Long time lurker. I’ve been expecting this for a long time, my nmom and I have had a strained relationship that got worse when my partner and I came out to her (my partner is a trans woman). Nmom didn’t take it well initially, but I thought we had reached an uneasy peace where I just didn’t bring it up much, and she used the correct name for my partner.
Unfortunately, a year later, she started slipping in my partners deadname randomly next to her actual name. I politely corrected her thinking she had gotten confused. She proceeded to do it again almost immediately.
I was less polite this time, thinking she must be misunderstanding how disrespectful this is, surely she’s not doing it to purposefully hurt me, but of course she was. Now that the mask was off, she decided to tell me that she believes her inability to understand being trans gave her the right to use the wrong name, regardless of weather or not it makes me uncomfortable. She also is fine with not having a relationship with me because using a deadname over and over again is more important to her.
It’s just a bummer to watch someone spit in my face after I gave her chance after chance. I endured long conversations where she never asked how I was or expressed any interest in my life, all so we could pretend to have a happy family. I excused her behavior when she threw my coming out letter on the ground and stormed off with a “oh it’s just a big change.” I could have dropped the rope a long time ago. I guess I’m just coming to terms with how much time and energy I’ve wasted.