Whenever he gets a minor cold (no fever, just a runny nose) he acts like it’s the end of the world. He gets sick frequently, and I have caught a flu off him several times over the 12 yrs we’ve been together.
Today, I was making us breakfast and he walked into the kitchen and started an argument over the fact im not babying him enough. He said when he was growing up his mum always took such good care of him when he’s ill, then followed it up with “but I know you’re not my mother”. I told him Im just the kind of person that doesn’t let a common cold debilitate me, and I keep going unless I’m fully unable to and have to stay in bed.
He wouldn’t let me speak at points and kept shouting over me, at one point saying “if this is how you treat me how would you deal with a child who is sick?”. This stung, because we are trying for a baby. I was shocked and replied “are you trying to say I would be a bad mother?” And reminded him that HE is not a child. So Im not going to treat him like one! I also pointed out how he seems well enough to engage in an argument? Im standing here making him breakfast, did the laundry, did the dishes, done the grocery shopping. Im taking care of the home (whilst working a full time job) – what more does he want from me? I don’t know how to baby someone with a cold. I checked his forehead last night, no fever.
He then refused to have the breakfast I was making.
My question is – what form of babying would a man want in this situation? I really dont know how to do it.
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I could not have a child with this man. Imagine having gastro and looking after your child who also has gastro… and arguing with your husband because he accuses you of not caring enough about his indigestion that he swears could be gastro.
>My question is – what form of babying would a man want in this situation? I really dont know how to do it.
Generally when I’m sick I just want to be left alone to rest. The only thing I want from my wife is to pick up some slack with the household chores and kids, which it sounds like you’re doing.
Beyond that, ask him. Do it when he’s not currently sick, and try to have the conversation without belittling him or his feelings.
Ate you sure you could trust him with a baby? He seems like the type to get competitive
Funny he should say you’d be a bad mother because you won’t coddle him, but his behavior would not make him a bad father.
Gurl, seriously, think about this human being, as the father of your children; think about your child and this man sick at the same time.
Don’t subject a child to this – if this man is who you wanna spend your life with, that’s your choice to make, but don’t force a child to have to deal with this.
It sounds like you’re dealing with someone who expects constant care without recognizing what you already do, and it’s frustrating when they act like a child when they’re not even sick enough to stay in bed… have you considered setting clearer boundaries about how you can support them without losing your own sense of self?
“I know you are not my mother” – in his head, he wants you to be. He expects you to be. He wants to be treated like a sick child. I want to throw up.
“Well go back to your mother then!”
Imagine having a kid with this man.
Then you’ll have to take care of two kids.
53 year old man here, who VERY rarely gets sick (my wife is the one with the horrid immune system).
If I’m not feeling well, I don’t want any babying. I want to lay in bed, rest, and sleep it off. If I need something I can handle it.
Guess what, your husband can, too. What, does he want you to rub Vicks on his chest while singing Soft Kitty?
Tell him to call his mommy the next time he’s sick.
Considering how many times he’s been sick over a short period of time and shared it with you, I think he has a hygiene issue. Just by washing your hands you can avoid getting and sharing a lot of illnesses.