I (30f) met H (30m) a few weeks ago & instantly fell head over heals. Like one of those if you know you know moments. I knew that I wanted to be with this man the moment I met him. Our chemistry is great & he’s just so perfectly imperfect.
Our first date was at his place & we ordered a pizza & watched my favorite movie. Things headed in a good direction & we ended up sleeping together. Here’s where it gets complicated.
2 days later, he calls me & tells me he needs to tell me something. He told me that he contracted herpes from a different partner a while ago & that I’m the first person he’s told. He was scared to say anything the first time we slept together (without protection might I add. I know, karma’s a bitch) and was thinking about not saying anything but couldn’t do that to me. Now, I can’t imagine how hard it is having to tell someone that, and ive never been in that situation before so I just listened to what he had to say, he was scared that I didn’t want to talk or see him again which would be valid, but I told him to just be honest with me and everything will be okay.
Welllll, I got tested & tested positive. I called & told him and I know that he hates himself but I just don’t know what to do from here. I realllyyy like him but I’m scared. I’m mad because he didn’t give me an option, I’m sad because I really like him but have no idea what to do. And even if I don’t end up being with him, now I have the terrible responsibility to tell all my partners that I have herpes & facing that rejection really has me super depressed. I can’t talk to my friends and family about this because I don’t want to be looked at differently and I don’t want him looked at badly or judged because of this. I literally don’t know what to do. Morgan, Justin, Jerry!! I need help!! Going through this feeling totally alone is sending me through a spiral.
Comments
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We’d like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you’ll
get a nifty flair change to let you know and we’ll drop a link so you can see our host’s take on your story.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Backup of the post’s body: I (30f) met H (30m) a few weeks ago & instantly fell head over heals. Like one of those if you know you know moments. I knew that I wanted to be with this man the moment I met him. Our chemistry is great & he’s just so perfectly imperfect.
Our first date was at his place & we ordered a pizza & watched my favorite movie. Things headed in a good direction & we ended up sleeping together. Here’s where it gets complicated.
2 days later, he calls me & tells me he needs to tell me something. He told me that he contracted herpes from a different partner a while ago & that I’m the first person he’s told. He was scared to say anything the first time we slept together (without protection might I add. I know, karma’s a bitch) and was thinking about not saying anything but couldn’t do that to me. Now, I can’t imagine how hard it is having to tell someone that, and ive never been in that situation before so I just listened to what he had to say, he was scared that I didn’t want to talk or see him again which would be valid, but I told him to just be honest with me and everything will be okay.
Welllll, I got tested & tested positive. I called & told him and I know that he hates himself but I just don’t know what to do from here. I realllyyy like him but I’m scared. I’m mad because he didn’t give me an option, I’m sad because I really like him but have no idea what to do. And even if I don’t end up being with him, now I have the terrible responsibility to tell all my partners that I have herpes & facing that rejection really has me super depressed. I can’t talk to my friends and family about this because I don’t want to be looked at differently and I don’t want him looked at badly or judged because of this. I literally don’t know what to do. Morgan, Justin, Jerry!! I need help!! Going through this feeling totally alone is sending me through a spiral.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
personally, i would be gone so fucking quick
> Now, I can’t imagine how hard it is having to tell someone that
u don’t have to imagine anymore, it’s ur reality now. and it’s ur reality, bc he didn’t tell u ahead of time knowing that u may not wanna sleep with him
Id press criminal charges
It takes months to test for it. You already had it. It can be dormant in people. But you’re talking here sounds like you got tested a week after sex and popped positive, you already had it.
Sounds like you also had it. You wouldn’t have tested positive that quickly
Wake up girl…30 years old and raw dogging strangers. Yet saying how amazing he is.
Would an amazing person knowingly spread a STD that lasts for life? wtf?
As someone who has HSV1 (trasmitted to genitals), he is a total and complete asshole. It takes a while to process the fact its a lifelong thing, but after that, YOU NEVER WANT TO DO THAT TO ANOTHER!
>
You never ever want to risk a persons health without informed consent. He knew that you’d get it, it he was symptomatic, and he still had unprotected sex with you, knowing you’d likely get it.
>
I am so sorry for what you’re going through. It’s a crime to knowingly give someone an STD. A darker part of my mind sees it as a manipulative action. He knows you’ll be going through the process, the feeling like no-one would want you, the undeserved shame, the fears of telling people you have it, and he thinks you’ll never want to leave him, as he accepts you.
>
I’ve had herpes for 9/10 years, and not ONCE have I had sex with someone without telling them I have HSV1. I would never live with myself, if I forced someone to give uninformed consent. He knew exactly what he was doing, and that it was fucking immoral.
LEAVE. You’re both adults and that was irresponsible of both of you. He should’ve been willing to tell and you should’ve asked.
Did you test positive for hsv1 or 2? If it’s 2, a large amount of people have that. It’s cold sores. If it’s 1, you already had it. You wouldn’t have tested positive after only a few weeks. Thats why they recommend std screenings multiple times per year.
Not to be that person BUT
Do you think you were love bombed? Because this is not a good start to anything let alone a relationship.
He knew, he had unprotected sex with you most likely during an outbreak and is now trying to manipulate the circumstances of this absolute fucked up betrayal so that YOU feel bad for him.
You need more than podcasters and Reddit.
Talk to your doctor honestly about your test & the positive results. If you indeed had it dormant, you might stay dating this person (it’s not like you don’t have it) but discuss honestly first with your doctor & ask how you go forward for yourself. After you have that plan then assess dating him.
Unless you had a sore and swabbed it, bloodwork results mean you’ve had it for weeks or months.
Herpes is a virus and if you did contract it but have no symptoms, it still requires weeks or months to detect antibodies on blood. So you’ve already had it.
Typically it takes up to 3 months to test positive for herpes. If you’re already positive, you likely had it before you slept with him and didn’t know about it. About 20-30% of the population have herpes in some form, many don’t know.
If you haven’t done a test and haven’t got symptoms, there’s a possibility you haven’t contracted it.
Might as well stay together now
He gave you an STI and you don’t know what to do do??
First, leave him. Not telling you before hand was intentional and what makes him dead wrong. He only told you when he HAD to. He probably never smashed during a flare up before so he kept it his little secret.
Second, raise your standards. You deserve better.
He is I. No way perfect. Dis you get tested for all The other things including pregnancy????
Ok so the FIRST thing you need to do is get a full panel STI testing. Herpes is what he told you about. Get a full test.
You had options. You could have used a condom. At your age, you are at fault here
Did the same stupid thing. Slept with someone unprotected and got it.
It’s a hard lesson but hopefully you’ve learned from it.
That guy would be gone from my world, except when defending himself in the lawsuit I would file.
Talk to him about it. He may be embarrassed and ghost you. Men can be asymptomatic with many STDs, so he may not know. That being said, use condoms!!! Buy your own and keep them on you! It’s a dirty world out there.