I am still so annoyed over this interaction.
I was on a second date with a guy and somehow politics came up. I basically said something like “I’m not a single issue voter but overturning Roe v Wade pushed me over the edge”.
He said that was understandable and that he was pro-choice too. But he then went on a long rant about how abortion rates haven’t fallen at all and that it is “simple and easy” to get an abortion in a red state still.
I called bullshit and he pulled the whole “you wouldn’t know, you’ve lived in blue states your whole life. I actually lived down south so I know” card.
I tried reasoning with him. I said even if there are clinics that will still perform them, the VAST majority do not and most people would not know that, and would not be “shopping around”, especially in emergency situations.
He chalked it all up to me being basically ignorant and not knowing what I’m talking about which infuriated me. He said since it’s illegal there is no proof to back up anything he “knows to be true”. He even had the nerve to say, “I lived down south so this hits close to home for me”. I quipped back, “I had an abortion so this also hits close to home for me”. That immediately shut him up, thank god.
Suffice to say I blocked him afterwards. But it’s had me thinking. There is no possible way he is even remotely correct, right? Any southern ladies care to chime in? I’d like to know more. Thank you!
Comments
Medical/pill abortions are readily available by mail (thank goodness). But some people need surgical abortions. Including people who knew they were pregnant, but can’t scrape together money for the termination soon enough, and then they’re in their 2nd trimester still wanting an abortion… it’s a nightmare. All of those people need to find housing, transportation, etc. Regardless of accessibility, those states are still exerting unreasonable control over our basic healthcare. That’s reason enough to be angry. He missed the point by skimming over that…
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/jun/22/kat-cammack-republican-florida-abortion-law-ectopic-pregnancy
A Florida Republican congresswoman had difficulties getting an abortion to deal with an ectopic pregnancy. This is what they wanted.
Ummm did he forget the women who died and they forced her corpse to carry a baby?
Women have died or faced life threatening complications bc of the law. Women have gone septic bc doctors won’t abort a dead fetus.
Don’t waste time on these men. He obviously thinks women were second class citizens and doesn’t care about them so why bother with men like that? Plus conservatives are trying to block mail in pills so it may get even harder.
Not prochoice just a guy who would say anything to get in your pants. He is parroting republican talking points. You dodged a bullet.
Clinics are not easy to access in red states. Frankly, they weren’t trivial to access before Roe v Wade fell.
What has changed from when Roe was originally passed is the wide availability of medical abortion. It’s very difficult to control access to the medicines, and even places like Brazil have noticed that abortion bans aren’t doing what they used to.
That said, at a deeper level, men underestimate how impactful every single thing in women’s reproductive health is. It’s hard to get abortions, hard to get healthcare for pregnancy, hard to get an IUD in. It’s all harder than it needs to be, I happen to think men assuming things are easy is a big part of the root cause.
>”I basically said something like “I’m not a single issue voter but overturning Roe v Wade pushed me over the edge”.”
I hate the way you responded. So until the Roe v. Wade decision you were supporting Republicans? Here you are, looking for support from likely liberal women while not supporting us publicly. You reap what you sow.
I live in the South, and no he’s completely wrong. Currently we have so many women traveling out of state to get abortions if they have the money and ability to do so, and also so many women having major problems if they have a miscarriage and treatment is refused unless they’re at the edge of death (which means sometimes it’s too late and they do die). I know someone affected by this, and she’s lucky to have survived, but has major trauma from what she went through.
Georgia refused a brain dead woman an abortion and forced her to deliver. Florida denied a Republican congresswoman, Kat Cammack an abortion for an ectopic pregnancy which would have killed her. Until she called her friend the governor for an exception. The selfish pig.
At best that guy is an idiot. At worst, he is not pro-choice at all and is pretending so he can get dates with liberal women to “break them”. Which is a real thing loser conservative men are doing these days.
He may now people who have gotten pills through the mail or traveled to other states. Those options do exist. But that doesn’t negate the fact that 1 there is a legal risk and 2 some people won’t be able to access those options and 3 all of that does you no good if you have a medical emergency with a wanted pregnancy and need to terminate quickly to save your life. Every barrier you put to accessing a service disenfranchises more people who are likely already disenfranchised in other ways. The fact that some people in red states can still access abortion doesn’t mean everything is fine and the problem is overblown. It is still the least privelaged who will find it more difficult or impossible to access services.
Holy god what a fucking idiot.
He has no idea what he is talking about and I would take it as a serious insult for him to even pretend to know what women are facing.
I know far too much about what is happening in Texas, and that’s just ONE state.
So No. He is not remotely correct. Meanwhile if you can, support the cause. Donate, get out the vote, something. Don’t let dicks like him control because they almost certainly do.
It is. If you’re super wealthy. These bans are, and have always been, on the poor.
He is remotely correct that abortions are still happening. The elephant in the room that he’s conveniently ignoring is that sketchy abortions are nightmare fuel.
Incidentally, he’s provided the ideal counterpoint; that banning abortions hasn’t stopped them from happening, just made them much less safe with much more risk.
Don’t waste time reasoning with these types. They either actually understand and don’t care, using it as an excuse to be dickheads, or wilfully ignorant. Either way, blocking is the only thing to do here.
He is just dumb. He probably has seen one or two people he knows be able to get it and thus made a conclusion that since it is doable it must be easy.
Since he has never been pregnant himself he has absolutely no idea how devastating it is to be jumping through hoops at the time when a person is already super vulnerable, going through lots of physical and emotional challenges and is also on the clock where each passing day makes the process harder and brings closer the deadline after which it is impossible.
So many people couldn’t get the help they needed just because the medical stuff was not supportive enough. Because pregnancy is not the time when people have the capacity to fight against the pressure. The idea that this is the time when it is “easy” to seek loopholes to get illegal procedure is just insane.
70% of the abortions in New Mexico, are given to residents of Texas. Im sure people just adore spending money to travel to a different state when it’s just sooooo easy to get an abortion in their home town (hint: it is not).
If you need an abortion, and cannot get one in your state, call The New Mexico Reproductive Health Hotline – at (833) 767-3776.
Hours of operation are 7:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m., Mountain Standard Time (MST), Monday – Friday and 10:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m. MST, Saturday and Sunday..
Another good resource, is Faith Roots Reprodictive Action fund, a coalition of religious leaders who support women’s access to abortion. if you need help paying for an abortion in New Mexico, and/or prefer more religiously informed assistance, call their Patient Helpline: 505.398.1010
https://www.faithrootsrepro.org
More women nearly bleeding to death is not a good sign https://www.propublica.org/article/texas-abortion-ban-miscarriage-blood-transfusions
It’s easy and simple if one has plenty of money and resources. Then they can be arrested if law enforcement finds out.
If you want to risk going septic and dying maybe.
I’m old enough to know women who could never have children because of a botched illegal abortion before Roe v Wade.
You did right blocking him.
But statistics are available! Not by measuring the number of illegal abortions– which, yes, would be under-reported for obvious reasons.
Since abortion bans, red states have had rising numbers of births, rising numbers of maternal mortality, and rising numbers of infant mortality. The difference between those numbers for when abortion is vs isn’t available can reasonably be attributed to people who would have had an abortion but could not. Pregnant people in states with abortion bans are around 2x as likely to die as those in states with no abortion bans.
If abortion were just as accessible as before, there would be no change in these numbers.
Not only is illegal criminalized abortion care hard to access, but LEGAL reproductive care is harder to access in red states as well! This crime against humanity by antisocial Republicans is very well documented and extremely alarming. Clinics that provided legal abortion care also provided an enormous amount of gynecological care, often to poor and underserved communities. Since they’ve shut their doors no providers have stepped in nor state funding provided to close the gap. Moreover Ob/gyns and other doctors have left red states in large numbers because they cannot condone the immoral acts they’re being required to perform nor the intolerable working conditions. Those left behind either cannot fight back or agree with dehumanizing medical care for women, therefore a woman in a red state is now statistically more likely now to have a gynecologist or doctor who is sadistic or incompetent as they thrive in that environment and therefore very likely to deny needed services.
“Not republican” but parrots all their talking points. Sounds right.
Uh huh. So how many abortions has he personally had then? Since he is so knowledgable in them.
It wasn’t “easy” getting an abortion in a red state for me before Roe was overturned back in 2019. My state only had one provider, which was several hours out of my way, it wasn’t cheap, and there were protesters screaming in my face. Disrespectfully, fuck that dude.
Abortions have actually increased over 10% since abortion access was limited (2023 vs 2020). States without bans saw their numbers increase 26% as took in travelers from states with restrictions. So he’s an idiot, and probably couldn’t handle being wrong even if you were able to bring data.
https://www.guttmacher.org/2024/03/despite-bans-number-abortions-united-states-increased-2023
What was even his point? That it’s ok it’s illegal because it’s not really? Or that it’s wrong for people to break the law?
Also exactly WHEN did he live in the South? This just happened like 2 years ago and it sounds like he doesn’t live there now. So for the 6 months he maybe lived there, how many women were close enough to him to admit breaking the law, exactly?
They just really studies about Texas where it shows that not only did infant mortality rates but also mother mortality rates have risen after the ban
Living in a red state myself when Roe was overturned I can say that, it is NOT easy to get an illegal abortion in TX. 1) TX passed a law in 2021 (SB8) that allowed any private citizen to bring forth a lawsuit on anyone who performed or aided/abetted in an abortion, even though abortions were still legal up until the federal gestation age. Anecdotally, some Central TX OBGYNs were quietly referring their patients out of state for pregnancy testing if they were aware that the pregnancy would result in termination. The fear of a lawsuit was enough for providers to remain cautious of what actions would impact their livelihood. Additionally, fear that medical records that showed a positive pregnancy test would be leveraged against the HCP fueled the referrals out of state. You just couldn’t trust your friends, neighbors, doctor’s office staff, or anyone for that matter.
2) #1 was being used to sue people who left the state for care. The onus was on the defendant to prove they hadn’t received an abortion.
3) Illegal abortions aren’t something you just text out to your mom group – see #1 and think about the absolute trash human who would throw a husband, doctor, uber-driver, etc under the bus for $10k. You needed to fully trust those people and that they wouldn’t use it against you. Anyone who’s lived in the south and interacted with southerners knows that their “nice” can be surface level. They’re nice to your face, but may stab you in the back.
4) as many women know, many terminations are considered medically necessary even though the pregnancy was wanted. Fetal abnormalities, ectopic pregnancies, severe danger to life/health if mother are just a few reasons why an HCP (in any other medically sane state) would suggest termination. Some of these can wait for the clandestine groups of aunties to help you with lodging, food, and transportation for you. Some require emergency intervention that cannot wait, but you’re forced to because of state laws.
5) many of TXs hospitals are privately owned, which means that doctors can’t move forward without approval from the hospital itself. If the faceless, greedy, inhumane company decides it’s too much of a liability for them, they will refuse care. We’ve seen and heard about these stories over and over again about women bleeding out in a parking lot waiting for their condition to worsen, women being sent home to wait for their fetus to die inside of them, women who had raging infections because the fetus was allowed to die inside of them, and women who received care at the last possible minute, survived, but lost all ability to conceive and carry another child.
Put these all together and you have the perfect fear machine without even overturning Roe. Without Roe, a functioning judicial system, over funded “law enforcement”, and the almost zero reasonable, logical, empathetic adults in state and federal government and you have an oppressive system in place for forced births, skyrocketing maternal and fetal death rates, healthcare providers who won’t/can’t provide care, and unwanted children forced to live in a hostile environment.
You are smart to block this absolute tool. Do not believe what he says.
The general young man doesn’t know anything about the female reproductive system and we should not believe anything they try to tell us about our own bodies and experiences.
Could he be really confused ? Maybe he was thinking pharmaceutical abortion, since the drugs are still being shipped across state lines? And he misunderstood how easy it is to get the drug in a red state (not “easy and simple” IMO).
There’s so much misinformation in the news media nowadays. And social media is a hot mess of reposts, propaganda, and AI slop.