She’s 23, I’m 18. She was attracted by my “calmness, carefulness and delicate behaviour”. Great isn’t it? I thought so. Today she just said to me that my age is a turn off and she could break me like a twig if she wanted because I look so thin, and that things couldn’t work out between us, even if she likes me mentally. She also said: “If you hadn’t opened your mouth, I’d consider you just a child” (she’s saying that I look like a child but don’t act like one).
What in the actual fuck am I supposed to do here? I already do the most to not behave like the stereotype of an 18 years old dude. I understand that physiological time and mentality don’t age together and that even though my mind is not at 18 years old anymore (I honestly think I skipped that part during the period in which I was very depressed), I reckon that I cannot leap further in time to be exactly like a 20 year or so person. I am 18 and nothing but time will change that.
I can’t change my age activelly, so I got pretty sad when she judged my by something I can’t change… about the body thing though: I have some… issues with that. It’s that thing about the pain of staying or the pain of changing. I really really hate gyms, but I also hate when I’m invalidated by “lack of muscle”.
I unfortunatelly can’t change people’s minds, and besides the gym thing, I think I’ve done what I could to be a better person (5 years and going of therapy, which saved my life, yay!). It’s just sad to see such a superficial judgment affecting me so much. If I was affected by those comments, have I really changed? I don’t know, but it hurts.
Kind words are appreciated.
Comments
Don’t worry about her. Move on.
“She was attracted by my “calmness, carefulness and delicate behaviour” … today she just said to me that my age is a turn off and she could break me like a twig if she wanted because I look so thin.”
She sounds like she has a psychological disorder.
There is nothing wrong with you.
Honestly she sounds nuts. To tell someone “I’m attracted to you but you’re young and I’d break you like a twig” is a super weird thing to say.
Also, hey way to go with therapy and working on yourself! That’s amazing, friend 🙂 I’m very proud of you
If you were older, 5 years wouldn’t be much of an age gap. From 18-23 it’s too much. You’re not in the same stage of life. Move on.
Let me get this straight, she couldn’t break you, so she tried to belittle you ,classic coward move. she’s projecting her own worthlessness onto someone too kind to throw it back!!
She’s a fool. The changes a man experiences between 18 and 23 are astonishing. The same age difference exists with my husband and I. When we met he was 18 and I was 23. I thought he was a really sweet kid. Tall, strong, baby-faced.
Our friend group (he was already established with this group when I joined. We had a shared hobby with a heavy contact sport) agreed he was pretty amazing in all aspects. Quiet, composed, scary smart, wicked wry humor. For the first year we were friends I sought him out often. Great, insightful conversation. I felt completely at ease with him.
When he returned from his first year of college sporting a full red beard I had a crisis. I felt like a villain for being attracted to him. I was five years older than he and had a child. I wished he were older. Here’s the thing: time takes care of that.
Fortunately for me he knew his own mind even then and stated his case with the same solid logic and calm mien I’d noticed a year before. We wrote back and forth for a few months when he returned to college(I was also in university about 350 miles away). He wrote a letter confessing he loved me and that if I couldn’t requite he understood. He wouldn’t ruin such a friendship over one sided love. I stopped writing and called him back.
That was 33 years ago. He moved in with us at age 20. He was 23 when we married. He was still growing between 20 and 21. It still amazes me. Now we are in our 50s. Five years don’t matter.
Maybe the one who needs to change isn’t you. Her values as you mentioned seem superficial. You don’t sound superficial.
Dude, she’s a walking cliche of shallow nonsense. Age? Body? That’s surface-level noise for insecure people. You’re 18, of course you look young. You don’t owe anyone an instant glow-up or a gym membership just to be respected. You’ve done the hard work inside, that’s what counts. Screw her and her twig jokes. Real growth isn’t about muscle, it’s about mind and you’re miles ahead already.
That particular woman isn’t worth your time. People who judge others by physical characteristics are a huge turn off to me anyway. If they can’t see past the surface, they’re too shallow for me. Body shaming is just plain mean.
As far as lack of muscle goes, my only concern would be your health. Have you considered yoga? That’s something you can do at home, it’s gentle, and if you’re doing it right, doesn’t cause pain. It’s helpful emotionally as well as physically.
Look up Peggy Cappy’s Yoga for the Rest of Us. It’s geared towards older people, like myself, but really it’s a great intro for anyone of any age.
Another suggestion I have is playing on children’s playground equipment, specifically, swings. Think about that. When you’re swinging on a swing set, you use nearly all of your muscles. But it’s gentle, and it’s fun. Other playground equipment can be helpful too, and also fun.
Getting access when you’re not with a child might be problematic, but if there’s a part nearby where you might go after dark, or when it’s near dark and people have mostly gone home, that might be an option. Or if you have friends with kids who have a swing set they’re willing to let you use.
I think we really need playground equipment for adults. I’d be on it all the time, and I’m 67.
Best wishes to you, hon.
🫂
She’s already broken you like a twig mentally, which I’m sure was a lot of the goal . . .
This is not someone whose opinion matters. She sounds like she’s putting you down in order for her to make herself feel better or, she’s the type of woman who likes to be mean to men.
You’re young and unfortunately these are things you encounter as you age. Focus on the things that make you happy, bring you joy and uplift your spirit. Don’t let this mean girl get you down. I know it’s easy to say to not overthink what she said or forget about it and move on but it’s not always that easy. Find activities to keep your mind occupied in healthy ways.
You don’t need to do anything except say, “Ok.” & move on.
She’s not it, not for you. And that’s ok, it doesn’t sound like you’re gonna be missing much.