My father is moving abroad in about a month. I moved out of his place years ago and have been busy lately, so I haven’t been able to help him pack or anything. Every now and then, he’ll ask me to help “in small ways.” Whenever I can, I do.
Recently, he asked me to either employ his former maid or recommend her services to someone I know. She’s an older woman who worked at my father’s apartment for 10 years and has grandchildren, so he wants to help her find someone else to work for. He didn’t get any luck, which is why he came to me.
I’ve chosen not to do either of the things my father asked for two reasons. The first is that I don’t need a maid. My husband and I live in a much smaller apartment, which we don’t have too much trouble keeping clean. We have a toddler, so we’re not really focusing on tidiness right now, but a maid still feels like a luxury, rather than a need.
Secondly, I never thought my father’s maid was good at her job. Back when I lived with my father, most of the place itself always looked clean, but it almost never really was.
She’d never wash the cutlery or dishes properly, and I’d find bugs in the drawers due to the leftover food. She neglected a lot of the laundry, and some of our clothing would go missing due to that. She’d throw food away without asking, rearrange things she’d been told not to and criticize the way me and my younger sister would decorate our rooms. She also declared one day she’d stop washing my and my sister’s underwear because one of us had “bled on it” (understandable, but neither of us were on our periods the week she told us that).
None of that ever really bothered my father because the apartment always looked tidy, he hardly ever cooked and he wouldn’t realize his clothes were missing until he found them (plus she was always a bit more careful with his things). I noticed it very early on, but since I wasn’t the one paying her, I didn’t interfere. According to my sister, those conditions continued after I moved out.
I’m not saying she was awful, but I wouldn’t recommend someone for a job if I didn’t think they were great at it. Most importantly, I wouldn’t tell my friends to hire her.
I told my father I couldn’t recommend her to anyone because of all of the above. He said I was being petty and cruel, and that since she helped our family for 10 years, this is the least I can do to pay her back.
My husband’s on my side, but I do understand how this could be seen as cruel. My father is still upset.
AITA?
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My father is moving abroad in about a month. I moved out of his place years ago and have been busy lately, so I haven’t been able to help him pack or anything. Every now and then, he’ll ask me to help “in small ways.” Whenever I can, I do.
Recently, he asked me to either employ his former maid or recommend her services to someone I know. She’s an older woman who worked at my father’s apartment for 10 years and has grandchildren, so he wants to help her find someone else to work for. He didn’t get any luck, which is why he came to me.
I’ve chosen not to do either of the things my father asked for two reasons. The first is that I don’t need a maid. My husband and I live in a much smaller apartment, which we don’t have too much trouble keeping clean. We have a toddler, so we’re not really focusing on tidiness right now, but a maid still feels like a luxury, rather than a need.
Secondly, I never thought my father’s maid was good at her job. Back when I lived with my father, most of the place itself always looked clean, but it almost never really was.
She’d never wash the cutlery or dishes properly, and I’d find bugs in the drawers due to the leftover food. She neglected a lot of the laundry, and some of our clothing would go missing due to that. She’d throw food away without asking, rearrange things she’d been told not to and criticize the way me and my younger sister would decorate our rooms. She also declared one day she’d stop washing my and my sister’s underwear because one of us had “bled on it” (understandable, but neither of us were on our periods the week she told us that).
None of that ever really bothered my father because the apartment always looked tidy, he hardly ever cooked and he wouldn’t realize his clothes were missing until he found them (plus she was always a bit more careful with his things). I noticed it very early on, but since I wasn’t the one paying her, I didn’t interfere. According to my sister, those conditions continued after I moved out.
I’m not saying she was awful, but I wouldn’t recommend someone for a job if I didn’t think they were great at it. Most importantly, I wouldn’t tell my friends to hire her.
I told my father I couldn’t recommend her to anyone because of all of the above. He said I was being petty and cruel, and that since she helped our family for 10 years, this is the least I can do to pay her back.
My husband’s on my side, but I do understand how this could be seen as cruel. My father is still upset.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I decided not to help my father’s former maid find a new employer, mostly because I didn’t think she was good at her job. I’m conflicted because I get how this could be seen as petty, and I made this decision based solely on my experience. Also, my father asked for my help and I’m refusing.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA…You don’t need to pay her back–she was paid for her work. If your father is so concerned, he can keep trying, or even keep paying her. The bottom line is that none of this is any of your responsibility.
NTA. She’s not your responsibility. If your father wants to help her find new employment, he can write her a stellar reference.
NTA She didn’t “help” your family out of the goodness of her heart, she was an employee. And by your telling, a substandard one. Why should you risk your good reputation with friends by recommending someone for a job who is bad at it? Tell your father you don’t need a maid, and neither does anyone else you know. You “tried”.
NTA. She was paid and didn’t do a good job.
NTA – but…, you could have just told your dad you don’t know anyone requiring a maid at this time and left it at that. Tell your dad to give her a reference and send her to an agency that employs maid services. They can find her a job.
NTA, recommending someone for a job you don’t think they’re good at just to be nice helps no one. It’s not petty to be honest.
If he’s so concerned he could give he 5,000 to tide he over until she finds a new job
NTA
2 it is nice to help someone you care for and respect – that is what your dad is doing because HE cares for and respects her. YOU, however, cannot in good conscience, recommend her because of quality of her work. And you don’t employ someone to do a job you are fine doing yourself. You are not a charity.
So feel comfortable in your decision. You don’t owe it to your dad to do for him the favor he would like to do for her. It is too big an ask from him.
If you don’t need a maid and can’t genuinely recommend her work, you’re not wrong to say no it’s better than setting someone up for a bad hire.
NTA. A recommendation is basically putting your name on someone’s work, and if you don’t believe she did a good job, it’s fair not to. Helping someone doesn’t mean vouching for something you can’t stand behind… especially when it could affect your own credibility
If your dad wants to help her, that’s his choice. But your integrity matters, you can’t lie for his sake. NTA
NTA. You can tell your father simply that if you encounter somebody who needs a maid, you will mention that his maid is available, and leave it at that.
NTA, if you honestly believe she is not good at her job then don’t give your endorsement. If you did recommend her to someone then it comes with the implication that you think she is a good fit. It would look bad on you.
NTA……all you had to say was ” Sorry , I don’t know anyone.”
You didn’t have to say she was terrible at her job.
NTA If your father wants to help her, he should help her, not you.
NTA she wasn’t helping, she was getting paid to do a job.
NTA. She didn’t help the family out at all. She had a job that she scraped by at.
NTA
Nta. None of that matters. Not your circus not your monkeys.
NTA. And just tell your dad that none of your friends is looking for a maid of her caliber right now. Absolutely true.
NTA …
white lie time… ‘no one was interested, sorry’
NTA – she didn’t “help the family”, she was a half-assed employee.
If she has worked for him for 10 years, most people would give her a nice severance package.