So I 19 (trans man) am conflicted on whether or not I’m overreacting so I’d really like some outside opinions on this specific situation. So for context I am very against sending nudes, without getting into it too deeply there was cp of me as a kid and the thought of that being out there still freaks me out and I never want to feel that loss of control again by my nudes getting out so I’ve always refused to send nudes and my friend Sarah 18F knows this.
Sarah came over with her friend Amy 18F (who I’ve only met two times prior) and Sarah and I started to drink and took it really far, by the end of the night I vomitted all over my carpet couldn’t move and don’t remember anything after that. Amy was the designated driver and had nothing to drink she was 100% sober. I’m bipolar and am currently in an episode and during manic episodes I struggle with impulse control and hypersexuality, and I had been sending people nudes so I told Sarah about this and how I’m fucking up and really have to stop.
Sarah then asked if she could see what I was sending and after thinking about it I agreed, I really trust her and she’s seen me naked before so I said “yes but I’m not comfortable with Amy seeing them”. Amy said she wanted to see them thought but I said no and laughed it off. I show Sarah the pictures and as I’m showing them Amy asks again and I end up saying okay I’ll only show her my chest though. I finish showing Sarah only the ones I’m comfortable showing and I change the topic without showing Amy the pictures in hopes she’d drop it.
I don’t remember how long of a gap was afterwards but I remember taking a shower so I think it was probably like 30 minutes to an hour? But anyways, a little later Amy asks again because “she wants to see what color my nipples are” and I just show her.
I’m conflicted, I think Amy is weird and definitely don’t feel safe drinking with her again. In my opinion even sober if someone says they’re uncomfortable doing something sexual it should be dropped not pressed until they agree, but especially when you’re dealing with a drunk person who’s drunk to that level you shouldn’t be pressuring them like that. At the end of the day it’s my fault for agreeing so I blame myself but I still think it’s weird to ask a drunk person to see there nudes period let alone to press them like that.
But I’m also conflicted on Sarah, when I told her about my concerns she said I’m so sorry you were uncomfortable and that’s Al that came of that. I understand her not defending me that night as she was very drunk herself (we were going shot to shot so we were equally fucked up) but her not defending me or checking in on me afterwards really hurt my feelings. Everytime I think about that night I get nauseous and feel weirdly taken advantage of even though it’s my fault and I really wish I had someone to check in on me. If the roles were reversed honestly I probably would’ve cut them off so I think that’s another reason why I’m hurt, it feels like what I would do for her isn’t reciprocated.
I do recognize I am in an episode so that could be heavily clouding my judgement though so that’s why I really want second opinions, I care a lot about Sarah snd I don’t hate her at all but I’m struggling to process my feelings on the situation. What do you think about everything? Do you think Amy and Sarah did nothing wrong? How should I proceed?
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Backup of the post’s body: So I 19 (trans man) am conflicted on whether or not I’m overreacting so I’d really like some outside opinions on this specific situation. So for context I am very against sending nudes, without getting into it too deeply there was cp of me as a kid and the thought of that being out there still freaks me out and I never want to feel that loss of control again by my nudes getting out so I’ve always refused to send nudes and my friend Sarah 18F knows this.
Sarah came over with her friend Amy 18F (who I’ve only met two times prior) and Sarah and I started to drink and took it really far, by the end of the night I vomitted all over my carpet couldn’t move and don’t remember anything after that. Amy was the designated driver and had nothing to drink she was 100% sober. I’m bipolar and am currently in an episode and during manic episodes I struggle with impulse control and hypersexuality, and I had been sending people nudes so I told Sarah about this and how I’m fucking up and really have to stop.
Sarah then asked if she could see what I was sending and after thinking about it I agreed, I really trust her and she’s seen me naked before so I said yes but I’m not comfortable with Amy seeing them. Amy said she wanted to see them thought but I said no and laughed it off. I show Sarah the pictures and as I’m showing them Amy asks again and I end up saying okay I’ll only show her my chest though. I finish showing Sarah only the ones I’m comfortable showing and I change the topic without showing Amy the pictures.
I don’t remember how long of a gap was afterwards but I remember taking a shower so I think it was probably like 30 minutes to an hour? But anyways, a little later Amy asks again because “she wants to see what color my nipples are” and I just show her.
I’m conflicted, I think Amy is weird and definitely don’t feel safe drinking with her again. In my opinion even sober if someone says they’re uncomfortable doing something sexual it should be dropped not pressed until they agree, but especially when you’re dealing with a drunk person who’s drunk to that level you shouldn’t be pressuring them like that. At the end of the day it’s my fault for agreeing so I blame myself but I still think it’s weird to ask a drunk person to see there nudes period let alone to press them like that.
But I’m also conflicted on Sarah, when I told her about my concerns she said I’m so sorry you were uncomfortable and that’s Al that came of that. I understand her not defending me that night as she was very drunk herself (we were going shot to shot so we were equally fucked up) but her not defending me or checking in on me afterwards really hurt my feelings. Everytime I think about that night I get nauseous and feel weirdly taken advantage of even though it’s my fault and I really wish I had someone to check in on me. If the roles were reversed honestly I probably would’ve cut them off so I think that’s another reason why I’m hurt, it feels like what I would do for her isn’t reciprocated.
I do recognize I am in an episode so that could be heavily clouding my judgement though so that’s why I really want second opinions, I care a lot about Sarah snd I don’t hate her at all but I’m struggling to process my feelings on the situation. What do you think about everything? How should I proceed?
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If anyone ever asks about the color of your nipples again, you can tell them that lips and nipples are usually the same color. And then to respectfully fuck all the way off
This sounds horrible. What a mess.
I suspect you were being treated like a science specimen (can I peek under the covers or on your phone. Gross.
These aren’t your friends.
Please delete your nudes. There are so many posts on Reddit about how having these on your phone can go sideways.
Please drink responsibly. You are dealing with a lot. I wish you well. You need better friends or at least no Sarah.
I think you should focus on addressing your binge drinking, alcohol problem, and consider if combined with your mental health conditions, bipolar, hypersexual, if you should ever even be touching alcohol again.
A lot of people go sober because they realize they make scary, and unsafe descions for themselves while intoxicated. Or they can’t actually control themselves around alcohol.
All the best.
You’re not asking for this advice, but I’ll give it to you anyway. Don’t take nude selfie, and if you can’t refrain from that, don’t show them or send them to anyone else. If you have a history of a CP victim, this should make sense to you. Also, don’t get blackout drunk. You can never trust anyone to look out for you, or just leave you alone to sober up. Both of these actions can open you up to years’ long, or life long harm.
You can’t put expectations on Sarah to cut Amy off. Their relationship exists separately from yours. I would just explain to Sarah, Amy isn’t someone you’re comfortable being around, and that she’s not welcome to accompany Sarah after that incident.
You brought up the subject about sending nudes to people. She is drunk and it is beyond unfair to expect Sarah to what? Stop you? Set proper boundaries for you? Protect you?
You already sent them. She didn’t participate.
You are mad at yourself and the feeling is overwhelming so now you are grasping for any control by passing the blame. Stop.
And Amy is not responsible for your choices whatsoever. Don’t blame the sober person who doesn’t know you to then be expected to take care of you in your own home.
She is there to get Sarah home safely.
Stop drinking, delete all your nudes and go to the doctor for help with this episode. Get a long term medical and mental health plan together with a game plan for when you start to feel another episode. Good luck. You have your whole life ahead of you.