my gf and I have been together almost 7 years now, I am absolutely in love with her, she’s my best friend and we have a blast spending time with each other. we’re both relatively active, fit, social people in our twenties who live together, and it feels to me like we should be having sex more often.
as mentioned, we have very very different sex drives. for the first year and a half or so, we were having sex pretty regularly (2-3 times per week). then covid happened, we had to spend a few months apart, and it hasn’t been the same since. now, it’s uncommon for it to happen more than once per month. and honestly, I think we both really enjoy the sex when we do have it, we’ve been together almost 7 years so we know each other’s likes, spots, preferences, etc. it’s just not happening very often.
to answer what might be an initial thought, we do talk about this together. a lot. and when we do, I think we’re able to have open, honest and productive conversations that leave us both feeling better. and to her credit, she really has tried her best to address this personally and also tries to jump on the urge whenever it comes up for her. but still, it’s been about 5 years of this with no real difference.
it seems like everything we’ve tried thus far hasn’t worked, it’s just the same thing over and over. she’s been on bc, she’s been off, nothing really changed. we go on dates, no difference. we stay in, same thing. we hang with friends, nothing. she doesn’t really feel comfortable having sex after drinking, so that doesn’t work. we’re very active people on vacation and get back to the room exhausted, so nothing there.
it just feels like we’re kinda stuck here now and it’s been this way for over 5 years. again, I absolutely love her and am committed to her long term. is this just a sacrifice I’m going to have to make? what else can I do?
TLDR; what can me and my gf do when we have very different sex drives and nothing seems to work to fix that issue
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Is she willing to take care of your needs even if she’s not in the mood to take care of her own, or is it “I’m not interested in sex so you don’t get any either”?
Id say the answer depends on who’s drive is higher, yours or hers
Id suggest seeing a therapist specializing in “dead bedrooms.” Ive heard theres an entire subreddit about it, but I’ve not looked. It would also be worth a shot for a medical check-up. Is she on any antidepressants? SSRI meds can mess with libido.
A sexless relationship doesn’t work in the long term, otherwise take a look at r/DeadBedrooms
Once a month or 12 times a year is technically a dead bedroom. After 7 years you need to understand that if you stay in this relationship it’s only going to get worse if you get married and have kids. If you break up she will find a new guy and fuck him 3 times a week until he’s stuck. It’s not sustainable to go another 50 years like this. Break up now.
Decide now if you can be happy living with a partner that basically doesn’t prioritizes sex and maybe intimacy either.
You don’t sound compatible sexually, you may build resentment by not having your needs met.
Hello.
Okay 7-27=20 years old approx. The thing I think it is could be medications that she is taking. The birth control pills can do this and other medications. Do she know if she changed the medications? It maybe a factor as some of them are hormone altering causing low libido. I know you are active and live that life style but the thing is if she is getting headaches a lot it can be from Vision or high blood pressure. My Mother-in-law is a tiny fit older woman and I would of never thought she would of faced a high blood pressure issue or problem. Next time you are near a pharmacy just use the blood pressure machine to check it. Check it 3 times and get an average. Sit for 1 minute before testing it too. Ask her to see a DR and get a hormone test to see if something is off. I assume the B12 is most likely okay. It also could be something on her side if you need to make her “O” first then you sex her. Maybe she needs to try to be on top or something new. There are some nifty adult toys now like couples vibrators and cock-ring vibrators see if she is open to that. Ask her if something is bothering her….. if she is thinking of what to feed the cat while having sex the flow of things may not happen on her end. Tell her to tell you faster or slower and what feels really good and so on if she has not done so already. I am 40 and honestly not in good shape the Wife and I have more sex then you guys at the moment. There are sex expos and sex classes be open minded and don’t be afraid to ask the sex expo people questions as they prob will have the answer.
— See Dr for hormone blood test