So I 17M started talking to this girl 17F on instagram she goes to the same school as me, we started talking about a week ago my goal was to first get to know her then ask her out cause I didn’t know how to ask her out directly without knowing her plus am extremely shy , so we started chatting everyday normally without any flirting , I would usually send a (good morning ) every morning but yesterday I wanted to give her a hint that I like her without actually saying it because am scared she will reject me in a harsh way , so I sent her (good morning sunshine ) and she replied by (hey trying to figure out what to eat) I said eating now is crazy when did you wake up? She said 1:13ish “women need more sleep than men ” I tried to be funny and texted (yeah that’s cap) she said that it is true that women need more time sleeping men I said (our ancestors had to feed us and do our work they didn’t have time to sleep women had to deal with a lot back then men were selfish back then so you should’ve at least get some genes that make you not need more sleep) she said (am really disappointed in the way you think I thought we could be friends this is sexism that I don’t take lightly ) I said (define sexism ) she (so you are dismissing me and my emotions ) which is why am going to block you thanks for the conversations bye ) sorry for long yapping I don’t have the text cause she blocked me and am really depressed and I don’t want to be like those Alfa males please help me change the way I think . Thanks for reading this ❤️
A girl am talking to called me a sexist
r/Advice
Comments
Unfortunately, you crossed a line you didn’t realize. Any time you differentiate females from males will typically result in the same response. You need to interact with women without bias but with respect. I’m sure you didn’t intentionally trip up, but nonetheless you did. Learn from the experience and avoid the situation again.
You have your point of view, she has hers. Clearly, you two are not each other’s type.
Be happy it ended quickly. Keep making connections and find people who will be into you, your sense of humor and your opinions.
I don’t think what you said was sexist, but it was kind of just a bit unnecessary, and to top it off when she said she was dissapointed you thought that way, if you didn’t mean it in that way, you should’ve tried to defend yourself saying you didn’t mean in that way or at least apologized that it came out that way or really just anything, instead you tried to test her knowledge which just made her think her assumption was even more valid.
I think she blew it way out of proportion. But your response was also kind of weird? You’re not sexist, but she may have misread your tone (or she was just looking for a reason to argue). Don’t worry, you didn’t do anything wrong, it seems like a miscommunication thing.
Lock in
lols, was I ever that young?
Mate, give it time, she is still acting like a 12 year old, maybe try again in 10 years. 🙂
One of our nieces called me a racist when she was that age because I said I like Chinese food. You don’t have to change anything just have the courage to be yourself and to speak what you see. You wont ever click with every girl you like and if you are meant to be with someone then that person will appear at the right time when you are both ready.
Dating in your generation is going to suck my man, I’m sorry
Please use punctuation and start a new paragraph every once in a while.
tbh it can be sexist in a serious convo but that was said jokingly.
She’s a dumb bitch. You dodged a bullet. Normal people don’t think like that.
Just say, thank you
Dude just be happy that this is how it ends, because you do NOT want to develop a relationship with someone like that. Trust me, I’m speaking from experience. I was in a relationship with someone where I tried becoming a different person for them. Did not end too well.
This was so weird to read, like how’d you even get there and idk how she took it that bad
its not really proven, even the studies only really show like 10-20 min difference, if any.
regardless she sounds like a handful. Just as she’s gaslighting you into thinking you’re brainwashed, she’s more than likely brainwashed herself.
Lmao bro “sunshine” I’m dying
I would have gotten into trouble with her too because I would have said YOU WAKE UP AT 1:13 IN THE AFTERNOON?. DAMN HOW MUCH SLEEP DO YOU NEED ! Were you up watching porn til 5am like everyone else in our class? ? ?
You’re a beta. Don’t worry about it.
First of all: paragraphs!
Secondly: she’s hypersensitive and looking for opportunities to take offense.
Lucky break buddy. Run don’t walk. Find a human girl that doesn’t have triggers growing out of her ears
Don’t listen to the men disparaging her she’s a “child” (in adult life) and so are you, you both have a lot of learning to do. Getting it in your head that this was unfair and toxic will only serve to make you bitter. You are already shy, don’t go down the path of bitterness too. Those men aren’t happy.
The good:
You wanted to get to know her before asking her a direct question about being with you, that’s mature. Just ensure you aren’t pretending to be only her friend for months, the friendzone doesn’t exist that’s just a creep lying to a woman.
The bad:
Firstly her response was OTT, buuut you need to ask yourself why. Sure the societal conversation going on all around us, most of them valid as men are a sincere threat to women and the patriarchy exists… but, having dated a lot of women. When women act in a confusing or seemingly over the top way, considering you haven’t crossed boundaries or been abusive/manipulative, it usually means one thing bro, and one thing only, she’s just not into you. Sure she could communicate it better but her actions are hers, all you can do is choose who you want to be. Trying to correct or curate her response, only serves to take you down he bitter incel type route. Accept she’s not explicitly saying “no” but this level of antagonism is all the “no” you should need. Even if she hasn’t been respectful in her delivery, you be respectful, leave it, it’s over whatever it was, and learn from it. There are aways more people for all of us. When you have a chance with a woman they are much more forgiving and understanding than that, learn to read what’s not being said.
And further on the bad, even if you think it’s out of line her response, hold your temptation to throw it back in her face like you did. Rather, ask neutrally and compassionately, what you could have done better. Even apologies if it is at least sincere that you’ve upset her even if you don’t understand. But big warning here, don’t be offended if she doesn’t keep talking to you or explain herself, that’s her right, and women aren’t responsible for educating us, that’s on us.
You seem generally like a respectful and kind young bloke. Better days will come, more women than you imagine right now will want you. Just leave with respect for her and dignity.
You dodged a bullet.
Honestly, sounds like you dodged a bullet. I get that your response was a bit off too, but she sounds like an insufferable femanazi.
You dodged a bullet bro
Hmmm, ok. I think her response was way over the top
Yea should have kept it light
You went for debate time
It was kind of sexist. Basically, what you said is not accurate at all. Prehistoric people didn’t work that hard and had plenty of time for sleep and there is data that women need more sleep than men. You’re not expected to know those things. But you confidently created a reality that supported your ability to impose expectations on her that fit your needs. If you don’t know, don’t make stuff up. And don’t get comfortable in pretending you know something because the explanation you’re making up fits with a narrative that always demands more from women.
A basic tenet of building respectful relationships is to lead with curiosity. You could have said “I didn’t know that, thanks for helping me learn something new.” Do you see how different that is?
“Research suggests that women may need slightly more sleep than men. Studies have shown that on average, women sleep for about 11 minutes longer per night than men.”
What a bizarre thing to block someone over. You’re better off without that overreacting psycho.
That girl sounds annoying af
Please tell me English is not your first language…
You both sound young and dumb, but, you’ll grow up eventually.
You didn’t do anything wrong. She seems a little crazy if I am being honest. Scientifically speaking, no gender needs more sleep than the other. There is no evidence of that at all. And its weird that she blew up at you over that. I’d move on from her. Calling our 4 billion people for being historically lazy is sexist in and of itself. So she is the sexist one, not you.
She’s right. Women biologically need more sleep. We also have different nutritional needs during different parts of our hormone cycle. If you want to date you should try having more curiosity about the opposite sex. Ask questions have genuine interest. Your response sucked and was rude AF. She was right to block you. Learn from this. And stop listening to the “Alpha bros” they have no fucking clue what women like and don’t like. I’m also gonna double down and say don’t ask for dating advice on reddit. It’s filled with redpill bullshit. Go to the source. Ask women what they like and don’t like.
Cut yourself and this girl some slack. You’re both still figuring out how to navigate prickly topics like sexism (politics and religion are others). There’s not much you can do when someone cuts off any more conversation. Things do get easier as you get older and gain more knowledge and experience and meet different kinds of people. Usually people clarify what they mean and then either agree, disagree, or both people gain some new perspective.
Since you had just started talking to each other jumping to conclusions can happen. Once people know each other well enough that doesn’t happen as much. It was just a miscommunication so don’t worry. It happens to everyone.
Ngl I think she got upset because you were saying that it’s crazy that she awoke at 1 pm and is just eating now. Maybe she got embarrassed by being called out by that and tried to defend herself.
What you said wasn’t sexist. Weird? Yeah definitely an odd turn of conversation.
Either way I think she is more upset of your reaction to her sleeping in till that time and calling her out.
Honestly, that’s why I really don’t like to talk about that stuff online. No one can tell when you’re joking/silly.
I think guys (and girls) try to be funny all the time with sexist jokes or teasing. Funny enough, I don’t find it very funny, when when they’re actually joking. It’s just kind of stupid, you know? Highlighting differences in biology always feels like a gamble when you’re dealing with sex/race/whatever. Even when you’re right, you could come off insensitive and rude. You could be a brilliant comedian and pull this stuff off, but in actuality, you are probably neither smooth nor all that funny, and neither am I.
Also, for color… I think I lost an online friend this week because I said something stupid in jest about something their friend created. Think how much tone/inflection/body language goes into what we say. You get none of that online. None of us are immune to these types of misunderstandings.
She did you a favor. Don’t worry about it.
It wasn’t what you said that was sexist. What you said was ignorant. Studies do show that women need more sleep than men and she knows that and you don’t but instead of learning something from her you made up your own theory and proposed it as evidence that she was wrong and THEN asked her to define words she obviously knows. THAT was the sexism.
You engaged too much and too quickly, in a way (text) that makes other contextual cues (laughing, smiling, etc) impossible to see. You don’t need to change the way you think, but you do (unfortunately) need to realize that had she really been into you, she would not have implied anything negative about your comment and just let it roll off. Next time don’t be so quick to respond, and don’t respond to every message. Allow her to miss you. Yes, I’m a real, genuine sexist.
Dodged a whole clip.
Your “jokes” kinda suck and need to be less focused on character flaws. She’s hypersensitive (a teenage girl over reacting??)
You’re not sexist, but the fact that you’re worried about this is a good thing. You’re on a good path. Apologize where needed and move on. Don’t get sucked in by people whose emotions are so easily moved. There will be girls who say even goofier lines than you and you’ll meet and have babies or something.
“Our ancestors had to feed us and do our work they didnt have time to sleep women had to deal with a lot back than men were selfish back than so you should’ve at least get some genes that make you not need more sleep”
I don’t understand what this is trying to say at all, can you try rewording it with some more punctuation or something?
But it is actually true that women need slightly more sleep than men. All past sleep studies have been done on men. Just last year I think, they did the first one centered around women, and woman need 1-2 more hours of sleep than men usually. But not a drastic amount that would cause you to sleep until past noon. That being said I also don’t think what you said was sexist.
hey i think it wasn’t sexist, it was just a discussion too real for simply starting to talk to someone. It was a bit weird that you said a lot of facts on a chill conversation ykwim? but you’re learning it’s fine don’t stress it out. she didn’t like your comment, another girl will. i wouldn’t insist more on her because she doesn’t seem to have any interest but you never know about the future. keep it chill
Have a heads up for future events, with this girl or someone else
Are shy people the center of attention with their witty banter and many, many jokes? Ah. No.
Do people laugh at your jokes? Any of them? If not, then don’t try to be funny. You don’t know her well enough to know what are hot topics, or even topics you two agree on. No clue on agree to disagree topics either – hint: Do not bring them up. In particular first thing in the morning
You were nervous. You tried to cover it up with humor. Now, I agree you did a totally normal man thing. That you went totally off the rails with your … alleged joke is sadly very normal as well. Don’t try that in the future. If what you wrote is what you said, then yeah, she might read that as demeaning to women. Also, men will joke about things they actually believe. It’s a tell for racism, bigotry, and sexism
Saying, “I didn’t mean it that way. I was nervous. Sorry, I suck at jokes” If she listens to that then maybe you can start the dialogue that lets the areas you do agree on be seen. Never try to patch over stuffing your foot in your mouth with a joke. Just don’t
Ages check out
I mean you just sound like a bit of a d*ck.
Don’t try and be funny at other peoples expense.
They don’t teach “” anymore I see. Interesting.
She believes everything she reads. Let her ruin someone else’s life broski
Naw both ya’ll sounded ignorant as fuck. It happens when trying to make assertions that neither of you can fully appreciate, let alone understand.
There’s a fine line between sexism and ignorance. The best way to avoid crossing is to talk less and listen more. Even if ya know something and are 100% right about it, you have to make sure your audience is receptive to it in the first place.
Don’t just assume your opinion is wanted. That’ll take you further in life than anything you’ll ever read on reddit.
In this case, her bs wasn’t any better, so just use it as a learning experience. You’re not the monster she made you out to be, and her own bs isn’t going to get her far in life either.
Dodged a bullet