Once upon a time a woman went to the doctor for some concerning symptoms she was having. She was fairly uncomfortable a lot of the time. She could get to her college classes and activities most of the time, but it wasn’t great. She was told it was anxiety and to get a massage or maybe do some deep breathing or just deal with it, even though every man who had those symptoms was given a variety of tests and good medications that took care of those symptoms and the underlying problem quickly and effectively.
A couple of years later she was still having the symptoms and they were worse. They were impacting her life and work quite a bit. She was told it was fatigue and she should probably not take on so much at work, and try to go to bed earlier, or maybe take up yoga, and to just deal with it, even though every man who had those symptoms was given a variety of tests and good medications that took care of those symptoms and the underlying problem quickly and effectively.
A couple of years after that she was very concerned because the internet told her those symptoms were VERY serious and she should see her doctor if she had them. She had had to cut back on her work and was regularly missing her family and social activities and she was pretty frustrated and upset. She was told it was perimenopause and to exercise more and eat more vegetables, and maybe take some supplements, and basically to just deal with it, even though every man who had those symptoms was given a variety of tests and good medications that took care of those symptoms and the underlying problem quickly and effectively.
A few years later the same thing happened and she was told it was menopause even though she was definitely not in menopause. But her doctor said this was normal, every woman has these symptoms, and she should just deal with it, even though every man who had those symptoms was given a variety of tests and good medications that took care of those symptoms and the underlying problem quickly and effectively.
She died at 53 of the underlying cause of those symptoms, and all the other things she had just not said anything about because her doctors gaslit her and convinced her that whatever was happening in her body was either normal because so many other women had those exact symptoms and they could live with them, or it was her fault and she should just deal with it, even though every man who had those symptoms was given a variety of tests and good medications that took care of those symptoms and the underlying problem quickly and effectively.
The end.
Comments
I’m so sorry for your loss.
A good malpractice suit, and complaints to a few licensing boards, may help you get some sense of justice.
Here’s another version of that story. A young woman presents at the ER three times several months apart each time for severe abdominal pain. Each time it is dismissed alternately as anxiety, period cramps or perhaps something in her diet. At no point in the eight months does anyone offer to use an ultrasound to actually look inside. She’s not pregnant, so why bother.
She begins a special diet designed by these doctors to reduce the constant symptoms she now has of abdominal pain and vomiting (not able to keep food down). She stops working. She loses a ton of weight unintentionally. Still no one looks inside.
Finally, her aunt takes her to a new doctor and advocates for her. The doctor agrees to an ultrasound and they find the largest ovarian cysts that doc had ever seen. Surgery is now an emergency – lest they burst and cause more serious complications.
Because this was not caught early, laparoscopic surgery is no longer possible so they cut this young woman’s whole abdomen from pubic bone to navel. She spends almost a full year recovering, with many months of that requiring the aunt to be her constant carer. Her future fertility is no longer assured. All for want of a simple, inexpensive ultrasound the first time the symptoms occurred. All for lack of a doctor who would advocate for a young woman’s concerns to be taken seriously.
It’s infuriating. I am sorry that this happened to your loved one.
This should become to medical misogyny what ‘The Only Moral Abortion is My Abortion has become to reproductive health.
Thank you OP, I’m saving this to link in the future.
My daughter kept having to go to A&E in the middle of the night for horrific stomach pain. She was just 10. They told her it was either because she needed to eat more fibre or her womb was gearing up for periods every time.
We were lucky that the last time we took her in she barfed absolutely everywhere. They couldn’t ignore her because there was puke over everything. I was very proud of her. They actually deigned to run some tests. It was celiac disease. I can absolutely see how it takes some people years to get a diagnosis. If she hadn’t finally puked her guts up, we’d still be running her in in the night, clueless.
During this time, she was having terrible pain at school. I would pick her up at home time and she’d be crying asking why I didn’t come and get her in the day. The teachers never called me. They lied to her, told her they’d called me and that she just needed to hold on a bit longer because I was on my way.
I went apeshit.
I don’t know what celiac pain feels like, but adults say it is unbearable. Like being hit in the stomach by lightning.
I’m so upset that this dismissal of women’s pain has started for her age 10. I know we have been lucky that it’s not life threatening, but I’m still livid.