A few years ago I let a good friend stay with me as they were facing homelessness (I own the house). It’s not the length of time that is the issue, if they were working and helping out with bills that would be fine. But they haven’t gotten a job, I’ve sent them job postings and they say they are applying. In all this time though they have only had one interview. I can’t afford to support two people much longer.
Like they help a bit around the house. They’ll load the dishwasher, vacuum once a week and sometimes make dinner. But that’s about it. I have to work 50+ hours a week when my job offers overtime to pay the bills, and then still do a ton of the housework. I take care of the litter boxes, do the grocery shopping, do a lot of the cleaning, yardwork, take out the trash, scrub the shower etc.
They’re loud. They make random noises and talk to themselves. I struggle to fall asleep as they will just be in the other room laughing to themselves while they watch videos. They make messes and don’t clean up after themselves for days. If I try to talk to them about anything they’ll just break down crying. They are so clingy, and I feel like I’m not even allowed to go for a walk by myself as they will cry. I’m losing it and getting so angry.
I know I need to kick them out, but how can I? How can I make a friend homeless? I don’t know what to do. How can I escape this? I know if I do kick them out my friend group will ostracize me and I’ll be left alone.
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Tell your friend group one of them can host the freeloader then. If they haven’t saved for their own place after 3 years, you need to evict them.
You need to talk with them about this. Say it directly with them and be honest about it.
Be honest. Say you can’t afford it anymore, you are overworking yourself and soon won’t be able to pay for their living expenses. A true friend won’t let you hurt yourself to support them. Give some months give them a few months to prepare, make a plan, and stick to it. Don’t go back on your word when the time limit comes!
Also, talk to your friends, see if any of them can allocate this person for a few months, or can help pay their expenses. Good luck!
Seek help from these “friends”
Just be honest. You simply can afford it anymore.
Your not going to kick them out on the streets right away.
But you need to set a hard deadline for when they need to go.
If that was my Friend.
I’d simply say. I can’t afford this lifestyle anymore and im going to be taking a break.
You need to be out in next 2 months. Ill do what can to help you find a new place.
If that’s really your friend they will understand.
If not then they was just using you and not really a friend.
Me and my best friend was ready to kill each after a week of living together.
He started getting paranoid. Thinking I was trying to take his girlfriend lol.
That’s crazy you made it 3 years.
Unwelcome guest is way to comfortable. So…
Another idea. Hire a security guard to move in…temporarily. Use a signed agreement with the guard and when unwelcome guest comes home, they will find security guard (in full gun-toting regalia) lounging on their bed. Unwelcome guest does not need to be privy to the fine print Of the new lease.
You and the security guard may want sift through personal property.
unwelcome guest may want to reconsider living arrangements. Because, according to the lease, new security guard is ‘paying rent’ . Unwelcome guest is not entitled to private accommodation.
to bad. So sad.
A friend doesn’t take advantage of a friend. I’m in a situation where I needed my best friends help many times. However I kill myself working 7 days a week and doing doubles to better my situation and get to a point one day of being able paying that back. If a friend provided me a home, paying some bills is the first courtesy any guest should provide especially when given a chance. You can’t afford it and you are feeling taken advantage of. Either they get to work and give you a break or they can kick rocks.
This is not your friend. They are exploiting your kindness and generosity. You are not making a “friend” homeless, their inaction is. Give them a timeline (e.g., 30 or 60 days) and tell them to be out. Three years is bonkers.
Since they are considered a non-paying roommate you may need to file to evict at your local courthouse. You do not need to pay them any money to leave. Maybe $200 max if that is affordable.
Give them 30 days notice and a list of homeless shelters, or city services like the local Counsel of Governent. They may have programs they can apply for housing etc.,
It may surprise you how resourceful they are when they realize the grift is up.
Since they have lived there so long and gotten mail there you will likely have to serve an eviction notice.
As i read your info- 3 years not being able to get a job, random noises and the clingy– this sounds ike serious depression. Talk this over with your in common friends as an eviction notice is going to tip this woman to serious upsettedness. Support will be needed.
Youre not the reason they will end up homeless they are. Homes aren’t free, apparently yours is for them, but not forever. I can’t believe its been 3 years. Ya you should be angry, at yourself for getting walked on like a carpet. Why are you doing this to yourself?
If you really care give them a chance and a deadline with clear expectations of what they need to do, or get the f**k out.
Looks like they have multiplied.
Few options, talk to your friends and say you can’t financially afford to keep them in your house as you are paying for 2 people does anyone have any ideas? I saw another post about an eviction I don’t know the law so they might have squatters rights, so look into that. Tell your friend directly they have 30 days to find a job as you can’t afford to pay for them anymore (exaggerat a bit if you need to but don’t flat out lie). Could you talk to your friends parents? They might be able to offer them somewhere to stay. Good luck xxx
Tell them they have 60 days, and unfortunately this is probably going to cost you money to legally evict them.
Just keep a good paper trail. When you friend group criticizes you, you can show them the proof.
“I gave them a place to live and food for 3 years.They did nothing to better their situation.
I gave them job postings to get a job. They did nothing.
I asked them to help around the house, they did nothing.
I gave them 60 days notice. They did nothing.
Then I had to pay to have a lawyer legally evict them.
That is all on them.
If you think I’m wrong, then you take them in for 3 years. I’m tired of putting my life on hold to host a parasite. If you have a problem with this…go f*ck yourself.”
You’re to concerned with your friend’s opinions of you. Why aren’t they stepping up to help this friend?
That’s not staying, that’s squatting.
Your comments make me think that now YOU’RE the one being mentally and verbally abused?? It’s time for YOU to leave instead. Go get some help from your family,your pastor, or your parents and an attorney. You are not strong enough to take care of your own needs at this point. Instead of taking responsibility for the situation you created, you blame it on this parasite feeding off of you like a vampire. (Never, EVER invite a vampire into your home!!) I’ll bet you’ve even given this parasite a few ultimatums too. To even care what your “friend group” thinks??? That’s sad. Admit that you’re weak to someone who actually cares about you and do not go back to your house until you’re strong enough to put them out. You can’t hurt people like this! They’ll just keep cockroaching to the next victim.
Do not set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm
Send the the local shelter address that would get my ass in gear.