I, F 50’s, planned my dream vacation & excitedly told a friend (f, 50s) about the trip. She said “oh, i’m totally inviting myself.” I froze. I didn’t know what to say because I don’t want her to come.
In the past, she has invited herself on numerous other occasions and always ruins it for me. I’ve never told her that though.
Maybe I’m being selfish, but this is a trip I’ve been dreaming about since I was a child and her being there will ruin the experience for me.
I’ve known her for over 25 years, we work together, I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I do not want to travel with her.
How do I tell her that?
A friend invited themselves on my vacation. I don’t want her to come. What do I do?
r/Advice
Comments
Just make up a little lie or something
Just tell her she can go there if she wants but you’re planning a solo vacation and already have your stuff planned out and weren’t expecting company. Maybe offer to catch dinner or spend 1 day of the vacation together as a compromise
Just say what you’ve said to us. You don’t have to tell her that she ruined everything but that you didn’t want to hurt her feelings in the past but sometimes you just want to go on a trip alone.
You’re not selfish you’re protecting something that means a lot to you. Just tell her gently:
“I’ve actually been planning this trip as a personal getaway I really need for myself. I hope you understand it’s something I’ve always wanted to do solo.”
You can be firm and kind at the same time.
Say she can come if she pays for the entire trip. Lol
Put your foot down and say no. Tell her the truth, you want to go alone. You’re in your 50’s and not getting any younger. Time to speak up.
Tell her you’d like to do something else with her but this trip is solo
Good god people suck
Oh hell no.
No no no- if she can invite , you can uninvite! Simple as that! . I send you special powers! Please magically uninvite her.. I can’t let you do this – I can’t let her do this to you!!
“Hey friend, I know I’ve been pumped about this trip is something i probably talked a lot about it, but something I might not have mentioned is that I’d like to do the trip alone. I’m sorry that this isn’t something I want a trip partner for, but maybe we could do (day trip here) or something else together. I hope you understand.”
Really? You just tell her that you want to go alone.
Tell her its been in your mind as just you and you want to keep it that way, tell her its not personal but its just how you’ve imagined it and how you want it
25 years of friendship? No wonder you need a vacation lol
A friend recently tried to do this to me about a weekend getaway. I said they there was a limit on the number of people at the Airbnb and it wouldn’t work. Had to say it twice but I didn’t back down.
Your friend has zero social skills and awareness. It’s not your job to teach her these things, whether she’s young or old.
Tell her you’re going by yourself. No explanations, no excuses, no little white lies.
Sadly, you need to just level with her.
Tell it to her the exact way you did in your OP about wanting to take this trip since you were a child.
Better to be honest than make up a stupid lie.
Then you risk getting caught and Boom.
There goes your 25 year friendship.
book the trip. don’t give her the details
when/if she asks, explain that this is a solo trip for you
if she is a good friend, she won’t push the issue
>she has invited herself on numerous other occasions and always ruins it for me.
You kinda shot yourself in the foot…… Why would you tell her, especially Considering your previous experiences?
Sorry – not this time. This is a solo trip.
No discussion after that. Stand firm.
“In the past, she has invited herself on numerous other occasions and always ruins it for me.” Then why did you tell her about your dream vacation?
You could tell her this is a private trip. But you can’t control where she decides to visit. And it would probably damage the friendship. I think the only real option is to cancel the vacation and rebook it another time and don’t tell her.
Tell her this is a trip you need to take alone.
If you want, you can make plans with her a different trip to soften the blow
if she invited herself without asking you if that is okay then she doesn’t care about your feelings, so why care about hers?
You’ve got to tell her that its a solo trip. Then you have to not give her details that would allow her to be where you are. If she bothers you for details, you need to say no, and then lie if she persists. Give the wrong hotel on the other side of town, etc.
You dont. you JUST SAY NO!!!
if you dont, you deserve the shifty time you’ll have.
Send her this message.
Hi 50F,
I’m not sure if you were serious or not when you said you’d like to join me on my trip, but in case you were I’m just letting you know that won’t be possible this time.
I’ve been planning this trip for a really long time, and part of this planning has been that I want to do it solo, that’s always been my dream.
I’m sure you understand.
You are a great friend and it’s nothing personal.
Hopefully we can organise something else together another time.
Love, 50F
If she has a problem with that OP, she isn’t your friend.
Find your spine! She’s ruined multiple trips for you. It’s time to put your foot down firmly and clearly.
You speak up and tell her the truth. At your age, you’ve had decades of adulthood to practice, it shouldn’t be difficult.
You told a friend who has invited herself on multiple vacations, that doesnt know you don’t want her to, that you were going on vacation?
I don’t know OP. Maybe let her come one more time so you learn the lesson of keeping your mouth shut.
Here’s what you say:
Hey (friend) I love that you’re super excited about coming along with me on this trip but I’m doing this one solo, it’s how I’ve always wanted to do it.
Then move on.
She might get offended, so what. If she gets over it she is your friend
Tell her you had a change of plans and you’ll figure it out later then go on your trip and and say we just bit the hide and went for it last minute
Say no
Send her a message and be direct.
I am going on the vacation. I am not inviting you to come along.
A friend and her husband did this to us. Claimed they’d keep to themselves as we told them we like to chill, drink and nap on our vacations. You guessed it, they took over and next thing I knew, I was with her all the time and our husbands were off doing things together. Never again. Left such a bad taste in my mouth.
Have you never said no thanks before?
“Maybe on another trip but this one is solo.”
And why are you telling this woman any of your plans when she has ruined so many of them?
It’s because of your personality with her. You can’t say no so it’s normal to her. Cringed reading this..
As others have said just tell her that it is important to you that it be a solo trip. I would also add that you might do yourself a HUGE favor by keeping mum on the details too just to avoid her booking the same trip.
You just have to tell her.
Come up with something like this is a solo trip blah blah blah
So you have to whatever people ask of you? Sounds like a rough life.
Take her to lunch and simply be polite and let her know that this time is not negotiable. She is not invited. And no, means no. Let her know you love her to death but boundaries are boundaries. And you’ll tell her all about it when you get back. You can do a winery date and share all about it. 😁
Have you heard of the expression “no”
That is completely thoughtless and inconsiderate of her. Get mad and say no.
You aren’t selfish. I have had people in my life do the same shit. Does she know any details and/or how much details does she know?
Very easily “oh you’re not invited this is my trip.” When I was working I never told anybody where I was exactly going. I just said I was going on vacation. It’s all they need to know.
I had a friend do this and did NOT say no. We came back no longer friends and full of regret. Don’t do it .
Say this:
I do not want to travel with you. You cannot come. Eat a cookie.
“sorry friend, this is a solo trip of self-care”
A real friend would understand that and also not be upset because you never invited her, you were only relying your plans to her.
You need to politely tell her and make sure she’s knows this is non negotiable.
Give her the wrong dates
I’m not judging you, but I’m surprised you told her about your trip when she’s done this before and ruined trips for you. Don’t let her ruin this for you.
You really need to set some boundaries here. You know that you don’t want her along and you know that she’ll ruin it. You just tell her that you’re doing this trip solo end of story.
I’m not sure how many details you’ve told her about it, dates of travel, hotels, etc. hopefully not that many. But if she’s hell bent on going there, just let her go on her own.
“Oh, sorry, I’m doing this one solo, but let’s plan something else together soon!“
Tell her you’ve changed your mind and are going to a nude swingers resort in Finland that costs $2900 per day!
She’s done this before and you STILL told her? Stop bragging about your trips to the wrong people, smh. This is totally YOUR fault at this point.
Just don’t say anything about bookings. Just say ‘its in planning stage’.
Then go, as planned. Tell her it was a literal last minute thing, the opportunity arose, I booked online and there we go. Only live once, not getting any younger etc.
Downside to that approach is you’ll spend all holiday worrying about the fallout when you get back. Perhaps a subtle hint that it’ll be ruinously expensive for her, or would F (50’s) ignore that and insist on inviting herself anyway, probably at extra cost to yourself?
“Sorry, this is an opportunity for me to completely unplug myself and just explore at my own pace. Maybe we can plan a trip for us next time, but right now I need time on my own.”
If she goes, you only have yourself to blame.
You’re gonna need to pull up those big girl britches and tell her that you appreciate her offer to go with you, but this is a trip you want to do by yourself. As a reformed people pleaser, I can promise you it does get easier to say no to folks the more you do it
Just say, “Nah, I’m looking forward to doing this one by myself. “
Don’t over explain even though you’ll likely try to out of reflex. Just make the statement and don’t worry about justifying it to them. Sometimes NO is a complete sentence.
Lolz. Something like that happened to me. I was joking around and said “ you should come with me”. When she took me up on it and bought her ticket I was like🫨🫨🫨🫨😜But we ended up having an ok time. My first visit to a casino and her burst visit to the Everglades.
“Jane, I hope you’ll understand that I’m planning this vacation solo and I’m not inviting you to attend. I hope that doesn’t affect our friendship”
hard stop