So yesterday, I was out running errands, living my usual mom/chubby lady life, when this very attractive man started chatting me up in the snack aisle. Light convo, all very polite—until he asks if I’m single. And listen, I had to double check that he was actually talking to me. Like sir, I have stretch marks older than your cologne.
I told him, with maybe a little too much joy, “Nope! Married 15 years!” He smiled, said I was lucky, and went on his way. I floated home feeling like Beyoncé.
Naturally, I told my husband the second I walked in. He gave me this big grin, pulled me into a hug, and said, “I told you you’re gorgeous!” Cue heart-melt.
Then—still hugging me, mind you—I ask him how his day went. And without missing a beat, this man says, “I farted so loud the cat screamed from the other room.”
Not his work win. Not his annoying boss. No. The fart. And honestly? That’s the kind of soulmate energy I signed up for.
It’s weirdly romantic, right? Like he knew what would make me laugh more than anything else. I may have gotten hit on by a hot stranger, but I came home to the man who weaponized flatulence and still thinks I’m the prettiest girl in the room. I love this ridiculous man.
Comments
Cute story 🙂
Couples that fart together stay together!
That’s the marriage we’re all gunning for.
I literally farted after reading this.
May you both live happily ever after.
The cat screaming got me 🙀
Stretch marks older than his cologne? Do people wear old cologne nowadays? Are your stretch marks not old?
You both seem to be the perfect couple.
Good on you too, for the fab feeling you drew from your snack aisle convo!
Similarly, Hubby’s love for you knows no bounds, that his highlight to share, was that storming faaaart… 👌👌😂😂💥💥
After 14 years, I still laugh my ass off when my husband farts. Even his burps get me. We often joke that our bodies talk to eachother because sometimes I’ll burp after he burps, without having to burp before he burps?
Well that was boring, you shoulda fucked the hot guy
<heart emoji> x 1 billion 🙂
The guy I’m dating farted on the first date (and every date since). This weekend I’m going to ask him to be my boyfriend, wish me luck
This is actually really cute 🤭
I was totally expecting you to be mad about it…. But was so happy that you thought it was hilarious.
Because this is the kind of shit that I totally believe really makes people compatible is being able to have serious and Goofy moments like this.
Love everything about this. Rocking your mom bod and coming home to a man who knows you can handle his fart jokes. #winning
Is your husband single? Because I’m swooning for him.
I farted on my first date with my husband. I started laughing uncontrollably because I was so embarrassed. He looked me in the eye and ripped ass even louder.
That’s when I knew he was a keeper.
My kinda guy
May this kind of love find me ♥️
Ngl, I gotta a little misty eyed.
Oh that’s a lovely story. My friend (we are grown women in our 30s) made up a game called guess my fart. Basically when you’re about to fart you say ‘guess my fart’ and everyone has to come up with an estimation of the noise they think it’s going to make. My husband REFUSES to play guess my fart and I’m honestly considering divorce.
Disclaimer: I’m not really considering divorce because I’d guess my fart but I am determined to get him to play. He’s usually really fun and he laughs at farts like a normal human. He just won’t guess them.
Until I got to your last two paragraphs I was thinking how lucky you were on both fronts and was worried you were going to complain about your husband. To me, his reaction was the BEST. You are a lucky lady. My husband makes me laugh too, and it’s the BEST
There are days when I feel very lonely. And it not because I want sex or hug. It because I don’t have anyone to tell about a very loud fart I had. Like the clearest fart that felt like my soul has been cleansed. I need someone to listen to that
OMG the way I CACKLED out loud! This, ladies and gentlemen, is marriage in a nutshell 🤣🤣 Good for you, girl!
“Like sir, I have stretch marks older than your cologne.” OMG! LMFAO!!!
The art of the fart.
✨️manifesting this✨️
Oh my gosh the grin on my face. This is such a hilarious and heartwarming story. I love you guys’ energy. 💜
You have no idea how much I’ve laughed at this!