.
I just said congratulations. We went out for drinks later and I asked her if his behaviour to other women didn’t put her off. Apparently he was only flirting with me so that nobody would suspect they were together. Relationships were allowed in the office and there was no policy against it. After they announced their relationship he hit on me at a Christmas party and said he has wanted me ever since I started working there. I left early and he sent me a Snapchat calling me a bitch that’s just playing hard to get. I asked to switch teams but never told anyone why. He occasionally still messages me on LinkedIn and asks me for a coffee even though I don’t respond. It has been almost ten years and they are still together.
I think most of us have stories like this and it’s always the ‘nice guys’ that nobody would suspect. That’s why I don’t believe his excuse that he was drunk and unaware. Men do this, they test boundaries and escalate their behaviour.
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At my first job as a teen I worked with a guy that was nothing but a creep. Wouldn’t leave me alone or take no for an answer. When I wouldn’t give in to his advances he started being unreasonably mean to me to the point he was banned from my department and eventually fired for various reasons. During all of that I went to grab some food at the shop next to ours. A gal my age asked if I worked with the creep and if I knew anything about him as he had asked her out. All I said was “just be careful” took my food and left. A few days later the creep texted me a picture of my bedroom window and threatened to blow my parent’s house up if I ever said his name again.
Sometimes being a girls girl is dangerous. We have to do better for each other as women first, because some men will happily use the closest pick-me to create their own truth.
My first real office job, early 20s, worked for a very small company. Literally the 2 partner owners, me, and like 3 sales people. One partner kept patting my ass and making uncomfortable innuendos, nothing that wasn’t dismissed as harmless locker room talk. I still think about that decades later, how I didn’t know how to stand up for myself, also how no one else did.
In my early 20s I was invited to hang out by a long term friend with her bf, his roommate, and another female friend. I had known my friend and her bf for 5+ years at that point and we were just hanging out in their apartment so my guard was down and I was young and naive. The guys made us drinks while we chatted and watched tv. Before I even finished the drink the room was spinning and I could barely stand. I couldn’t figure out how the drink hit me so hard and what was going on. My friend got annoyed and accused me of faking being drunk for attention, then she, the other friend, and her boyfriend all left and asked the roommate to drive me home. It took me years to realize her bf helped drug me to ‘serve me up’ to his roommate, then planned for everyone else to leave so I’d be alone, incapacitated, with the creep. Choose the fucking bear.