Hi everyone. I (33M) am in a relationship for 1 year and half with my partner (29M).
Some weeks ago, after I agreed to take part on a trip he wanted to do for some time, I asked if we could plan a trip to London, as it’s one of my favourite cities and it’s one of the few cities, reachable from where I live, where I could watch live theatre show, a big passion of mine.
He said after the trip we already planned will start the practices to get a passport, but in the meantime he is sending me videos and news about London, commenting things like “we are gonna be in a dictatorship”, “such a nice city indeed” in a sarcastic way, and “UK goes against (insert a personal belief of mine here)”.
I’m not answering to any of this stuff, but is lately getting on my nerves. I too see news about the place he wants to go that make me not feel the safest, but I’m not sharing any of those because:
1) I know he knows about that stuff
2) I don’t want to be immature going eye for an eye.
I’ve been more than 5 times to London, I know it’s flaws, but I also get to experience something I don’t get to experience a lot in the place where I live, that is theatre and musicals.
We already had a conversation last week on how he is “bringing me down” on a lot of stuff that brings me joy, or simply I find fun, and I told him that I moved away from my hometown because I had a family that uses to cut my excitement for things I cared or I enjoyed, and I didn’t need anyone in my life that would do the same, but yet, here we are.
Any suggestions on how to handle this situation?
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I think he doesnt mean anything bad with that. If you feel like he is putting you down then only way to solve that is communication. You might be a bit overreacting over those videos but explain it to him that you dont like it.
That’s really hard. Not my bf, but someone I knew was always complaining about something. Did not seem to matter what.
It’s exhausting.
I would really think about if you want to spend your life with someone like that. I got in small doses. But everyday I think would have killed me.
When you visit another country you’re supposed to be on your best behavior anyway. So if he can’t resist posting incendiary things to social media for the duration of the time he’s in London he probably just shouldn’t go on this trip. It is a fact that the West End of London has higher than historic crime rates. But it’s also a reality that being very aware of your surroundings and taking precautions can usually ensure a safe visit. If he’s just too risk averse to visit London he can just stay behind.
“Fine, I get it; you don’t want to go, and I won’t make you. But I’m also not spending the rest of my life never going back, so I’m going to need you to drop the scaremongering and either explain what this is really about or accept that we won’t be planning all of our vacations together.”
You said he’s not a complainer, but you also say you’ve already had a conversation on how he brings you down about a lot of stuff you enjoy. Presumably that means London is not the first thing he’s been negative about?
He is being selfish and you should talk to him because he need to realice that and I would want an apology…. It’s ok if he is not as exited as you are to go, every city has its problems, but you are going there for a reason and to experience a part of it, every travel will have it’s issues but the most important thing it’s the attitude you bring and how you face this issues (when traveling) he is clearly trying to get you to abandon the plan and it will only get worst once you are there he needs to understand that you need him to be supportive and have a positive attitude. At the bare minimum to be honest and stop trying to ruin it for you…. He could just tell you “I hate it there and I don’t want to go” not saying that is ok and it would not bring consequences, but being a kid and just attacking the place for all those random reasons it’s really immature…..
I doubt he’s going to be much fun on the trip. If you want to go, don’t let him delay you by dragging his heels on the passport. I’d also think about the messages he’s saying when he is derisive about your interests (theatre), and how that compares to the way he usually shows up for you.
Sounds like he’s fallen prey to the right wing propaganda that London is a fallen city with no go zones or whatever. BS not worth listening to.
Where do you live?
Dude is falling for right-wing propaganda.
The uk has its issues. There are concerning things happening. However its perfectly safe for you to visit and go to the west end and the tourist spots.
Address it with him. If he refuses to accept that he’s falling for propoganda then you should rethink some things.
I live in the UK, I travelled down to London recently to see some foreign friends who had come here for a week. They were to see a musical and everything, and had a lovely week – they stayed in a private room at a hostel.
Your partner doesn’t want to go, so either go alone or with a friend, adventuring alone can be good too. He doesn’t get to bring you down – if he won’t stop trying to then he doesn’t need to be in your life.
Why torture yourself by being in a relationship with someone who is constantly “yucking your yum”?
Go by yourself 😅 London is also my favourite city
People who think London is bad fall into a few broad categories, all of them stupid and bad. Bad times brother.
Anyone who hates London that much gives me racist vibes
Where is he from? There is absolutely crazy racist bullshit about London happening at the moment because the city has a Muslim mayor. I’ve been informed by so many people that East London, where I have worked for 21 years, is a no go area for white people. I’m a ginger who burns when looking at a lightbulb, so this is news to me.
My boyfriend did exactly this for my trip, and it completely ruined our holiday. It made me miserable and sad, and I vowed to never go on holiday with him again. If he doesn’t want to go, go yourself. I live in London and it’s a beautiful city, don’t listen to your boyfriend and enjoy your trip
Likely he doesn’t want to spend money. So he believes he can persuade you to renounce a trip to London.
If he is tight on money or doesn’t agree otherwise he needs to communicate more clearly what he wants.
Of course he is entitled to say no, but he shouldn’t do so by practising vague tactics. They won’t work, as I assume you still want to go.
Since he is unable to communicate ask him a direct question: “do you want to go to London?”
Let’s see what his answer is and from there you can see if you can work something out with him or whether you need to go on your own (with friends).
Anyways London is definately worth a visit.
As a Brit often in London I am wondering what his issue with the city is?
If he won’t go, I suggest you go yourself. I go to London solo often as a woman and am fine, it’s a great city with so much to offer. Don’t miss out on it because of an ignorant boyfriend!
If I can give you any London tips please ama! I will be there again next week for a few days even.
Also, if a guy is consistently putting you down or laughing at things you like and enjoy, that is asshole behaviour and is often seen in those who abuse their partners in the time to come…..
There’s nothing wrong with London.
Typing this while living in London, come visit.
In what way does he think it’s a dictatorship?